Bart's Girlfriend/Quotes
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- Bart: Hi. I'm Bart Simpson. I was incredibly moved by your reading. I don't think God's words have ever sounded so plausible.
- Lisa: Don't be so hard on yourself, Bart. It's not your fault Jessica doesn't like you.
- Bart: Is it my hair? My overbite? The fact that I've worn the same clothes, day in, day out, for the last four years?
- Lisa: No, Bart. I just think you and Jessica are too different from each other to get along. She's a sweet, kind reverend's daughter and you're the devil's cabana boy.
- Ms. Albright: Ralph, Jesus did not have wheels.
- Bart: Yes Ma'am. I'd like to return to your wonderful Sunday school, please.
- Ms. Albright: But Bart, we banned you from Sunday school. You were happy, we were happy, everybody was happy, particularly the hamster.
- Principal Skinner: Congratulations, Simpson. You just fell for our sting and won yourself three months detention. There's no such thing as Scotchtoberfest.
- Groundskeeper Willie: There's not? You used me Skinner! You used me!
- Bart: There's only one thing to do at a moment like this... strut.
- Bart: Well, in my family, grades aren't that important. It's what you learn that counts.
- Reverend Lovejoy: Six times five, what is it?
- Bart: Um, actually, numbers don't have much use in my future career. Olympic gold medal rocket sled champ.
- Helen Lovejoy: Hm, I didn't know the rocket sled was an Olympic event.
- Bart: Well no offense, lady, but what you don't know could fill a warehouse.
- Reverend Lovejoy: Never have I heard such gratuitous use of the word "butt".
- Bart: But, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but...
- Helen Lovejoy: Make him stop! Make him stop!
- Jessica Lovejoy: You're bad, Bart Simpson.
- Bart: No I'm not. I'm really...
- Jessica: Yes you are. You're bad, and I like it.
- Bart: I'm bad to the bone, honey.
- Marge: Have you noticed any change in Bart?
- Homer: New glasses?
- Marge: No. He looks like something might be disturbing him.
- Homer: Probably misses his old glasses.
- Marge: I guess we could get more involved in Bart's activities. But then I'd be afraid of smothering him.
- Homer: Yeah, and then we'd get the chair.
- Marge: That's not what I meant.
- Homer: It was, Marge. Admit it.
- Willie: If I don't save the wee turtles, who will?! [Willie goes to save the turtles] Agh! Save me from the wee turtles! They were too quick for me! Aah!
- Lisa: You gotta give her up.
- Bart: No, no, wait. Hear my plan. I put up with her for seven more years. Then, we'll get married. Once the first baby comes along, she's bound to settle down and start treatin' me right. After all, I deserve it.
- Homer: Son, if you can look me in the eye and say you didn't take the collection money, that's all I need.
- Bart: I didn't take it.
- Homer: Why you little... How can you look me in the eye and lie like that?!
- Reverend Lovejoy: I guess it's obvious what's happened here. Bart Simpson has somehow managed to sneak his bedroom into my house. [silence] Well, come on! Use your imaginations.
- Reverend Lovejoy: Well, young lady, I suppose we brought you home from boarding school a little prematurely.
- Jessica: I was expelled, Dad. Remember the pipe bomb? The glee club brawl? Remember the school chapel collection plate? The exploding toilets ring a bell? Come on dad, pay attention to me. Hello in there... hello?
