The Rise and Fall of Krustyland, Part One/Quotes

Quotes

Krusty: It's the greatest amusement park ever, kids!! There'll be thrills, chills, and even outdoor grills -- filled with delicious Krusty Brand pork products!! There's only 28 days 'til the grand opening, so start pestering your parents to go right now!!

Krusty: [GROAN] We're in real trouble now, boys. But if we can get my amusement park open on schedule everything will be hunky dory!

Board member 1: But you don't have the money!

Board member 2: Or the land!

Board member 3: Or even a name!

Board member 4: Can't we just put off the opening?

Board members: Hunnh?

Krusty: We can't put it off!! I owe big bucks to a certain legitimate businessman, and if I don't pay it back, I'll be wearing cement clown shoes! I'll be the grease in the greasepaint!! I'll be taking a long ride in a tiny car!! They'll kill me!! Besides, building something like this is sure to earn my father's respect.

Ned Flanders: I'll tell you a ghost story! A true one, too, my little camping compañeros! Jebediah Springfield wanted to build Springfield on this pea-pickin' spot! It was evil spirits that stopped him! Back then, this land was a paradise of rich earth, peaceful streams, and shady trees, not the rocky forbidding desolation we enjoy camping in every summer. Everything went great... at first! The settlers cut down all the trees and ran the original inhabitants off the land, so there was plenty of room for everybody. Well, sir, Jebediah builds all day, but... every night while he's asleep,... All his work is destroyed! Blown all over the place. So one night, he gets Elmo Yamhill to be lookout. Elmo hunkers down around a small fire, just like we're doing now. A wee bit later, he starts to doze. And, gosh darn it, every time he closes his eyes, he hears a little creaking sound. He looks around, but there's nothing there. Just the wind, Elmo thinks and goes back to sleep. This keeps happening. Him waking up to the wind, then falling back to sleep... until he's asleep for good. Well, next day Jebediah finds the house destroyed and there's nothing left of Elmo but his bones, picked so clean you could whistle with 'em, by golly!

Ned: Whilickers! That must hurt! Let's just see if there's any digital damage!

Krusty: Touch me again and I'll see you in court, nature-boy!

Ned: Okely dokely! Just wanted to help. After all, you're a guest here in Trustyland, so you're kind of my responsibility!

Krusty: An injury like this could be the end of my career, badge-boy! So I guess I'll be sueing the junior campers for damages!

Ned: Gosh, Krusty, all the junior campers have is Trustyland! Why would you want to sue?

Lionel Hutz: Sue? Did I hear someone say sue?

Lionel Hutz: [reading] This agreement is made and entered into by the parties signed below, none of whom are crazy, deranged, or, in any way, having in their possession a screw loose, proverbially or otherwise. The aforesaid agreement, of which these words are a part, states that you, Ned Flanders, hereinafter referred to with no malice aforethought as the "Junior Camper Guy," by me, the "Lawyer Guy," who may hereinafter be referred to, but not prosecuted in any way, for trespassing or any other criminal or civil complaint arising from the Lawyer Guy's actions or the actions of the Lawyer Guy's past, present, or future aliases, without regard to their actual guilt or the appeals of irate bystanders, do transfer to Herschel Krustofski, otherwise known as Krusty the Clown, alias the Clown Prince of Comedy, sometimes called "Sugar" by Miss Pennycandy, available for luncheon and speaking engagements for a reasonable fee (a separate dressing room with the full complement of seltzer bottles and cream pies being the responsibility of the host), who shall hereinafter be referred to as the "Splinter Guy," the rights, title, and interest, without limitation, of and to the property known as "Trustland," hereinafter never referred to again in this document, now and for all time in perpetuity, and that you, Junior Camper Guy, shall not disturb, harass, agitate, worry, disarrange, confuse, unsettle, bandy words with, annoy, vex, tease, irritate, or bug the Splinter Guy about said property, but shall be cool. In exchange for which, the Splinter Guy will not bug you, the Junior Camper Guy, about the splinter, now or at any time anywhere in the universe, including quarks, those weird black holes, alternate dimensions, and anything else anywhere else that might be of any conceivable benefit to you, whether or not you could possibly conceive of such a thing. The Splinter Guy and the Lawyer Guy shall be the ultimate arbiters of everything concerning anything, and the Junior Camper Guy will acquiesce, take guff, and be run roughshod over by these parties and like it. No tag-backs.

Krusty: I've got just 16 days to whip this godforsaken place into shape. Now who can give me a tour of this dump?

Ned: Well, I'm quite familiar with the area. I'd be happy to --

Krusty: No way, marshmallow-breath. I pick him, the bulgy-eyed kid with the spikey hair.

Bart: [thinking] Wow! He nearly recognized me this time!

Krusty: Need more money. No time to waste. Waste! That's it!! Burns will pay through the nose if I let him dump his hazardous nuclear waste at Krustyland!!!

Lionel Hutz: Uh, Krusty, there's nothing in the plans about toxic waste!

Krusty: Hutz, you idiot, the map is clearly marked. See?!