| Band In The U.S.A.
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| Tapped Out Quest Information
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Band In The U.S.A. is a questline in The Simpsons: Tapped Out. It was introduced in the Black History content update. It requires Clarissa Wellington to be obtained.
Dialogue
Pt. 1
If Janey is owned: After tapping on Janey's exclamation mark
If Janey is not owned: After unlocking Clarissa Wellington
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Hey Lisa, Lewis and I are in a new band. Would you like to join?
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Really? But aren’t we frenemies?
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Eh, it depends on the episode. I guess the writers need us to pal it up for this one.
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Okay! I’m in.
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Hold on. You have to audition first.
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Audition? But this is a kids band.
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Not just any kid’s.
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Clarissa Wellington! You’re a famous singer! You beat me on Krusty’s “Li’l Starmaker” show and became a star.
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I remember winning. I remember becoming a star, but I don’t remember you. Hm. I hope you play sax better than you leave impressions.
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*annoyed growl*
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Alright, make with the toots, toots. Chop chop.
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| Task: "Make Lisa Blow Clarissa Away Sax-Wise". The job takes place at Springfield Elementary and takes 4 hours.
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Not bad, Pineapple. You’re in.
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Pineapple?!
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She gives everyone a nickname so she doesn’t have to remember their actual names. I’m “Matchy Matchy” because my socks match my dress.
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I’m “Wendell” because I was standing next to Wendell when she met me.
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And you’re “Pineapple” cuz those jazz licks were sweet and tart.
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Oh, I guess that’s not so…
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And your dumb hairdo looks like a pineapple.
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*annoyed growl*
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Quest reward:  100 and  10
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Pt. 2
| After tapping on Lisa's exclamation mark
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I don’t want to play in a band with such a rude prima donna.
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Suit yourself. Guess you don’t like making money.
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You’re playing paid gigs?
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Of course I am.
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C’mon Lisa. You know you need money for your college fund.
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It’s true. It’s slowly becoming Bart’s Legal Defense Fund. I better think about this.
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| Task: "Make Lisa Ponder, Consider, and Ruminate Over It". The job takes place at Springfield Elementary and takes 4 hours.
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Fine, I’ll do it. So what are we doing? Playing birthday parties? Street fairs?
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I’m going on a summer tour. Five hundred cities in ninety days.
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Whaaaaaaaaaa???!!!!
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Hey, that's my catchphrase! But you can borrow it if you let me in this story.
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Lisa, can you tell your friend the Hunchback King to go away? We’ve got to rehearse!
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Wow. Nobody ever called me no king before. *wipes tear* Thank you.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Pt. 3
| After tapping on Clarissa Wellington's exclamation mark
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Alright. The first stop is going to be the Krusty the Clown Show.
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How exciting!
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All of our tour bookings are based on how we do there. If it goes great, I’ll be rich! As will you, to a much, much lesser extent.
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What if the show doesn’t go great?
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I will make it my personal mission in life to break my foot off in your tush. Sorry. My mom-ager says I’m not allowed to say ass.
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Clarissa!
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Sorry, mommy!
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| Task: "Make Clarissa Wellington Put Two Thousand Dollars in the Swear Jar". The job takes place at Krustylu Studios or a Brown House and takes 4 hours.
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Well, Janey is great on piano, and Lewis is a maestro on bass.
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Don’t sell yourself short either. You are just as renowned for your talents as we are for ours.
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We’ll do great. So when are we doing the Krusty show? In a month or two?
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At five o’clock today. That’s two hours from now, so let’s start writing the original song we’re gonna perform.
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Whaaaaaaa???!!!
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Pt. 4
| After tapping on Lisa's exclamation mark
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We can’t come up with an original song on the fly!
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We need the rights to perform a song on TV, dummy. And it’s too late to get them now!
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Hmm. Not if the song is over a hundred years old. Then it’s public domain!
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I don’t want to sing some dusty old song about frankfurter sandwiches. I want a song that means something.
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What about “Lift Every Voice and Sing”?
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The Black National Anthem?
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Of course. Mr. Largo already taught it to us for the Black History Month Showcase. And it just turned a hundred years old!
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Hmm. That could work. Let’s try it out. A-one, and a-two, and a-one two three four five six seven eight nine ten eleven twelve come-on-in-on-thirteen…
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| Task: "Make Clarissa Wellington Jam Out to "Lift Every Voice and Sing"". The job takes place at Krustylu Studios or a Brown House and takes 4 hours.
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Wow! That was great. No wonder Beyoncé did it at Coachella. We’re gonna blow the Krusty audience away!
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There is no audience. They do it pre-taped now ever since Robby Fry the Animal Guy was mauled to death by that panther.
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Oh, right. Poor Robby Fry. They never did find out where that panther came from.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Pt. 5
| After tapping on Krusty's exclamation mark
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Alright. Before you ask, no you can’t use my private bathroom, the check is in the mail, and my producer will cue you in after my “Baby Garbage Man” sketch is done. Break a whatever.
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Do we have to perform on this chalk outline of Robby Fry?
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Of course you don’t. Here’s a mop. Knock yourself out.
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Alright. Are you small time saps ready for the big time? You better be, or you’ll be busking on the sidewalk for Canadian loonies.
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You know, we don’t like it when you talk to us that way.
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You… you don’t?
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Of course not! It’s rude.
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I’m… sorry. I thought part of being a star was acting like a total B all the time.
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Do not bring me into this. I treat my crew with mucho respeto.
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I am so sorry. If we kill this performance, I promise to spend the rest of the tour making it up to you all.
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| Task: "Make Clarissa Wellington Kill This Performance". The job takes place at Krustylu Studios or a Brown House and takes 4 hours.
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Wow, Clarissa, you were amazing! I was moved to tears!
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Hey hey, kids! The phones are lighting up like crazy! Everyone’s calling in to say…
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Uh huh…
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Uh huh…
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Uh huh…
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Uh huh…
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That they can’t see a thing. The satellite feed must’ve cut out during my sketch. I’m so sorry that the American TV audience never got a chance to see me play a garbage man in a diaper.
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When can we come back to perform? Tomorrow? Next week?
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Try ten months from now. My forty week hiatus starts today. I’d love to have you back though. Assuming I don’t die from all the things I plan to do during my time off.
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*sigh* Well, I guess the tour's off. But I learned a valuable lesson along the way.
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To treat people the way they’d like to be treated?
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No. To stop doing local TV. This type of thing would never happen on The View!
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| Quest reward: 200 and 20
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Behind the Laughter
In Pt. 1, Lisa incorrectly says that Clarissa beat her in Krusty's Li'l Starmaker. However, in "A Star Is Torn", Clarissa came third, behind Lisa and Cameron.
The "offscreen mom" who talks to Clarissa in Pt. 3 is actually a silhouette version of Paul from "The Marge-ian Chronicles" episode tie-in.
