Difference between revisions of "Homer's Enemy/Quotes"
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| − | + | {{qf|[[Frank Grimes|Grimes]]}} But this was a contest for children! | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Lenny]]}} Yeah, and Homer beat their brains out. | |
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| − | + | {{qf|Grimes}} Oh, I, I can't stand it any longer. This whole plant is insane. Insane, I tell you! Daahh! Aaah! ''[runs out of the auditorium, and into an equipment room]'' I can be lazy too! ''[takes his tie off, and moons one of the technicians]'' Look at me, I am a worthless employee, just like Homer Simpson! Give me a promotion! ''[walks into the break room, and grabs two donuts from the box]'' Ooh, I eat like a slob, but nobody minds! ''[eats in an exaggeratedly slobbish fashion]'' ''[heads into a bathroom; from the bathroom]'' I'm peeing on the seat. Give me a raise! ''[emerges from the bathroom and waves his hands in Homer's face]'' Now I'm returning to work without washing my hands. But it doesn't matter, because I'm Homer Simpson! ''[runs to Homer's work station and spins around in the chair]'' I don't need to do my work, 'cause someone else will do it for me. D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! ''[slaps forehead on each "D'oh!"]'' | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Homer]]}} Hey, you okay, Grimey? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Grimes}} I'm better than okay. I'm Homer Simpson. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} ''[chuckles]'' You wish. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Grimes}} ''[notices Mr. Burns has walked in]'' Oh, hi, Mr. Burns. I'm the worst worker in the world. Time to go home to my mansion and eat my lobster. ''[walks up to some dangerous-looking wires]'' What's this? ''[reads sign]'' "Extremely High Voltage." Well, I don't need safety gloves, because I'm Homer Simp-- ''[zaps]'' | |
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| − | + | :''[Ralph submits a [[Stacy's Dream House|Malibu Stacy Dream House]] to the nuclear model contest.]'' | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Mr. Burns]]}} Hot tub? Media room? It's supposed to be a power plant, not Aunt Beulah's Bordello! | |
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| − | + | :''[At Grimes' funeral, Homer is sleeping.]'' | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Change the channel, Marge! | |
| − | + | :''[Everyone laughs.]'' | |
| − | + | {{qf|Lenny}} That's our Homer! | |
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| − | + | {{qf|[[Marge]]}} Homer, why aren't you at work? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} The car won't start. I don't feel very good today. I am at work. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} You're afraid to go to work because Frank Grimes will be there, aren't you? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} That's crazy talk. You're crazy, Marge. Get off the road! | |
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| − | + | :''[Bart notices that the factory has collapsed.]'' | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Bart]]}} Ah, jeez. Milhouse, how could you let this happen? You were supposed to be the night watchman! | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Milhouse]]}} I was watching. I saw the whole thing. First it started falling over, then it fell over. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} Wow. Wonder where all the rats are gonna go? | |
| − | + | :''[Dozens of rats run out from under the rubble and into [[Moe's Tavern]].]'' | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Moe]]}} Okay, everybody tuck your shirts into your socks! | |
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| − | '''Frank Grimes''' | + | {{qf|Grimes}} God, I've had to work hard every day of my life and what do I have to show for it? This briefcase and this haircut! And what do you have to show for you lifetime of sloth and ignorance? |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} What? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Grimes}} Everything! A dream house, two cars, a beautiful wife, a son who owns a factory, fancy clothes, and ''[sniffs]'' lobsters for dinner! And do you deserve any of it? No! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} ''[gasps]'' What are you saying? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Frank Grimes}} ''[scoffs]'' I'm saying you're what's wrong with America, Simpson. You coast through life, you do as little as possible and you leech off decent, hard-working people like me. Heh. If you lived in any other country in the world, you'd have starved to death long ago. | |
| + | {{qf|Bart}} He's got you there, Dad. | ||
| + | {{qf|Grimes}} You're a fraud, a total fraud. ''[To Marge and the kids]'' It was nice meeting you. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '''Grimes''' | + | :''[Homer is about to unwittingly drink a beaker of sulfuric acid when Grimes smashes it out of his hand, causing it to dissolve a wall']'' |
| − | + | {{qf|Grimes}} You idiot! You almost drank a beaker full of sulfuric acid! | |
| − | '''Homer''' | + | {{qf|Homer}} Acid, eh? Jeez, that would have been stupid! ''[laughs]'' Wow, would my face have been red! ''[laughs again]'' |
| − | + | {{qf|Grimes}} Stop laughing, you imbecile!! Don't you realize how close you just came to killing yourself?! | |
| − | '''Grimes'' | + | :''[Mr. Burns, walking by, notices the damaged wall.]'' |
| + | {{qf|Mr. Burns}} Who did this to my wall? | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} ''[points at Grimes]'' He did. | ||
| + | {{qf|Mr. Burns}} Is this true? | ||
| + | {{qf|Grimes}} Well, uh, technically it is true, sir, but... | ||
| + | {{qf|Mr. Burns}} ''[coldly]'' Come with me. | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} ''[whispering to Grimes]'' He likes you. | ||
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| − | + | {{qf|Moe}} As hard as it is to believe, some people don't care for me, neither. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} ''[shakes head]'' No, I won't accept that. | |
| − | ' | + | {{qf|Moe}} No, it's true. I got their names written down right here, in what I call my, uh, "enemies list". |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Barney]]}} ''[takes the list from Moe and reads it]'' {{Ch|Jane Fonda}}, [[Daniel Schorr]], [[Jack Anderson]]... Hey, this is [[Richard Nixon]]'s enemies list! You just crossed out his name and put yours. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Moe}} Oh, ''[writes down]'' Barney Gumble. | |
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| − | '' | + | {{qf|Grimes}} ''[points at Homer]'' That's the man who's in charge of our safety? It boggles the mind! |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Carl]]}} It's best not to think about it. | |
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| − | '' | + | {{qf|Mr. Burns}} Smithers, I've just seen the most heroic dog on television. He pulled a toddler from the path of a speeding car, then pushed a criminal in front of it. Find this dog. I want to make him my executive vice president. |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Smithers]]}} Uh, yes sir. In the meantime, here's Frank Grimes. (Grimes offers his hand, but Mr. Burns just stares at him blankly) The, the self-made man? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Mr. Burns}} What? Oh, yes, that fellow. Mmmm, put him somewhere out of the way, and find that dog! | |
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| − | ' | + | {{qf|Grimes}} Oh, that's my degree in nuclear physics. I'm sure you all have one. |
| − | + | {{qf|Lenny}} Oh yeah, Carl and I each have a masters. Of course, old Homer, he didn't need a degree. He just showed up the day they opened the plant. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} I didn't even know what a nuclear panner plant was. | |
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| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} (to Grimes, who's walking by) Hiya Stretch, what's the good word? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Grimes}} My name is Grimes, uh, Simpson, Frank Grimes. I took the trouble to learn your name, so the least you could do is learn mine. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Okay, Grimey. | |
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| − | + | {{qf|Grimes}} Simpson, you've got a 513. (Homer looks at his watch) No, a 513. In your procedures manual - a 513? (Homer looks at his watch again) Look at your control panel. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Oh, a five THIR-teen. I'll handle it. ( He calmly takes out a bucket of water and pours it on the console. Causing it to short out and silences the alarms) That got it. | |
| − | + | :''[Grimes looks on in horror.]'' | |
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| − | + | {{qf|Grimes}} ''[talking about Homer]'' God, he eats like a pig! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Lenny}} I dunno. Pigs tend to chew. I'd say he eats more like a duck. | |
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| − | '''Grimes''' | + | {{qf|Carl}} ''[to Grimes]'' You new? |
| − | + | {{qf|Grimes}} Yes. My name is Frank Grimes. | |
| − | '''Lenny''' | + | {{qf|Lenny}} I'm Lenny. This is Carl and Homer. I'm Lenny. |
| + | {{qf|Grimes}} How do you do? | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} ''[picks up one of Grimes' pencils, spilling the rest onto his desk]'' Wow, you've got pencils with your name on them—just like a pencil company executive. I'd give anything for one of these. | ||
| + | {{qf|Grimes}} ''[tugs the pencil back out of Homer's hand]'' Any office supply company can have them made up for you. | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Can I have this one? ''[tries to tug it back]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|Grimes}} No. | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Can ''[thinks]'' Lenny have it? ''[tries it again]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|Grimes}} No. | ||
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| − | + | {{qf|Grimes}} I'm sorry, isn't that... | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Yes, that's me, and the guy standing next to me is President [[Gerald Ford]]... And this is when I was on tour with the [[Smashing Pumpkins]]... Oh! And here's a picture of me in outer space. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Grimes}} You? Went into outer space? You? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Sure. You've never been? Would you like to see my Grammy award? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Grimes}} No! I wouldn't! | |
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| − | + | {{qf|Lisa}} Can I go downstairs and see what Dad's doing? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} I wouldn't bother him, honey. He's making some sort of model for a contest. He says it's really high-tech stuff that we wouldn't understand. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} ''[opens basement door]'' Marge, do we have any elbow macaroni and glue-on sparkles? | |
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| − | + | {{qf|[[Martin]]}} Behold, the power plant of the future, today! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Mr. Burns}} Yuck! Too cold and sterile. Where's the heart? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Martin}} But it really generates power. It's lighting this room right now. (turns a knob on his model, causing the auditorium lights to dim) | |
| − | + | {{qf|Mr. Burns}} You lose, get off my property! | |
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| − | + | :''[At the children's nuclear power plant contest.]'' | |
| − | + | {{qf|Mr. Burns}} (to Homer) Could you explain your model, young man? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Grimes}} ''[from audience]'' What's to explain? He's an idiot! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Lenny}} Pipe down! | |
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| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} ''[leaning out the window of his factory]'' Hey, Milhouse! You want a job in my factory? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Milhouse}} You don't a have a factory. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} Hey, I'm a busy man. You want a job or not? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Milhouse}} Okay! ''[runs up to join Bart]'' | |
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| − | + | {{qf|Grimes}} Can you believe that guy? He's in his office making a pathetic attempt to look professional. | |
| + | {{qf|Carl}} Hey, what do you got against Homer, anyway? | ||
| + | {{qf|Grimes}} Are you kidding? Does this whole plant have some disease where you can't see that he's an idiot? Look here. ''[points out a chart tacked to the bulletin board]'' Accidents have doubled every year since he became safety inspector, and, and meltdowns have tripled. Has he been fired? No. Has he been disciplined? No, no. | ||
| + | {{qf|Lenny}} Eh, everybody makes mistakes. That's why they put erasers on pencils. | ||
| + | {{qf|Carl}} Yeah, Homer's okay. Give him a break. | ||
| + | {{qf|Grimes}} No! Homer is not okay. And I want everyone in this plant to realize it. I would die a happy man if I could prove to you that Homer Simpson has the intelligence of a 6-year-old. | ||
| + | {{qf|Lenny}} ''[to Carl]'' So, how are you doing? | ||
| − | + | {{Season 8|Q}} | |
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| − | {{Season 8 Q}} | ||
Latest revision as of 21:08, August 9, 2026
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- Grimes: Oh, I, I can't stand it any longer. This whole plant is insane. Insane, I tell you! Daahh! Aaah! [runs out of the auditorium, and into an equipment room] I can be lazy too! [takes his tie off, and moons one of the technicians] Look at me, I am a worthless employee, just like Homer Simpson! Give me a promotion! [walks into the break room, and grabs two donuts from the box] Ooh, I eat like a slob, but nobody minds! [eats in an exaggeratedly slobbish fashion] [heads into a bathroom; from the bathroom] I'm peeing on the seat. Give me a raise! [emerges from the bathroom and waves his hands in Homer's face] Now I'm returning to work without washing my hands. But it doesn't matter, because I'm Homer Simpson! [runs to Homer's work station and spins around in the chair] I don't need to do my work, 'cause someone else will do it for me. D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! [slaps forehead on each "D'oh!"]
- Homer: Hey, you okay, Grimey?
- Grimes: I'm better than okay. I'm Homer Simpson.
- Homer: [chuckles] You wish.
- Grimes: [notices Mr. Burns has walked in] Oh, hi, Mr. Burns. I'm the worst worker in the world. Time to go home to my mansion and eat my lobster. [walks up to some dangerous-looking wires] What's this? [reads sign] "Extremely High Voltage." Well, I don't need safety gloves, because I'm Homer Simp-- [zaps]
- [Ralph submits a Malibu Stacy Dream House to the nuclear model contest.]
- Mr. Burns: Hot tub? Media room? It's supposed to be a power plant, not Aunt Beulah's Bordello!
- [At Grimes' funeral, Homer is sleeping.]
- Homer: Change the channel, Marge!
- [Everyone laughs.]
- Lenny: That's our Homer!
- Marge: Homer, why aren't you at work?
- Homer: The car won't start. I don't feel very good today. I am at work.
- Marge: You're afraid to go to work because Frank Grimes will be there, aren't you?
- Homer: That's crazy talk. You're crazy, Marge. Get off the road!
- [Bart notices that the factory has collapsed.]
- Bart: Ah, jeez. Milhouse, how could you let this happen? You were supposed to be the night watchman!
- Milhouse: I was watching. I saw the whole thing. First it started falling over, then it fell over.
- Bart: Wow. Wonder where all the rats are gonna go?
- [Dozens of rats run out from under the rubble and into Moe's Tavern.]
- Moe: Okay, everybody tuck your shirts into your socks!
- Grimes: God, I've had to work hard every day of my life and what do I have to show for it? This briefcase and this haircut! And what do you have to show for you lifetime of sloth and ignorance?
- Homer: What?
- Grimes: Everything! A dream house, two cars, a beautiful wife, a son who owns a factory, fancy clothes, and [sniffs] lobsters for dinner! And do you deserve any of it? No!
- Homer: [gasps] What are you saying?
- Frank Grimes: [scoffs] I'm saying you're what's wrong with America, Simpson. You coast through life, you do as little as possible and you leech off decent, hard-working people like me. Heh. If you lived in any other country in the world, you'd have starved to death long ago.
- Bart: He's got you there, Dad.
- Grimes: You're a fraud, a total fraud. [To Marge and the kids] It was nice meeting you.
- [Homer is about to unwittingly drink a beaker of sulfuric acid when Grimes smashes it out of his hand, causing it to dissolve a wall']
- Grimes: You idiot! You almost drank a beaker full of sulfuric acid!
- Homer: Acid, eh? Jeez, that would have been stupid! [laughs] Wow, would my face have been red! [laughs again]
- Grimes: Stop laughing, you imbecile!! Don't you realize how close you just came to killing yourself?!
- [Mr. Burns, walking by, notices the damaged wall.]
- Mr. Burns: Who did this to my wall?
- Homer: [points at Grimes] He did.
- Mr. Burns: Is this true?
- Grimes: Well, uh, technically it is true, sir, but...
- Mr. Burns: [coldly] Come with me.
- Homer: [whispering to Grimes] He likes you.
- Moe: As hard as it is to believe, some people don't care for me, neither.
- Homer: [shakes head] No, I won't accept that.
- Moe: No, it's true. I got their names written down right here, in what I call my, uh, "enemies list".
- Barney: [takes the list from Moe and reads it] Jane Fonda, Daniel Schorr, Jack Anderson... Hey, this is Richard Nixon's enemies list! You just crossed out his name and put yours.
- Moe: Oh, [writes down] Barney Gumble.
- Grimes: [points at Homer] That's the man who's in charge of our safety? It boggles the mind!
- Carl: It's best not to think about it.
- Mr. Burns: Smithers, I've just seen the most heroic dog on television. He pulled a toddler from the path of a speeding car, then pushed a criminal in front of it. Find this dog. I want to make him my executive vice president.
- Smithers: Uh, yes sir. In the meantime, here's Frank Grimes. (Grimes offers his hand, but Mr. Burns just stares at him blankly) The, the self-made man?
- Mr. Burns: What? Oh, yes, that fellow. Mmmm, put him somewhere out of the way, and find that dog!
- Grimes: Oh, that's my degree in nuclear physics. I'm sure you all have one.
- Lenny: Oh yeah, Carl and I each have a masters. Of course, old Homer, he didn't need a degree. He just showed up the day they opened the plant.
- Homer: I didn't even know what a nuclear panner plant was.
- Homer: (to Grimes, who's walking by) Hiya Stretch, what's the good word?
- Grimes: My name is Grimes, uh, Simpson, Frank Grimes. I took the trouble to learn your name, so the least you could do is learn mine.
- Homer: Okay, Grimey.
- Grimes: Simpson, you've got a 513. (Homer looks at his watch) No, a 513. In your procedures manual - a 513? (Homer looks at his watch again) Look at your control panel.
- Homer: Oh, a five THIR-teen. I'll handle it. ( He calmly takes out a bucket of water and pours it on the console. Causing it to short out and silences the alarms) That got it.
- [Grimes looks on in horror.]
- Grimes: [talking about Homer] God, he eats like a pig!
- Lenny: I dunno. Pigs tend to chew. I'd say he eats more like a duck.
- Carl: [to Grimes] You new?
- Grimes: Yes. My name is Frank Grimes.
- Lenny: I'm Lenny. This is Carl and Homer. I'm Lenny.
- Grimes: How do you do?
- Homer: [picks up one of Grimes' pencils, spilling the rest onto his desk] Wow, you've got pencils with your name on them—just like a pencil company executive. I'd give anything for one of these.
- Grimes: [tugs the pencil back out of Homer's hand] Any office supply company can have them made up for you.
- Homer: Can I have this one? [tries to tug it back]
- Grimes: No.
- Homer: Can [thinks] Lenny have it? [tries it again]
- Grimes: No.
- Grimes: I'm sorry, isn't that...
- Homer: Yes, that's me, and the guy standing next to me is President Gerald Ford... And this is when I was on tour with the Smashing Pumpkins... Oh! And here's a picture of me in outer space.
- Grimes: You? Went into outer space? You?
- Homer: Sure. You've never been? Would you like to see my Grammy award?
- Grimes: No! I wouldn't!
- Lisa: Can I go downstairs and see what Dad's doing?
- Marge: I wouldn't bother him, honey. He's making some sort of model for a contest. He says it's really high-tech stuff that we wouldn't understand.
- Homer: [opens basement door] Marge, do we have any elbow macaroni and glue-on sparkles?
- Martin: Behold, the power plant of the future, today!
- Mr. Burns: Yuck! Too cold and sterile. Where's the heart?
- Martin: But it really generates power. It's lighting this room right now. (turns a knob on his model, causing the auditorium lights to dim)
- Mr. Burns: You lose, get off my property!
- [At the children's nuclear power plant contest.]
- Mr. Burns: (to Homer) Could you explain your model, young man?
- Grimes: [from audience] What's to explain? He's an idiot!
- Lenny: Pipe down!
- Bart: [leaning out the window of his factory] Hey, Milhouse! You want a job in my factory?
- Milhouse: You don't a have a factory.
- Bart: Hey, I'm a busy man. You want a job or not?
- Milhouse: Okay! [runs up to join Bart]
- Grimes: Can you believe that guy? He's in his office making a pathetic attempt to look professional.
- Carl: Hey, what do you got against Homer, anyway?
- Grimes: Are you kidding? Does this whole plant have some disease where you can't see that he's an idiot? Look here. [points out a chart tacked to the bulletin board] Accidents have doubled every year since he became safety inspector, and, and meltdowns have tripled. Has he been fired? No. Has he been disciplined? No, no.
- Lenny: Eh, everybody makes mistakes. That's why they put erasers on pencils.
- Carl: Yeah, Homer's okay. Give him a break.
- Grimes: No! Homer is not okay. And I want everyone in this plant to realize it. I would die a happy man if I could prove to you that Homer Simpson has the intelligence of a 6-year-old.
- Lenny: [to Carl] So, how are you doing?
