Difference between revisions of "The Ol' Nip and Tuck"

Latest revision as of 18:27, May 14, 2025

The Ol' Nip and Tuck

Tapped Out Quest Information Level: 15 Update: New Year New You Required characters: Unlicensed Surgeon Moe, Barflies Internal name(s): TheOlNipAndTuck ID(s): 240012 - 240016

The Ol' Nip and Tuck is a questline in The Simpsons: Tapped Out. It was introduced in the New Year New You content update. It requires Unlicensed Surgeon Moe to be obtained.

Dialogue[edit]

Pt. 1[edit]

After tapping on Moe's exclamation mark This wellness crap going around is really cutting into my poison-pushing business. It's all these millennial elites forcing this healthy hogwash on the rest of us! Millennials. All they do is spend Mommy and Daddy's money on bushels of kale, $8 green teas, and then when the weekend comes around — Schedule Four Drugs! Yeah, no wonder they can never pay off their impossibly large college loans. I know it's a little harsh, but I have to say it: millennials suck. Look, I don't care about all your fresh takes on modern-day topics! What I care about is that nobody's coming into my dank, dimly-lit tavern for their steady intake of brewskies and bar nuts. What are you talking about? All of your customers are here: Me, Carl, Barney, Homer. *looks around the bar* Carl... You're forgetting one third of my clientele: Trucker Hat Guy and Stringy Hair Guy. Oh yeah! Wait, are those guys wellness freaks now? Trucker Hat traded in his Truck for a Prius... And Stringy Hair is so chock-full of Omega-3s from the salmon he's eatin', that his hair is all thick and luscious now. But you got those side gigs in the backroom to prop up business, right? Yeah, I'm sure you can make up for it with the exotic animal trade. Had to shut it down. Turned out my last batch of cheetahs were just cats spray-painted to look like cheetahs. What about the backroom unlicensed surgeries? Some guy got an X-ray and saw that I accidentally left a cue ball in his insides. No one's come back since. Sounds like you need some new customers, Moe. *belches* Yeah, but who? No millennial elite will want to set foot in here. We don't need those avocado toasters! I'm sure we can think of something! Task: "Make Barflies Have Drunk Brainstorming Session" (x3). The jobs take place at Moe's Tavern or a Visitable Home and take 3 hours. And put another circle there. Great! That completes our Glen diagram. It's Venn diagram. Venn? I always thought it was called a Glen diagram because nobody actually knows anyone named Glen. And if they DO know someone named Glen, they put him in the middle, because they don't really have a strong opinion of someone named Glen. Well, the point is: we need to find the right customers. People with enough money to pay for our unsanctioned surgeries, but also not too much, because then they'd just go to a real doctor. So who does that leave us with? Looks like the only people left in the center of the diagram are prisoners. But Moe, how would you get alone in a room with a prisoner to operate on them? Two words: conjugal visits. Like the romantic kind?! Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 2[edit]

After tapping on Moe's exclamation mark Alright Moe, you've got five minutes with the prisoner. Use the telephone there on the side of the booth. And no kissing the plexiglass! I'm tired of cleaning lipstick off of it! Can I help you? Fernando Vidal. So they finally got you for murder, eh? Hitman like you, I can't believe it took 'em this long. Oh, they didn't get me for murder...tax evasion, actually. Well, I think we can help each other. I'm here to offer my services to you and your fellow prisoners. Surgical operations on the cheap. Really? Hmm, that is interesting. There is one particular operation that would come in handy. However, I can only pay you in cigarettes and ramen. That stuff is gold on the inside. Hey, that stuff is gold on the outside too. A six-pack of ramen and a carton of cigs, and I'll do whatever operation you need. Task: "Make Moe Haggle Prices". The job takes place at Springfield Penitentiary, Moe's Tavern, or a Visitable Home and takes 2 hours. So we've agreed on a price. Two cigarette cartons, four ramen packs, plus you gotta shiv the guy in cell block 149B. Agreed. So then what sort of operation were you wanting? Are you familiar with the film "Face Switch"? Oh, boy. Always wanted to do one of those. But look, we just need a private place to meet up, so we, uh...we're gonna have to arrange a visit of a, uh...conjugal nature. That...I can arrange. There's the Starry Nights Room, Bridal Falls, Daffodil Daydream, and the Execution Room. Daffodil Daydream sounds nice. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 3[edit]

After tapping on Moe's exclamation mark Alright, Mr. Vidal. I'm all done. Here's a mirror. What do you think? I must say, Moe. I can't even recognize myself. That's the whole point, ain't it? New face and all. Your handiwork is a thing of beauty. If you don't mind me asking, where did you procure the other face for the swap? Oh. You really want to know the dirty details? Well, it is my face now. I got a guy who works on that life-like robot show "Westworld". His cousin got hit by a truck crossing the street and now you're wearing his face. So that's that. Well, here are your cigarettes and ramen for payment. Pleasure doin' business. Task: "Make Unlicensed Surgeon Moe Hand Out Flyers at the Prison". The job takes 4 hours. Chief, looks like we got an escaped prisoner on the loose again. Here's a picture of him. Let's hunt this guy down and give him the business. I mean...apprehend him, gently. *winks* You there, handsome fella...have you seen this man? Oh, yes officers. I saw him come out of the prison there, and then he ran that way. We're on the scent, boys. But I've got two scents at the moment, so first we stop for donuts and then we're headed that way. He never stood a chance. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 4[edit]

After tapping on Moe's exclamation mark Moe Szyslak, checking in for a... *whispers* a, uh... *mumbles* conjugal visit. It's your fourth time this week, Moe. Oh, well...we just really love each other. And it's a different prisoner every time. We all really love each other. Yeah, but Big Pookie? I mean no judgment, but what do you see in that guy? I once watched him eat a live swan that flew over the fence. Yep, uh...that's my thing. That's what really does it for me. Task: "Make Unlicensed Surgeon Moe Perform Secret Surgery on Big Pookie". The job takes place at Springfield Penitentiary, Moe's Tavern, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 5[edit]

After tapping on Moe's exclamation mark Alright, boys. We've tracked the black market surgeon known only as Moesenberg to this conjugal visitation trailer. Word on the street is he should be here any second. I'll take your WORD for it. See what I did there? Not really...wait, I hear something, Chief. Alright, Pookie. Put your brass knuckles down and put on a hospital gown. *bursting in* Hands where I can see 'em, Moesenberg! *puts hands up* Chief Wiggum! What an interesting place to meet. Wrapping up a conjugal visit of your own? You can't fool me, Moesenberg. We know you're doing illegal surgeries for prisoners in this unmonitored daffodil-filled sex den! Chief, perhaps you'd be interested in a bit of a nip and tuck to take care of those extra folds above the utility belt? And, uh, it'd be on the house of course. Blue Badge Special, I call it. Hmm, ya know I have been thinking about taking care of that extra pound or two I put on. Then I could get back to my college weight. Boys, wait outside. Pookie, you can stay if you want. Task: "Make Unlicensed Surgeon Moe Give Wiggum the Ol' Nip and Tuck". The job takes place at Springfield Penitentiary, Moe's Tavern, or a Visitable Home and takes 5 hours. I have to say it, Moesenberg. I haven't looked this good since I got a donut hole stuck in my windpipe and I couldn't eat solids for a week. You know, if you could pass out my brochure to the boys at the precinct, it would be much appreciated. Oh, yeah. I'll definitely tell Eddie. He's been talking about getting surgical hair implants for years. *leaves* *looking around* Where did my cellphone go? *gasp* I think I might have sewn it up inside Wiggum. Quest reward: 200 and 20