Difference between revisions of "Rosebud/Quotes"

Revision as of 14:10, August 27, 2012

Mr. Burns: How much do you want.

Homer: A million dollars and three Hawaiian islands. Good ones, not the leper one.

Mr. Burns: Have the Rolling Stones killed.

Smithers: But sir, those weren't the...

Mr. Burns: Do as I say!

Homer: Mmmm. Sixty-four slices of American cheese. Sixty-four. Sixty-three. Two. One.

Marge: Have you been up all night eating cheese?

Homer: I think I'm blind.

Marge: What are you doing?

Homer: I'm writing a delicious send-up of Mr. Burns for his birthday party. Is poo-poo one word or two?

Marge: I don't think it's a good idea to humiliate your boss on his birthday.

Lisa: Actually, Mom, a tweaking of Mr. Burns' foibles if done with the greatest of care could earn Dad a special place in the old man's heart.

Homer: Well, I also do a delightful impression of him. [laughs] I paint a frowny face on my butt and pull down my pants!

[Marge and Lisa groan]

Homer: Now, I'm not saying Mr. Burns is incontinent...

Bart: Incontinent! (laughs) Too rich!

Lisa: Does either of you know what incontinent means?

Homer: Lisa, don't spoil our fun.

Marge: Come on, everybody, it's time to go.

Homer: OK, stupid.

Marge: Homer, you've got to stop insulting everyone, especially your boss!

Homer: Marge, the comedy roast is an American tradition. It's what gives us the freedom to criticize our social betters. [Outside, Flanders is clipping the hedge] Hey Flanders! You smell like manure.

Flanders: Uh oh. Better cancel that dinner party tonight. Thanks for the nose-news, neighbor!

Smithers: I have some sad news to report. A small puppy, not unlike Lassie, was just run over in the parking lot.

(Audience gasps)

Smithers: And now it's time for the comedy stylings of Homer Simpson!

Homer: Are you ready to laugh?

Man: That poor dog.

Homer: Are you ready to laugh? I said, are you ready to laugh!?

Lady: Quiet, you awful man.

Homer: You know, Mr. Burns is so cheap.

Mr. Burns: Whaaat?

Homer: I mean...Mr. Burns is so old--

Mr. Burns: How dare you!

Homer: Woo hoo, tough crowd.

Homer: Oh, where did I lose 'em? I'll never wiggle my bare butt in public again.

Lisa: I'd like to believe that this time. I really would.

Marge: Bart, run down to the store and get a big bag of ice for your father.

Bart: Yes'm. Dad, I know you're discouraged, but please don't deny the world your fat can.

Homer: Don't worry, boy, he'll be ready for your Aunt Selma's birthday.

Lisa: I knew it.

Marge: I'm sure he'll offer a fair reward. And then we'll make him double it.

Family: Huh? Marge: Well, why can't I be greedy once in a while?

Ice Delivery Man: You've got to start charging more than a dollar a bag. We lost four more men on this expedition!

Apu: If you can think of a better way to get ice, I'd like to hear it.

Nelson: My old man can't get a beer because his old man won't give a bear to another old man! Let's get him!

Jimbo: Wait, why are we getting him?

Martin: Look, fellows. The first snapdragon of the season.

Nelson: Never mind. Let's get him!

Smithers: Who's Bobo, sir?

Mr. Burns: Bobo? Duh..uh, I meant Lobo...Sherrif Lobo, they should have never canceled that show.

Bart: (Pulls Bobo out of the bag of ice.) Hey, it's a teddy bear. Gross, it's probably diseased or something. Here, Maggie.

Homer: Who needs his money? We're getting by okay.

(Grampa crashes a Ute through the Simpsons' wall.)

Grampa: Son, you gotta help me! I hit three people on the way over here, and I don't have any insurance! (Pause) So, how's my Ute?

Homer: My life can't get any worse.

Smithers: Homer Simpson, report for "much worse" duty.

Homer: D'oh!

Mr. Burns: Smithers, I'm so happy. Something amazing has happened, I'm actually happy. Take a note! From now on, I'm only going to be good and kind to everyone.

Smithers: I'm sorry sir, I don't have a pencil.

Mr. Burns: Oh, don't worry, I'm sure I'll remember it.