Brawl in the Family/Quotes

Quotes

Season 13 Episode Quotes

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275

"She of Little Faith"

276
"Brawl in the Family"

"Sweets and Sour Marge"

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Homer: A grizzly bear with a chainsaw. Now, there's a killing machine!

Homer: I'm gonna come back with the greatest gift a husband can give his wife. An annulment from his secret wife!

Marge: We don't need TV to have family fun. Why don't we play Monopoly?

Lisa: Which version? [pulls board games from the closet] We've got "Star Wars Monopoly",

"Rasta-mon opoly", "Galipolopoly", "Edna Krabappoly."

Marge: Let's stick to regular Monopoly. The game is crazy enough as it is; how can an iron be a landlord?

[While the family is playing Monopoly]

Bart: [holding some money Homer has given him] You're a little light here, Dad.

Homer:I'm good for the rest… you know I am!

Bart: Well, I'd like to trust you, Homer, but you've been in jail 3 times.

Homer:They told me it would be like this on the outside.

Lisa: [picks up one of Bart's "hotels"] These hotels are made of Legos. Bart, you're cheating!

Marge: Lisa, it was probably an accident.

Lisa: Oh, sure, you take his side, just because he bought you that house on St. James Place.

Bart: Who else is going to take care of her? Dad?

Homer: Why, you little ... [throttles Bart]

Marge: Stop fighting! [throttles Homer]

Lisa: Mom, that's not how you pry them apart! [grabs Bart's arm and tries to pull him away from Homer]

Marge: I've been prying them apart since before you were born!

Brenda the Police Robot: I am Brenda. I am programmed to talk in a calm and constructive manner. [yells] DESTROY! DESTROY!

Officer Lou: Another case of Monopoly-related violence, Chief.

Chief Wiggum: How do those Parker Brothers sleep at night?

Chief Wiggum: Nice work, Brenda. I'll take it from here.

Brenda the Police Robot: No way! This is my collar! [Chief Wiggum switches off Brenda's power switch and she shuts down]

Chief Wiggum: Too bad real women don't come with these, huh? [laughs]

Homer: [laughs] You got that right.

Chief Wiggum: Quiet, you. That counts as your phone call.

[When the Simpsons are in jail]

Lisa: Thanks a lot, everybody. Now, I'll never get into an Ivy League school.

Bart: [taunting] You're going to Stanford, you're going to Stanford ...

Homer and Bart [taunting]: You're going to Stanford!

Lisa: Take it back! Take it back!

Homer: Stanford.

Gabriel: Hello, I'm Gabriel.

Homer: [gasps] A heavenly choir! You must be an angel.

Gabriel: [laughs] No, that's my pager. [turns his pager off] I'm a social worker. I'm here to help you stop fighting and become a family again.

Homer: No, you are an angel, like Denzel Washington in "The Preacher's Wife," or Will Smith in "Bagger Vance," or Slimer in "Ghostbusters."

Marge: Sir, we know you're not an angel. My husband sees too many movies.

Homer: Don't blame me, blame Tinseltown and its second golden age. May it never end.

[Bart brings Gabriel to school]

Bart [to the kids at school]: Attention, everyone! This is Gabriel, my personal social worker. He has to be here. I'm just that nuts. [the kids are impressed]

Milhouse: How come you get a social worker? I'm the one with stigmata. [holds up his bloody hands]

Marge: Food keeps my family happy, so I make a few practice dinners before showtime, ‘cause at 6 o'clock, we go live!

[When Homer brings Gabriel to Moe’s]

Homer: Okay, Gabriel, this is a bar. It's where I go to drink alcohol, which is the mortal equivalent of your ambrosia.

Gabriel: Homer, I am not an angel.

Homer: Pfft. Well, not with that temper.

[Gabriel takes the Simpsons’ to the rules]

Homer: Okay, why are we in the woods? Is this Heaven?

Gabriel: No, Homer. I brought you out here to shake off your negative behavior patterns. Marge, you medicate your family with food. Bart, you'll do anything for attention …cut that out!

Bart [with a beard of bees]: They chose me.

Homer: Okay, family huddle. [everyone huddles together and Homer lowers his voice to a whisper] Now, here's how it's going down. As a family, we drive away. We cover for each other, as a family. It's what Gabriel would have wanted.

Lisa: Look, we can't fall into old patterns. We've got to think of a plan.

Homer [in a whisper] Okay, but talk like this.

Lisa: [in a whisper] Fine, I'll talk like this.

Homer: [in his normal voice] What?

Marge: You know, we've been through some 280 adventures together, but our bond has never been stronger.

Homer: Yep, our family is as functional as all get-out.

Lisa: Could this be the end of our series ... of events?

Homer: But Marge, it wasn't my fault... liquors drunkened me!

Amber [to Lisa]: I could show you how to put on makeup.

Lisa: I'm 8 years old.

Amber: You could look 7. [to Bart] And I can teach you how to count cards.

Bart: I already have a system.

Homer: (wakes up) Aah, the sweet couple of seconds before I remember why I'm sleeping on the lawn.

Judge Harm: Mr. Simpson, under Nevada law, bigamy, or "Mormon hold-'em," is perfectly legal. [bangs gavel] Both marriages stand.

Homer: But I only love Marge!

Judge Harm: I hereby order you to take care of both of your wives. Bailiff, ring him. [a bailiff puts a second wedding ring onto Homer's finger]

Marge: Homer?

Homer: Marge? You're speaking to me!?

Marge: Why don't you come inside and we'll talk?

Homer: About what? Sports? Bigamy?

Marge: Bigamy.

Homer: Not a sports fan, huh?

Grampa: Oh, I lost another wife.

Lisa: I'm sorry, Grampa.

Grampa: Well, it hurts now, but the senility will take care of that. There she goes. (to Homer) You know, I have a son about your age.

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