You'd Better Sloth Around!/Quotes

Quotes

Marge: Homer J. Simpson!

Homer: It's all Bart's fault!

Marge: What is?

Homer: Whatever you're about to yell at me about.

Marge: Fine. I'm your wife, not your mother. If you want to do something stupid and self-destructive, you just go right ahead.

Homer: Awww... but you always tried to stop me all those other times.

Homer: Can't sleep... feels like Barney barfed in my belly... Oh, why did I ever eat that wonderful stupid sandwich?

Marge: Oh, Homie--no. What have you done now?

Homer: I've looked the future right in the mouth, Marge... and spit square in its eye! Why should I have to walk when I can ride around town in the lap of luxury? Why, with my new Sloth-Around, I can go anywhere do anything in half the time it used to take.

Marge: That presumes you actually do anything in the first place.

Lisa: You know, dad, those scooters are meant as a medical aid for people who are old or infirm.

Homer: Baloney! Why should they get to have all the fun? Besides, see how nicely it gets around corners and through doorways.

Lisa: But, dad, morally and ethically, it's just wrong.

Homer: No, it's multifunctional.

Marge: What it is is just another useless expense... like that automated rhinoceros-stuffer you ordered last year.

Homer: Hey, how was I to know rhinoceroseroses were an endangered species? Stupid World Wildlife Fund.

Lisa: Mom, are you sure there's no chance I'm adopted?

Marge: I'm afraid not, sweetie.

Bart: Sorry, Lis! You're wading in the same shallow end of the gene pool as the rest of us.

Apu: Mr. Simpson, please, I am telling you for the final time, the purchase of one donut does not permit you to lick the sprinkles off all of the other--

Lenny Leonard: Marge finally give you what you had coming to ya?

Carl Carlson: Don't be stupid, Lenny. That can't be it. He's still alive, isn't he?

Homer: Foolish Lenny and Carl, this isn't a wheelchair. This is the Sloth-Around, the high-tech marvel of modern movingaroundishness. Why walk when you can ride? Why stand when you can sit? Why ask why? Plus, it can do these really neato keen wheelies!

Moe Szyslak: But now that you're no longer a whole man, if...uh...Marge needs any help in the...ah...romance department, you just lemme know, okay?

Homer: Gee, thanks, Moe. You're a true-- --Hey! Why, you lousy--!

Lisa: Mom, do you think there's a chance dad will realize that what he's doing is wrong?

Marge: Well, he never has before, Lisa... so I'm not sure why he'd start now.

Lisa: And what about you, Dad? Did you learn a lesson today?

Homer: I sure did.

Marge: Really?

Homer: Yep, I learned that if you ride around in a scooter, people give you free crullers and free beer and free time off from work... with pay!

Chief Wiggum: Lou, do these crullers taste especially crunchy to you this...hey!?

Eddie: What's up, Chief?

Chief Wiggum: That guy was speeding!

Lou: But, Chief, he's only doing nine miles an hour.

Chief Wiggum: Yeah, but he's doing it in an eight mile an hour zone. Let's nail his scofflaw butt!

Dan: Y-you saved my life! I don't know how I can ever repay you.

Homer: Well, money is always nice... But in this case, I'll settle for a handshake and the chance to tell you all I'm sorry. My daughter told me I'd regret using that scooter and now I can see she was-- D'OH! AAAGGGHHH!