Difference between revisions of "In the Swim/Quotes"

Latest revision as of 14:21, August 23, 2026

Waylon Smithers: The ship is sinking! Get back, women and children! Mr. Burns gets to the lifeboat first! Well then, now that we've gone over safety procedures in the event of an accident, let's all relax and enjoy the Springfield Nuclear Plant's family fun cruise!

Marge: What's wrong, Lisa? Are you seasick?

Lisa: No, Mom, I'm sick of this farce! Mr. Burns is only throwing this party as a distraction while he dumps the plant's nuclear waste into the Springfield Channel.

Mr. Burns: And if some "Little Lisa Looselips" decides to spill the beans, remember, in the eyes of the law, everyone on this boat is an accomplice.

Mr. Burns: Oh bravo, Smithers! A top-drawer rescue! If only the Titanic had you on board, we wouldn't have to hear all those boring survivor's stories!

Homer: And that's how I saved Mr. Burns, Mr. Smithers, Lenny, Carl, and Barney.

Bart: Wait, how did you save Barney?

Barney Gumble: I got my head caught in the pickled egg jar at Moe's. I would have drowned if Homer hadn't told me to drink the brine.

Lisa: Mom! You know this is wrong!

Marge: But I believe in democracy, Lisa. It may not be perfect, but it's the best system we've taken the time to learn about.

Homer: Mr. Smithers, do you know where a guy could go to get his head magnetized?

Smithers: I'd say North Dakota.

Mr. Burns: Greetings and salutations! I just wanted to extend my best wishes for saving my life! Smithers, extend my best wishes arm, will you?

Homer: You're welcome, Mr. Burns. So is there some sort of, um... reward?

Mr. Burns: Yes, there is! The greatest reward of all!

Homer: Money, wrapped in ham and floating in a pool filled with beer?

Homer: Isn't the Channel really polluted with nuclear waste?

Mr. Burns: No one will think so when they see you arrive at the other side... not deceased. And that will be the end of all the state fines and lawsuits from fisherman's widows.

Homer: So it's safe?

Mr. Burns: Safe enough for a baby to swim in.

Smithers: A baby, sir?

Mr. Burns: Fine. An orphan baby. Someone no one will miss.

Ralph Wiggum: What's wrong, Lisa? Is your smile broken?

Lisa: I usually have a salad with lunch... but my family doesn't allow vegetables in the house any more. Mom's trying. She sculpted this processed cheese into the shape of a carrot and dyed a boiled egg to look like a beet. But I need the real thing.

Seth: Hey there, Gil. Listen, we don't want to be a bummer and play the authority card, but have you been stealing from our vegetable patch?

Gil Gunderson: What? Why the very idea...

Munchie: The sad part is, he didn't need to swipe anything. We were gonna pay him in fresh fruits and vegetables!

Kent Brockman: Mr. Burns! Kent Brockman, Channel Six News! It looks like your athelete got winded climbing up the stairs to the podium. Is this swim going to be safe for him?

Jesse Grass: Don't worry, my sea brother! You're free now!

Teenage girl: Hey, Jesse, I'm all for busting him out of the aquarium, but is it safe to put him in the channel?

Jesse Grass: This was as far as my electric truck could get on a charge, so it'll have to be! Swim far! Swim free!

Lisa: It took a bit of sewing, but the outfit fits great now!

Munchie: Awesome! Good luck, little legume!

Lisa: Actually, a carrot isn't a legume.

Munchie: I was talking to the giant bean standing behind you. Isn't that right, Beanie Boy?

Seth: Munchie, we talked about this. You have to stop drinking that "special" vegetable juice Homer accidentally made when he worked for us.

Munchie: And you have to stop melting... so we're even!

Homer: Aw nuts! What do you want? To eat me? But the Sea Captain said killer whales don't eat people!

Captain McCallister: Ahrrr, I've been wrong before. Take my third wife, for example.

Agnes Skinner: You know I can hear you!

Marge: You've got to let Homer quit!

Bart: Yeah, you can't let Free Willy there eat my dad!

Mr. Burns: Homer, if you quit, not only will I fire you, but I'll cook and eat you myself! What? So I'm the only one who's ever wondered what he'd taste like?

Professor Frink: Oh sweet glavin! The radioactive water has accelerated the whale's evolution! ~Gah hey!~

Mr. Burns: In English, Professor?

Professor Frink: Whales got legs! Run! [GA-HOY!]