Difference between revisions of "Cranberry Calamity"

Latest revision as of 15:17, March 19, 2025

Cranberry Calamity is an event-exclusive questline in The Simpsons: Tapped Out. It was introduced in the Blargsgiving content update.

Dialogue[edit]

Pt. 1[edit]

After completing You Don't Make Friends With (Fruit) Salad Of course I can't find a parking space! This place is the worst. And why is everyone so happy here? Don't these people know they're buying health food?! Focus, Homer. We've got a job to do. And by God we're gonna do it! Eegh. What is this stuff? Swapper O's? Swapper Jack's Okra Chips? Just my luck. Even this place doesn't have any cranberry sauce. *sigh* I guess I'll go tell the family Thanksgiving is cancelled this year. *psst* You there. Yeah, you in the tight-fitting mustard-stained shirt. Hey, at least I'm not ten feet tall with three legs. Oh my God, you're an alien! I always knew there was something fishy about Swapper Jack's! I've travelled back through time and space to experience a traditional Earth Thanksgiving. It's the holiday that will one day inspire Blargsgiving on our planet. Wait a minute...you speak English? No, I'm mind-melding into your brain. It's much more efficient. Now, did I hear you say you were looking for cranberry sauce? You have some?! Not here. Meet me out back in fifteen Earth minutes. Fifteen Earth minutes? How long is that in my time? Fifteen minutes. You could have just said that. Task: "Collect Cranberry Sauce Cans" (x155). If Blarg Alien is owned: Task: "Make Blarg Alien Meet Homer". The job takes place at a Kwik-E-Mart, Springfield Grocery Store, CostMo, Try-N-Save, Quick & Fresh, Sconewall Bakery, or a Brown House and takes 4 hours. Task: "Make Homer Go Around Back". The job takes place at a Kwik-E-Mart, Springfield Grocery Store, CostMo, Try-N-Save, Quick & Fresh, Sconewall Bakery, or a Brown House and takes 4 hours. I have a gift for you, Deluxe Earthling. This is a "special" cranberry sauce from my future world. Looks pretty good... But there's so little of it. Maybe now, but this sauce will replicate whenever it's fed bones. That means you can have as much cranberry sauce as you like. But heed this warning. NEVER feed it any bones from living creatures. Only bones that are long dead. Do you understand what I have told you? Gimme the sauce, gimme the sauce! I'll take that as a yes. Quest reward: 100 and 10 Swapper Jack's

Pt. 2[edit]

After completing Pt. 1 So, definitely not enough cranberry sauce for Thanksgiving dinner. But that alien in the alley said I just need to feed it bones and it'll replicate. And when have I ever been known to ignore life advice acquired in an alley? Greetings, Homer. I didn't know you were a patron of "the Swapper". Wow, look at the size of that bone in your hair! Hey, Mel, I'll give you fifty bucks for that thing. I beg your pardon? This bone is one hundred percent authentic Albino Chupacabra. And I should say is worth a fair bit more than fifty dollars. Sixty. Deal! You just paid for my entire "Swapping" excursion. Toodles! Okay, crazy alien sauce, time to do your stuff! Task: "Collect Cranberry Sauce Cans" (x115). Task: "Make Homer Feed Mel's Bone to the Sauce". The job takes place at Swapper Jack's or a Brown House and takes 4 hours. Look at all this cranberry sauce! This'll feed everyone! Or at least me. But...what if my family eats all this delicious sauce... There'd be none for leftovers tomorrow. I know! I'll go dig up graves at Springfield Cemetery and use those bones! It's the only logical next step. Quest reward: 100 and 10 Time Travel Delivery Service

Pt. 3[edit]

After completing Pt. 2 Um, Homer? Why are you covered in grave dirt? And what's this giant bog of cranberry sauce doing in the garage? What, this? This has been here forever. You're really losin' it, Marge. Mmm-hmm. Well, go get cleaned up. My sisters just got here. Really? Hey Patty and Selma! Come out to the garage! I did something you'll want to belittle me for! Oh, this'll be good. C'mon, Selma. It sounds like Christmas came a little early this year. Come on in, ladies. I hope you've been drinking your milk. Always want to keep those bones strong, am I right? Task: "Collect Cranberry Sauce Cans" (x195). Task: "Make Homer Feed Patty and Selma to the Sauce". The job takes place at the Simpson House or a Brown House and takes 4 hours. If Patty is owned: Task: "Make Patty Tell Homer He's Fat as She's Being Eaten". The job takes place at the Simpson House or a Brown House and takes 4 hours. If Selma is owned: Task: "Make Selma Tell Homer He's Useless as She's Being Eaten". The job takes place at the Simpson House or a Brown House and takes 4 hours. *growling noises* I heard a scream! What happened? Ahhhh! What the heck is that? *raaaaawr* It looks like even the cranberry sauce gets irritated by your sisters! Run for it! Quest reward: 100 and 10 Jelly Monster

Pt. 4[edit]

After completing Pt. 3 We interrupt your regularly scheduled program for this breaking news. A tornado is currently ripping through Springfield! Wait, sorry. Our cue card guy has gotten the pre-written disaster cards mixed up. Just a minute while he gets it sorted. We interrupt your regularly scheduled program for this breaking news. Springfield is under attack by a giant jelly monster! That's the last time I mind-meld with a space alien. Space alien?! Yeah, you know. The alien who gave me the living space cranberry sauce that turned into that jelly monster when I fed it your aunts? Oh, THAT alien. In his defense, he DID say not to feed it the bones of the living. So that's on me. Hmm. So this jelly monster feeds off the bones of the living... I'll need to call for some backup to figure out how to stop this thing from destroying the town. Okay but hurry up. Dinner is still at four. Task: "Collect Cranberry Sauce Cans" (x110). Task: "Make Lisa Call Martin for Help". The job takes place at the Simpson House or a Brown House and takes 4 hours. If Martin is owned: Task: "Make Martin Come to the Rescue". The job takes place at the Simpson House or a Brown House and takes 4 hours. So we know the jelly monster grows whenever it's fed bones. My God. It's the perfect organism! Uh, I guess? But how do we stop it? I believe I've deduced the best course of action. Follow me! *voluntarily sacrifices himself to the jelly monster* What are you doing?! I giveth my body to become one with perfection! *eats Martin's bones* Don't really see why he had to get naked first, but okay... Quest reward: 100 and 10 Giant Jelly Can

Pt. 5[edit]

After completing Pt. 4 Well Dad, there's no stopping the jelly monster. It even erected a giant metal can for itself in the town square! Of all the ways I could die, I never thought it would be food that did me in. Look, there's a spaceship landing! Relax, Earthlings. That is merely the spacetime vessel of my fellow Blargonians, here to retrieve me and the one you call "Jelly Monster." I was sent ahead to prepare "The Great Jelly." Though I can't take all the credit, as it was your father who turned it into its fully sentient form. "The Great Jelly"? That thing just wrecked half the town and ate my aunts and my friend from school! Yes, in retrospect, I can see how that might be received as... not "great." I could do a simple re-boning on your aunts and friend if you like. Just the friend will be fine. Actually, wait, Lisa, which friend is it? Task: "Collect Cranberry Sauce Cans" (x185). If Blarg Alien is owned: Task: "Make Blarg Alien Put Everyone's Bones Back". The job takes place at the Simpson House or a Brown House and takes 4 hours. Task: "Make Lisa Be Grossed Out by the Re-boning". The job takes place at the Simpson House or a Brown House and takes 4 hours. Task: "Make Homer Nearly Faint Watching the Re-boning". The job takes place at the Simpson House or a Brown House and takes 4 hours. If Martin is owned: Task: "Make Martin Lose "One With Perfection" Status". The job takes place at the Simpson House or a Brown House and takes 4 hours. There we are. Re-boned and good as new. What happened? I'm back? Am I still one with perfection? Everything is back to the way it was. As my people say, no harm, no foul. Other than the millions of dollars of property damage? Yes, specifically excluding that. Quest reward: 100 and 10 Humanity's Hope

Currency-earning jobs[edit]

Task Character(s) Time Location(s) Reward Dent Cranberry Sauce Cans for Discount Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa, Grampa, Milhouse, Martin, Wiggum 4h Kwik-E-Mart, Springfield Grocery Store, CostMo, Try-N-Save, Quick & Fresh, Sconewall Bakery, Brown House 5, 45 Summon Self-replicating Cranberry Sauce Blarg Alien 8, 70