Difference between revisions of "Marge vs. the Monorail/Quotes"
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{{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Homer's Triple Bypass|Selma's Choice}} | {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Homer's Triple Bypass|Selma's Choice}} | ||
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| − | + | {{qf|[[Lenny Leonard]]}} What do they do with these things after we seal 'em? | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Carl Carlson]]}} I hear they dump them in an abandoned chalk mine and cover 'em with cement. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Lenny}} I hear they're sending 'em to one of those southern states where the governor's a crook. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Carl}} Either way I'm sleepin' good tonight! | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Waylon Smithers]]}} Well, sir, where shall we dump this batch—the playground? | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Mr. Burns]]}} No, all those bald children are arousing suspicion—to the [[Springfield Park|park]]! | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|[[Marge]]}} Well, I think we should spend the money on something the whole town can be proud of. | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Homer]]}} Like a giant billboard that says, "No fat chicks"? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} No. | |
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---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|[[Mayor Quimby]]}} Very well. We will now hear suggestions for the-a disbursement of the-a two million dollars. | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Lisa]]}} Don't you mean three million dollars? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Mayor Quimby}} Of course. How silly of me. | |
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---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|[[Maude Flanders]]}} Excuse me, we could use the money to hire firemen to finally put out that blaze on the east side of town. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Bo-ring! | |
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---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Mr. Burns}} Hello. My name is Mr. Snrub, and I come from... eh, someplace far away. Yes, that will do. Anyway, I-I say we invest that money back in the [[Springfield Nuclear Power Plant|nuclear plant]]. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Smithers}} I like the way Snrub thinks. | |
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---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|[[Apu Nahasapeemapetilon]]}} Pardon me, but I would like to see this money spent on more police officers. I have been shot eight times this year, and as a result I almost missed work. | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Chief Wiggum]]}} Crybaby. | |
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---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|[[Lyle Lanley]]}} You know, a town with money's a little like the mule with a spinning wheel. No one knows how he got it and danged if he knows how to use it! | |
| − | :'''Homer | + | :''[the townspeople laugh]'' |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Heh-heh... mule. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Lyle Lanley}} The name's Lanley. Lyle Lanley. And I come before you good people tonight with an idea. Probably the greatest... Ah, it's not for you. It's more of a "Shelbyville" idea. | |
| + | {{qf|Mayor Quimby}} Now wait just a minute. We're twice as smart as the people of Shelbyville. Just tell us your idea and we'll vote for it. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :'' | + | {{qf|Marge}} I still think we should have spent the money to fix [[Main Street]]. |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Well, you should have written a song like that guy. | |
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Lyle Lanley}} Now, I'm here to answer any questions you children may have about the monorail. | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Ralph Wiggum]]}} Can it outrun [[The Flash]]? | ||
| + | {{qf|Lyle Lanley}} You bet. | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Chuck Berger]]}} Can [[Superman]] outrun The Flash? | ||
| + | {{qf|Lyle Lanley}} ''[taken aback]'' Eh, sure, why not? | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Announcer}} Coming soon, it's ''[[Truckasaurus: The Movie]]'' starring [[Marlon Brando]] as the voice of John Truckasaurus. | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Truckasaurus]]}} ''[Marlon Brando voice]'' You crazy car. I don't know whether to eat you or kiss you. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Marge, I want to be a monorail conductor. | ||
| + | {{qf|Marge}} Homer, no... | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} It's my life-long dream. | ||
| + | {{qf|Marge}} Your life-long dream was to run out on the field during a baseball game, and you did it last year, remember? | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Do you want to change your name to Homer Junior? The kids can call you Hoju! | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Bart]]}} I'll get back to you. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Lyle Lanley}} ...so then, "mono" means "one" and "rail" means "rail." And that concludes our intensive three-week course. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Marge}} ''[startled noise]'' Homer, there's a family of opossums in here! | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} I call the big one [[Bitey]]. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Sebastian Cobb]]}} My name is Sebastian Cobb. Lanley hired me to build his monorail. He cut corners everywhere... bad wiring... faulty brakes... and the celebrity on the maiden voyage was [[Gallagher]]. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Kent Brockman]]}} And here's country singing sensation, Lurleen Lumpkin, fresh from her latest stay at the [[Betty Ford Center|Betty Ford clinic]]! What ya been up to Lurleen? | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Lurleen Lumpkin]]}} I spent last night in a ditch. | ||
| + | {{qf|Kent Brockman}} ''[nervous laugh]'' How about that, folks? | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Mayor Quimby}} Now, I'd like to turn things over to our Grand Marshal, Mr. Leonard Nimoy. | ||
| + | {{qf|{{Ch|Leonard Nimoy}}}} ''[chuckling]'' I'd say this vessel could do at least warp five. | ||
| + | {{qf|Mayor Quimby}} And let me say, "May the force be with you." | ||
| + | {{qf|Leonard Nimoy}} Do you even know who I am? | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Lisa}} Mr. Lanley! Aren't you gonna ride the monorail? | ||
| + | {{qf|Lyle Lanley}} Little lady, I'd love to. But I have to catch a plane. | ||
| + | {{qf|Lisa}} But the ride only takes a minute. | ||
| + | {{qf|Lyle Lanley}} Yeah, well my plane leaves in less than one minute. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Marge}} We're too late! | ||
| + | {{qf|Sebastian Cobb}} I shouldn't have stopped for that haircut. Sorry. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Leonard Nimoy}} Actually, you see the doors on ''[[Star Trek]]'' were not mechanical. We had a stagehand on either side who would pull the door open when he saw you approach. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Leonard Nimoy}} A solar eclipse. The cosmic ballet goes on. | ||
| + | {{qf|Passenger}} Does anyone wanna switch seats? | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Are we gonna die, son? | ||
| + | {{qf|Bart}} Yeah, but at least we'll take a lot of innocent people with us. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Leonard Nimoy}} Well, my work is done here. | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Barney Gumble]]}} Whadaya mean, your work is done? You didn't do anything. | ||
| + | {{qf|Leonard Nimoy}} ''[chuckling]'' Didn't I? ''[teleports away]'' | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Marge}} And that was the only folly the people of Springfield ever embarked upon—except for the [[Popsicle Stick Skyscraper]]...and the [[50ft Magnifying Glass]]...and that [[Escalator to Nowhere]]. | ||
{{Season 4|Q}} | {{Season 4|Q}} | ||
Latest revision as of 14:59, February 27, 2026
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- Lenny Leonard: What do they do with these things after we seal 'em?
- Carl Carlson: I hear they dump them in an abandoned chalk mine and cover 'em with cement.
- Lenny: I hear they're sending 'em to one of those southern states where the governor's a crook.
- Carl: Either way I'm sleepin' good tonight!
- Waylon Smithers: Well, sir, where shall we dump this batch—the playground?
- Mr. Burns: No, all those bald children are arousing suspicion—to the park!
- Marge: Well, I think we should spend the money on something the whole town can be proud of.
- Homer: Like a giant billboard that says, "No fat chicks"?
- Marge: No.
- Mayor Quimby: Very well. We will now hear suggestions for the-a disbursement of the-a two million dollars.
- Lisa: Don't you mean three million dollars?
- Mayor Quimby: Of course. How silly of me.
- Maude Flanders: Excuse me, we could use the money to hire firemen to finally put out that blaze on the east side of town.
- Homer: Bo-ring!
- Mr. Burns: Hello. My name is Mr. Snrub, and I come from... eh, someplace far away. Yes, that will do. Anyway, I-I say we invest that money back in the nuclear plant.
- Smithers: I like the way Snrub thinks.
- Apu Nahasapeemapetilon: Pardon me, but I would like to see this money spent on more police officers. I have been shot eight times this year, and as a result I almost missed work.
- Chief Wiggum: Crybaby.
- Lyle Lanley: You know, a town with money's a little like the mule with a spinning wheel. No one knows how he got it and danged if he knows how to use it!
- [the townspeople laugh]
- Homer: Heh-heh... mule.
- Lyle Lanley: The name's Lanley. Lyle Lanley. And I come before you good people tonight with an idea. Probably the greatest... Ah, it's not for you. It's more of a "Shelbyville" idea.
- Mayor Quimby: Now wait just a minute. We're twice as smart as the people of Shelbyville. Just tell us your idea and we'll vote for it.
- Marge: I still think we should have spent the money to fix Main Street.
- Homer: Well, you should have written a song like that guy.
- Lyle Lanley: Now, I'm here to answer any questions you children may have about the monorail.
- Ralph Wiggum: Can it outrun The Flash?
- Lyle Lanley: You bet.
- Chuck Berger: Can Superman outrun The Flash?
- Lyle Lanley: [taken aback] Eh, sure, why not?
- Announcer: Coming soon, it's Truckasaurus: The Movie starring Marlon Brando as the voice of John Truckasaurus.
- Truckasaurus: [Marlon Brando voice] You crazy car. I don't know whether to eat you or kiss you.
- Homer: Marge, I want to be a monorail conductor.
- Marge: Homer, no...
- Homer: It's my life-long dream.
- Marge: Your life-long dream was to run out on the field during a baseball game, and you did it last year, remember?
- Homer: Do you want to change your name to Homer Junior? The kids can call you Hoju!
- Bart: I'll get back to you.
- Lyle Lanley: ...so then, "mono" means "one" and "rail" means "rail." And that concludes our intensive three-week course.
- Marge: [startled noise] Homer, there's a family of opossums in here!
- Homer: I call the big one Bitey.
- Sebastian Cobb: My name is Sebastian Cobb. Lanley hired me to build his monorail. He cut corners everywhere... bad wiring... faulty brakes... and the celebrity on the maiden voyage was Gallagher.
- Kent Brockman: And here's country singing sensation, Lurleen Lumpkin, fresh from her latest stay at the Betty Ford clinic! What ya been up to Lurleen?
- Lurleen Lumpkin: I spent last night in a ditch.
- Kent Brockman: [nervous laugh] How about that, folks?
- Mayor Quimby: Now, I'd like to turn things over to our Grand Marshal, Mr. Leonard Nimoy.
- Leonard Nimoy: [chuckling] I'd say this vessel could do at least warp five.
- Mayor Quimby: And let me say, "May the force be with you."
- Leonard Nimoy: Do you even know who I am?
- Lisa: Mr. Lanley! Aren't you gonna ride the monorail?
- Lyle Lanley: Little lady, I'd love to. But I have to catch a plane.
- Lisa: But the ride only takes a minute.
- Lyle Lanley: Yeah, well my plane leaves in less than one minute.
- Marge: We're too late!
- Sebastian Cobb: I shouldn't have stopped for that haircut. Sorry.
- Leonard Nimoy: Actually, you see the doors on Star Trek were not mechanical. We had a stagehand on either side who would pull the door open when he saw you approach.
- Leonard Nimoy: A solar eclipse. The cosmic ballet goes on.
- Passenger: Does anyone wanna switch seats?
- Homer: Are we gonna die, son?
- Bart: Yeah, but at least we'll take a lot of innocent people with us.
- Leonard Nimoy: Well, my work is done here.
- Barney Gumble: Whadaya mean, your work is done? You didn't do anything.
- Leonard Nimoy: [chuckling] Didn't I? [teleports away]
- Marge: And that was the only folly the people of Springfield ever embarked upon—except for the Popsicle Stick Skyscraper...and the 50ft Magnifying Glass...and that Escalator to Nowhere.
