Difference between revisions of "The Dad-Feelings Limited/Quotes"

Latest revision as of 09:00, January 5, 2021

Marge: We're booked solid with birthday parties today, and we have no presents.

Homer: Don't worry, I got this. Auto Trader for the girls. Adult Escort Express for the boys. Kids are adults, right?

Homer: Time to go to Milhouse's puppy party. If we go late, you'll get a crappy dog.

Leland Huebner III: Excuse me. You just passed my street.

Homer: Who the hell are you?

Leland Huebner III: Leland Huebner III.

Marge: Go back and get Bart.

Homer: Hold on, this one seems all right. A little stuck up, but all right.

Ned Flanders: Thanks so much for the last-minute dinner invitation.

Homer: There never was any dinner. You fell for a scam. You're babysitting. No money.

Marge: Oh, Maggie's up. Can you go sit with her while I warm a bottle?

Kumiko: Oh, but I don't know much about babies. Except how to dress like one.

Kumiko: [through baby monitor to Maggie] All is well. Silence. You are loved!

Kumiko: [to Marge] I just remembered something I must tell my husband.

[Kumiko returns home and slams open the door]

Kumiko: Impregnate me at once!

Comic Book Guy: It's selfish to bring a new life into a world with diminishing resources. The planet is running out of watchable IP! They say by 2028 all we will have left is the General Mills Cinematic Universe starring Hamburger Helper.

Marge: Kumiko's baby fever is out of control. Look at all these comments she left. It goes really quick from smiley face to "Without a baby, all is horror."

Professor: We can return to our time if we can just get this paddle steamer up to 99 miles an hour.

Mickey: Is that relative to the shore or the water?

Professor: Great Steve, Mickey! I don't know!

Comic Book Guy: Yes, all right, you little trolls. If you must, tear the classic down with your snarky little remarks. Go.

Lisa: An emotionally satisfying ending. Are you sure this is an American movie?

Bart: I can't believe it. I... cared what happened.

Homer: We're trapped in a crypt full of... smooth jazz.

Comic Book Guy: You know, maybe I was wrong to dismiss the idea of children so... so quickly.

Kumiko: Do you mean it? Hurry. Let's return these loaner kids and go home to make a mixed-race nerd.

Comic Book Guy: I have returned. Forever.

Postage Stamp Fellow: Your room is unchanged... as are your sheets.

Homer: So... your husband ran away to his childhood home, leaving you alone. Maybe forever. Also, childless.

Marge: I'm sure you're experiencing a lot of feelings right now. It's okay to let them out.

Kumiko: [to Marge] I hate you, you shameless womb tease! You're like a baby drug dealer! You give me a taste, and now I'm hooked! [to Homer] This is on you, too! You've crushed my only chance at happiness, you ape-faced cheeseburger goblin! Make this right. Bring back my husband!

Bob Balaban: [narrating] This crazy place is Comic Book Guy's childhood home. An only child, he grew up surrounded by an eccentric extended family of childless aunts and uncles. However, his family poured their love into their collections, instead of into the lonely little boy wandering the halls. His aunt collected taxidermized chestnut-tailed starlings, causing her to form a tacit alliance with her twin brother, who collected brutalist birdhouses. His great step-uncle, who had once had his heart broken by a meter maid, was a gatherer of discredited obstetric equipment, while his younger dowager aunt collected antique Chinese cricket boxes and filled them with live crickets, who frequently escaped. The only thing of value the family did not display in the home was love. And the love he sought most was that of his father, who spent his days as an avid philatelist.

Bob Balaban: [narrating] Marge then confronted Postage Stamp Fellow about this life-changing incident with his son.

Marge: What? Oh. Okay.

Postage Stamp Fellow: I didn't go to your game, because I was afraid if you lost, I wouldn't know how to comfort you. So I supported you the only way I knew how. I purchased you a collectible. Which I never had the heart to give you.

Comic Book Guy: Wife, I have returned... healed! I am now... Changed Better Guy.