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Military Antiques
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
- For the store, see Herman's Military Antiques.
| Military Antiques
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| Tapped Out Quest Information
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Military Antiques is a questline in The Simpsons: Tapped Out. It was released in the Level 30 content update. It unlocks Herman and Herman's Military Antiques.
Dialogue
Pt. 1
| After tapping on Marge's exclamation mark
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Lisa, I would never criticize your town-building skills, but I've been to all these stores a zillion times. A shopper needs variety!
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Well, I was thinking we could rebuild Herman's shop. But I don't think you'd shop there. It sells military antiques.
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A store's a store. Build it! Build it now!
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| Task: "Build the Herman's Military Antiques".
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| Build: Herman's Military Antiques
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| New Character: Herman
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Quest reward:  100 and  10
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Pt. 2
| After tapping on Herman's exclamation mark
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They say when you go over to the other side, you come back changed.
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Unfortunately, I remain exactly the same.
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| Task: "Make Herman Run the Antique Shop". The task takes place at Herman's Military Antiques and takes 8 hours.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Pt. 3
| After tapping on Wiggum's exclamation mark
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I'd like to purchase this AK-47, please. Will you need to run a background check on me?
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Of course not. That would infringe on your Constitutional right to never be inconvenienced -- even in the tiniest, most reasonable way -- when guns are involved.
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It's all part of "Gun Buyers Are To Be Hailed As Our Worthiest Heroes" Act of 2013... sponsored by the NRA.
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Great! The ready availability of guns to the public makes my job as a cop safer AND easier.
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| Task: "Make Wiggum Read NRA Pamphlets". The task takes place at Herman's Military Antiques and takes 24 hours.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Pt. 4
| After tapping on Wiggum's exclamation mark
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Apu, give me a Squishee, beef jerky, and an advanced assault rifle-type weapons platform with integrated laser range finder and grenade launcher.
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Something experimental like Tony Stark wishes he had.
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We don't stock guns, you overweight imbecile.
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You do realize it's now illegal to operate a store that doesn't sell firearms?
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It's all part of the "How Else May We Serve, Oh Wise and Powerful NRA?" Act. You're going to jail!
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| Task: "Make Apu Serve Time". The task takes place at Springfield Penitentiary and takes 24 hours.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Pt. 5
| After tapping on Marge's exclamation mark
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Why are all of Springfield's stores shutting down! There's nowhere to shop!
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Sorry Marge, that's the law. I have to defend the people's right to buy guns whenever the whim strikes them.
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What about MY Constitutional rights to a decent downtown, fun window shopping, and jeans at a variety of price points?
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Those aren't rights! Or are they? Who can say! That's the funny thing about the law -- you never have the slightest clue what it is.
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Well, I'm taking my message to the people!
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| Task: "Make Marge Protest... Something". The task takes 24 hours.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Pt. 6
| After tapping on Marge's exclamation mark
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We need to organize to protest these terrible laws that are shutting down our God-given stores. Herman, are you in?
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That's affirmative. It's time we took our government back.
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That's what democracy is all about, right?
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Right. Now let's mount an armed frontal assault on City Hall. Democracy-style.
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Uh... come again?
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| Task: "Make Herman Draft Battle Plans". The task takes place at Bart's Treehouse and takes 4 hours.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Pt. 7
| After tapping on Herman's exclamation mark
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The battle plans are ready, Marge. You say the word, and we take back City Hall!
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Geez, I'm reading over these plans, and there's an awful lot of shooting and yelling and reconnoitering. It all sounds very violent.
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To the lay person, it probably does. But when you're staging a blood-drenched coup, violence really helps keep up morale.
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It's something the whole battalion can have fun doing together.
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Why not lose a pincer movement or two, and let's see if we can overthrow the state without all the fisticuffs?
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| Task: "Make Herman Draft Battle Plans". The task takes place at Bart's Treehouse and takes 4 hours.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Pt. 8
| After tapping on Herman's exclamation mark
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The new battle plans are drawn. If all goes according to plan, not a single shot will be fired.
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But be warned: there WILL be mild swearing, intermittent sneaking around, and a post-operation cleanup where everybody --
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and I mean EVERYBODY -- pitches in, leaving City Hall just as tidy as they found it.
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If that sounds like more than you can stomach, best stay home, soldier!
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Much better. Let's prepare for "battle!"
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| Tasks: "Place a Training Dummy" and "Make Herman Train for Battle". The task takes place at a Training Dummy and takes 60 minutes.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Pt. 9
| After tapping on Herman's exclamation mark
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Attack City Hall! Storm the gates!
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Wipe your feet on the mat before entering! Pause to admire the mural in the lobby -- it's from the 1920's!
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And remember to be nice to the receptionists! They have a hard job!
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We're doing it, Marge! We're taking back our government.
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Shhh! No shouting inside City Hall. People are trying to work. Attack quietly or not at all!
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| Tasks: "Make Herman Stage a Coup" and "Make Marge Stage a Coup". The tasks take place at the Town Hall and take 24 hours.
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What is the meaning of this? Who is this rabble sitting patiently in my waiting area?
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It's a coup. We're tired of government walking all over the people, so we're taking back City Hall!
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We're not going to put up with limited shopping options, crazy pro-gun laws, a mob armed with blunderbusses, thinly-premised Wolfcastle films, and... and...
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What exactly ARE we trying to accomplish?
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Honestly, I've forgotten.
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I guess this whole story didn't make much sense. You know, we never thought anyone would play long enough to get to level 30.
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Guys, maybe this is a good thing. A real wake up call for everyone involved with this game.
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I mean, come on. Herman? THAT'S the best character we have to add? No offense, Herm.
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Even I know it's true.
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Let's get back to the drawing board, and get to work on a level 31 that'll really knock everyone's socks off!
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Sorry about level 30, guys. If you promise not to gripe to EA too much, everybody can have three donuts.
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Quest reward:  3 and 10
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