Homer the Moe/Quotes
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- Lisa: Where's Bart? His Mountain Dew's getting flat.
- Marge: [looking out the window] That's odd. He's outside, digging.
- Homer: Probably digging for drugs.
- Marge: There's no drugs out there!
- Homer: No. [suspiciously] Of course not.
- Marge: Bart, this is Dr. Kaufman. He's a special kind of talking doctor.
- Dr. Kaufman: Call me Bob. Well, that's quite a hole you're digging.
- Bart: Thanks, Bob.
- Kaufman: A-heh. You know, a hole's a great place to hide when people are fighting. Are there angry people in your house?
- Bart: My dad's always yelling that whitey's keeping him down.
- Kaufman: [writing notes] I see...
- [Moe interupts Homer's story about Bart digging.]
- Moe: That is the stupidest story I ever heard, and I've read the entire Sweet Valley High series.
- Homer: Geez, Moe, you've been a real crank lately.
- [Moe pulls a shotgun from behind the bar, cocks it, and points it at Homer.]
- Moe: You take that back!
- [Bartender Homer takes a prank call.]
- Homer: [phone rings] Yello?
- Bart: [on phone] Um, yeah, I'd like to speak to a Mr. Tabooger. First name Ollie.
- Homer: Ooo, Bart! My first prank call! What do I do?
- Bart: Just ask if anyone knows Ollie Tabooger.
- Homer: I don't get it.
- Bart: Yell out, 'I'll eat a booger.'
- Homer: "What's the gag?"
- Bart: Oh, forget it!
- [Bart hangs up in frustration.]
- [Homer's impromptu street song.]
- I'm a walking down the street,
- Gonna open Moe's bar,
- I'm a-singin' what I'm thinkin',
- Hey, look at that dog!
- [Moe's new tavern, 'M,' is open.]
- Carl: I don't get all this eyeball stuff. [referring to giant close-ups of eyes on video screens] What are they supposed to represent? Eyeballs?
- Moe: It's 'Po-Mo!'
- [Homer, Barney, Lenny and Carl stare at him blankly.]
- Moe: Post-Modern?
- [They continue to stare blankly.]
- Moe: Yeah, all right. 'Weird for the sake of weird.'
- Homer, Barney, Lenny and Carl: Ohh!
- [Sung to the tune of Joan Jett's "I Love Rock 'n' Roll"]
- Homer, Lenny, Carl and Barney: I won't drink at Moe's. Homer's old garage is all I need!
- I won't drink at Moe's...
- Homer: ...'cause Moe's a big jerk, and a she-male, too!
- Homer: Turkeys... the only animal smarter than man.
- Homer: I'm sorry I shot you, Moe.
- Moe: Aw, that's okay. It's like my dad always said, 'Eventually, everybody gets shot.'
