Difference between revisions of "Prince and The Premise"

Revision as of 10:16, June 2, 2024

Prince and The Premise is an event-exclusive questline in The Simpsons: Tapped Out. It was introduced in the Clash of Clones content update.

Dialogue

Pt. 1

After starting the update New Character: Barbarian GRUNT! GRUNT! GRUNT! Loot! Pillage! Burn! Take! Abscond! Steal! Scream synonyms! Hey there yella fella, why are you giving an extra helping of beat down to my blue bottles? Me am barbarian. Must pillage and destroy! You're not from around here, are you Mr. Barbarian? Barbarian am from another land! Tell me about the far-away place! It am land where violence rules! Where me drink from skull of enemy! Where me poop through butt of enemy! That's a little too much TMI! Well, sir, since you've got an appetite for destruction, instead of axing my rose bushes, why not Slash this house next door? Barbarian appreciate your Guns 'N' Roses references. Barbarian will pillage 742 Evergreen Terrace! Task: "Make Barbarian Attack the Simpson House". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 60 minutes. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 2

After tapping on the Barbarian's exclamation mark Smash! Loot! Pillage! Wreck! What gives? That's my house you're smashing. GRUNT! GRUNT! GRUNT! Chief Wiggum, I need you to physically subdue this axe-wielding muscular giant who clearly is a master of hand-to-hand combat! Sorry Simpson, that's a big no can do. In that there's no possible way I can do it, thus the term, “no can do.” GRUNT! GRUNT! GRUNT! Come on Grunty, knock it off. That's my house -- where I eat and sleep and look at magazines and stuff. GRUNT! GRUNT! GRUNT! The pillaging, I get. Who wouldn't want all my awesome stuff? Like my extra-thick TV, my dozens of hidden mini-fridges, and all those magazines I mentioned earlier. GRUNT! GRUNT! GRUNT! But hear me out -- you are in serious danger of over-pillaging. GRUNT? GRUNT? GRUNT? That's right, over-pillaging. You pillage all this fantastic stuff, but you have nowhere to put it. Then it gets rained on, and the ants get into it, and it's Hibbert's shed all over again. Everything's ruined and you wasted all that great pillaging. GRUNT! GRUNT! GRUNT! What you need is a place to keep all the great stuff you pillaged. Grunt, grunt… storage locker? No, those storage places always rip you off. What you need is a castle! Grunt, grunt, GRUNT! Task: "Build the Barbarian Castle". It takes 16 hours. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 3

After tapping on the Barbarian's exclamation mark Grunt, grunt, grunt? What's wrong, barbarian buddy? Barbarian need fighters to pillage for Barbarian! Oh, I get it. Someone to do the dirty work for you. They do all the getting killed, you get all the mini-fridges. Grunt, grunt, exactly. Well, this town isn't exactly full of big muscle-y ass-whompers like yourself. But it is full of… nerds! Grunt, grunt, nerds? A whole bunch of medieval dorks are always playing with fake swords in the park. I bet they'd love to go raiding with a real disemboweling skull-drinker like yourself. The only problem is… those nerds wouldn't stand a chance. They'd be totally slaughtered. Barbarian would never send nerds to pointless deaths. ... ... Grunt, grunt, KIDDING! You had me there for a sec. You totally had me. Message Here are 10 free nerds to follow your every command. Send them to attack other towns. Just don't get too attached to them! *evil laugh* Task: "Attack Another Springfield". I must say Mr. Barbarian, you’re doing a wonderful service for these young gentlemen. Huh? I’m told you’re planning a vigorous exercise program. No. Me send them to deaths. More than they deserve. But aren't they doing you a favor by retrieving valuable items for you? Raid takes time. Attack with more nerds destroy building faster. When more nerds attack, is harder to defend. More dead nerds equals more good for me. Um… did you just say…? DEAD NERDS EQUALS MORE GOOD FOR ME!!! I need a bag of salted cashews. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 4

After tapping on Homer's exclamation mark Excuse me, Homer. A tiny favor… What are you doing here? I don't come to where you work and ask you for things. You come to the church every Sunday and pray for a new car. Nice, I see what you did there. Classic reversal. Although, to be fair, it was a pretty solid set up on my part. You've got to talk to your barbarian friend. He and his gang of nerds have been looting and pillaging all over town. They stole Patty and Selma's menopause medication. Those two without their woman hormones? That oughta be good for a larf! The horde destroyed Chester's shed -- he was finally this close to finishing it. Poor old Chester, always good for a larf. The barbarians and nerds savagely beat the Yes-Man, leaving him with permanent brain damage. Trust me, with that guy there wasn't much brain left to damage. Savage beatings, always good for a larf. You've got to do something! But all the stuff you're saying is good for a larf! Why would I want to stop larfs? Then I guess you wouldn't care that the Barbarian stole Ned Flanders' wet-dry vac. That's not good for a larf! Hey, you, helmet head! There's only one person who steals from Ned Flanders in this town -- and that's me! Grunt, grunt, you've got to be kidding. Give Flanders back his wet-dry vac -- or else! But wet-dry vac am good for cleaning up blood AND guts. Put the wet-dry vac back! Grunt, grunt, what if I don't? Then grunt grunt I kick your grunt! Task: "Make Homer Attack Barbarian". The job takes place at the Barbarian Castle and takes 6 seconds. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 5

After tapping on Barbarian's exclamation mark Task: "Make Barbarian Chase Homer with an Axe". The job takes 2 hours. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 6

After completing Pt. 5 Well, you chased me for 2 hours, and you finally caught me. You better runner than I thought. Well, I guess it's time for you to chop off my head. Soon me drink from your skull! Drink, eh? Say Barbie, before you decapitate me, scrape all the flesh off my head, boil the bones to a nice chalky-white, then seal up all the little head holes to keep the liquid from leaking… what say I buy you a beer? GRUNT, GRUNT, THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING 'BOUT!!! If Moe's Tavern is owned: Task: "Make Homer Drink at Moe's". The job takes place at Moe's Tavern and takes 8 hours. Task: "Make Barbarian Drink at Moe's". The job takes place at Moe's Tavern and takes 8 hours. If Moe's Tavern is not owned: Task: "Make Homer Drink with Barbarian". The job takes place at the Barbarian Castle and takes 8 hours. Task: "Make Barbarian Drink with Homer". The job takes place at the Barbarian Castle and takes 8 hours. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 7

After tapping on Homer's exclamation mark Have to admit, beer from mug better than beer from skull. Skull beer always taste like old head meat. Even if you boil the skull for a long time? No matter how long me boil skull, still am taste hint of brain. You're just full of interesting trivia. Which Springfield are you from? Am not from Springfield. Am from… other game. So we just admit now that we know we live in a game? No more pretense? Why lie to selves? Is insult to players' intelligence. Yeah, okay. That makes things easier. So, tell me about the game you come from. Is called “Clash of Castles.” Barbarians attack other towns, destroy everything, kill everyone, and pillage gold and elixir. So that explains the pillaging. Is all me know. Your Clash of Castles game sounds awesome. I have to admit, I'm getting a little bored of my game. It's pretty vanilla. Everything's so wussy here. “Valentine's Day Hearts”? “Friendship Points?” And don't get me started on those (EXPLETIVE DELETED) Easter fences!!! Your game sounds a million times better than my game! And so much more addicting. Like I'd totally ignore my town to play in your world. Yeah, me guess it's okay… What's the income tax rate on pillaging? Zero. Federal and state? Us drink from skull of tax collector so yeah. Nice games are so boring! Rated “E” for Everybody -- more like “L” for Lamewads Losers and Larrys! Larry is this guy who used to really annoy everyone. He wore huge t-shirts that looked like dresses. Him sound like wiener. I never get to kill anyone! Not even a Squeaky Voice Teen or a Wise Guy! Killing am big rush, no lie. 20 more beers over here, Moe! If Moe's Tavern is owned: Task: "Make Homer Drink 10 More Beers". The job takes place at Moe's Tavern and takes 60 minutes. Task: "Make Barbarian Drink 10 More Beers". The job takes place at Moe's Tavern and takes 60 minutes. If Moe's Tavern is not owned: Task: "Make Homer Drink 10 More Beers". The job takes place at the Barbarian Castle and takes 60 minutes. Task: "Make Barbarian Drink 10 More Beers". The job takes place at the Barbarian Castle and takes 60 minutes. Can me tell you something? Anything, pal. Me am jealous -- of you! *spit-take* Me tired of kill kill kill, pillage pillage pillage, grunt grunt grunt. Sometimes, me just want put feet by fire and drink from skull of enemy with someone me love. Me want do Sunday crossword puzzle in bed then go to brunch, not slaughter castle full of archers and wizards. See, I would love to bathe in wizard blood. Me would love stay home watch “The Bachelor” eating low calorie popcorn. I guess each of us would love to have the other guy's life. Yes, that am situation. Hey guys, did you know that when the Barbarian here takes off his helmet, he looks just like Homer. OMG -- Oh my God! It's true! OMC -- Oh my Crom! Us am twins! You guys should switch places and live each other's lives, just like that classic piece of literature: “Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties”. Switch places? That sounds hacky. No, no it's cool. The same happened to Bart in one of the episodes of the TV show this whole thing is based on. Us game not based on TV show. Am original IP. Must be nice. So it's agreed, I'll live the life of a Barbarian, and you'll live the life of a family man! Me still think this am hacky, but am worth it. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 8

After tapping on Homer's exclamation mark To be me, all you have to do is shave that mustache. You must turn all that fat to muscle. Task: "Collect Gold" (x200). Task: "Make Homer Bulk Up". The job takes place at a Krusty Burger and takes 4 hours. Task: "Make Barbarian Get a Haircut". The job takes place at Jake's Unisex Hair Palace or the Barbarian Castle and takes 4 hours. Task: "Make Homer and Barbarian Switch Places". The job takes place at the Barbarian Castle and takes 45 seconds. Upon sending Homer to "Bulk Up" Oh no you don't, sky finger. No way. Not working out. Uh-uh. There's got to be another way to bulk me up. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 9

After tapping on Homer Barbarian's exclamation mark Greetings ugly boy! Huh? Me am your father. Bow before father! Guh? Show respect for father's prowess with axe and skill in battle… I mean, parenting. Dad, what's wrong with you? You seem… intense. And your speech is much more halting than usual. Bow before father or me crush your neck! Okay, that's more like it. Task: "Make Homer Barbarian Pretend to Be a Sitcom Dad". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 8 hours. Boy whelp think me am Homer, but girl whelp am clever. What father do to win affection of girl? Me know! Me give her life lessons in backbreaking labor. Child! I command you to build a castle. A castle? I suppose this could be a good exercise in medieval construction. Can I use eco-friendly materials? Ask mother. Being father am easy. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 10

After tapping on Homer Barbarian's exclamation mark Boy want sharpen father's axe with father? I don't feel like it… Something bothering boy? This bully at school, he took my Krusty doll. Bully steal from son of… what my name again? Homer Simpson. Bully steal from son of Homer Simpson?! Homer Simpson cleave bully in twain! Sweet. Task: "Reach Level 9 Build Springfield Elementary". Task: "Make Homer Barbarian Chase Bully with an Axe". The job requires Nelson and takes 4 hours. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 11

After tapping on Homer Barbarian's exclamation mark Sniffle… Daughter! Roast me a boar! Sniff… sob… Make sure save boar brains. Mmm… boar brains. Oh, Dad! My saxophone recital is tonight and no one's coming! I've been practicing so much! *saxophoning* That sound like death-keening of a wounded frost giant! Am… beautiful. Really? Me find people and make them go to music show… or me cleave them in twain! I love you Dad! Task: "Make Lisa Play in the Recital". The job takes place at Springfield Elementary and takes 12 hours. Task: "Make Homer Barbarian Make Springfielders Attend the Recital". The job takes 12 hours. Task: "Make Springfielders Attend the Recital Under Threat of Death" (x10). The job takes place at Springfield Elementary and takes 12 hours. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Characters that can do the "Attend the Recital Under Threat of Death" task are:

Pt. 12

After tapping on Homer Barbarian's exclamation mark Where am wife! Homer Simpson need woman to rub feet and pick bugs from hair and pick bugs from feet! Dad, because Mom is a high level character, we have to wait a while before she appears. It makes things easier for the new players. NOOOOOBS! Task: "Make Homer Barbarian Express Rage Against Noobs". The job takes 12 hours. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 13

After tapping on Barbarian Homer's exclamation mark I been drinking too much of that purple stuff. I gotta take a break, get clean… I wonder what my family's up to. Family, I'm home! What you doing here? Two fake Homers? How am I supposed to know which is the real fake Homer? Hey, that's my wife's pork chops you're eating! So? Your wife's pork chops am delicious. Thank you. I think. The pork chops were never part of the deal. What you talking about? Us switch lives! That am premise! HACKY PREMISE! So what if it's hacky? Fake Dad chased a bully with an axe for me! He made everyone go to my sax recital! Homer Barbarian is a good man. He makes the bed every morning. You make the bed? What kind of man makes the bed? Grunt grunt me equal part of nurturing family equation as Marge. No man comes to my house, is a better dad to my kids, and is better at pretending to go along with parenting gibberish than me! GRRRRRRRRRRR!!! Task: "Make Barbarian Homer Attack the Simpson House". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 60 minutes. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 14

After tapping on Barbarian Homer's exclamation mark Dad, you're destroying your own house. And I'm gonna keep on destroying it until he comes out and fights me. Grunt grunt fight? No, no fight. Me no longer solve problems with axe. Me solve problems with talk, and text. Me metrosexual now. Me groom facial hair. Me watch “The Good Wife”. Me eat house-made pickles at gastropub. So you don't believe in fighting any more? Me into yoga now. Grunt, grunt, namaste. Eat axe handle, stupid! Grunt, grunt, *passing-out noise* Task: "Make Homer Hide Unconscious Barbarian In Brown House". The job takes place at a Brown House and takes 4 hours. Finally, the brown house makes itself useful. A great place to hide an unconscious loser who looks just like you. See kids, I'm a better dad then that Barbarian ever was. But the Barbarian gave us castles. No, he made you make your own castles. That's true. He made us work hard for a feeling of accomplishment. Weak. Whereas I just gave you the cool new costumes, or “skins” to win your love. Yeah, getting free stuff is way better than working. How is that a good lesson? That's my boy! HOW IS THAT A GOOD LESSON? THAT'S MY BOY! Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 15

After tapping on Barbarian Homer's exclamation mark I miss old fake dad. He had the best stories about bathing in the blood of his enemies, and scrubbing himself with their ripped-out tongues. He loved my music. He said it reminded him of when he would throw sick old bears into the bonfire and burn them alive. What are you kids complaining about? You got your real old man back! Great. Super. I'm not just your dad anymore. I'm a leveled-up version of your dad -- with a leveled-up castle. Big deal. I hope your castle is better than your pathetic Prince & the Pauper premise. Yeah, I hope your castle is more skillfully constructed together than that awful premise. Oh children… Why are they so stupid? My castle is great because of UPGRADES. Let me explain… When you make the thing you already have a little bit better, that's an upgrade. So it's something you already have… But a little bit better. Now you're getting it… IT'S A TINY IMPROVEMENT, A MARKED DIFFERENCE, IT'S A SHINIER BELT, OR A PRETTIER FENCE! Are you singing? AN UPGRADE TAKES YOUR PLUS ONE SWORD AND MAKES IT PLUS TWO AN UPGRADE TRANSFORMS YOUR MAGIC CLOAK FROM LIGHT TO DARKER BLUE He is singing. But, this game doesn't have music. UPGRADES ARE THE LITTLE BOOSTS THAT GIVE YOUR LIFE NEW MEANING THE SLIGHTLY BETTER VERSIONS THAT WILL GIVE YOUR LIFE NEW MEANING He just rhymed “new meaning” with “new meaning.” SO IF YOU'RE FEELING BORED AND SAD YOUR GAME HAS PETERED OUT UPGRADE ALL THE STUFF YOU HAVE AND THEN YOU'LL SCREAM AND SHOUT -- FOR UPGRADES!!! Wow. Way to string it out, bone-head dad - everyone knows about upgrades! Maybe if you’d laid off that purple juice a little, you’d have noticed that Lisa and I also have our own castles and outfits and… UPGRADES! Task: "Build Castle Recycle". Task: "Upgrade Archer Lisa to Level 4". Task: "Build Boxingham Palace". Task: "Upgrade Goblin Bart to Level 3". But Dad's lame song is right! Upgrades are amazing! Even though my castle is almost exactly the same, an upgrade makes it feel like I've got a whole new castle! I love you upgrades! If ever I deserved a swig of non-addictive purple goo, it's now Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 16

After tapping on Barbarian Homer's exclamation mark I don't like you looting other peoples towns. People worked hard on those. Think of all the grinding they did. Well, it's not me who looted them I'm actually a Barbarian from another game pretending to be your husband cause we look the same, you know, like in “Double, Double, Boy in Trouble.” I never saw that episode. It was a Prince & the Pauper thing. Oh how embarrassing. Me Barbarian. Me not Homer. Me from number one grossing game iTunes charts, not… number 12. Homie I know it's you. Task: "Make Homer Pose as the Barbarian Posing as Homer". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 12 hours. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 17

After tapping on Barbarian Homer's exclamation mark Marge, where were you? We haven't done a mission together in forever! You know we have to wait until later in the “Clash of Clones” event to give the new players time to catch up. NOOOOOOOBS!!! Task: "Make Barbarian Homer Express Rage Against Noobs". The job takes 12 hours. I'm still not so thrilled with all the raiding and pillaging and destroying you've been doing. Admit it, I've never brought home as much solid gold coins as I am now. I can't enjoy those coins knowing that they're the fruit of human suffering. Mmm… suffering fruit. And what's this purple stuff you've been guzzling? Is it… sizzurp? No. It's not drank. It's wine. A wine that makes you feel better than any wine in the world. And it's not in any way addictive. You're drinking it right now. *burp* I want you to quit drinking elixir. Quit drinking elixir? I'd sooner give up drinking non-addictive wine! Well don't come home until you do! When Marge sees how awesome I upgrade myself, you won't be complaining about elixir. What's an upgrade? IT'S A TINY IMPROVEMENT, A MARKED DIFFERENCE, IT'S A SHINIER BELT, OR A PRETTIER FENCE! Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 18

After tapping on Barbarian Homer's exclamation mark My last upgrade was so cool -- I got slightly longer boot laces. My upgrade rocked! My attacks got 5 percent stronger! Too bad my enemies' defenses got 5 percent stronger at the exact same time. Oh well! Have you seen the new fringes on my magic cloak -- the threads are now imperceptibly silverier! UPGRADE! UPGRADE! UPGRADE! Wow, the awesome power of upgrades has brought us together as a family. No one even cares that my Elixir consumption has also been… upgraded. I NEED IT!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Man, it's been a whole day since my last upgrade. Me too! I gotta change my life by making my clothes imperceptibly different! Keep raiding, children. Keep raiding. I don't feel so good. Task: "Upgrade Barbarian Castle to Level 10". Task: "Upgrade Castle Recycle to Level 8". Task: "Upgrade Boxingham Palace to Level 7". Task: "Upgrade Archer Lisa to Level 7". Task: "Upgrade Goblin Bart to Level 5". Task: "Upgrade Wizard Marge to Level 3". Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 19

After tapping on Goblin Bart's exclamation mark Upgrades, upgrades… need more gold for more upgrades… to get more gold… to get more upgrades… Each upgrade seems further from the last… My cloak. I need silver-ier threads for my cloak. Purple… purple… purple… What's happened to us. We're a mess. I know what we need to make us feel better. Just one more upgrade. Do my cloak threads seem silver-ier to you? DOES IT??? Purple… Dad… what happens to all those people we send to go raiding for us? Purple… dead… dead nerds… purple. But what if we win the battle? Then they're okay, right? Doesn't matter. Purple. Still dead. Purple. Oh no… we've become monsters. Our humanity is gone. Completely lost. Purple! Wait! I figured it out. Upgrades equals gold equals upgrades equals gold equals… upgrades! Purple purple purple purple purple… I'm going for a walk. Task: "Make Archer Lisa Think About the Impacts of Raiding". The job takes place at Castle Recycle and takes 8 hours. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 20

After tapping on Archer Lisa's exclamation mark It's all so clear to me now. These so-called strategy games are a scam. You raid and you raid, you think you're getting stronger, but your enemies are getting stronger too. And the more you play, the longer it takes to get upgrades. Until you have no choice but to use… Premium currency. Mr. Burns! What are you doing? Saving you -- from yourself. I think I can save myself from myself. Too late I already did. Task: "Make Mr. Burns Blow Lisa's Mind". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 24 hours. The gold in these games is worthless. Elixir, it's just corn syrup and codeine. The game gives you them for free to get you to cough up for premium currency. It's, it's all a trick to give us the illusion of accomplishment. But all they want is money. When we can't feel anything anymore, and we have no choice, we have to pay. Think about it. For $60 you can buy a fantastic console game with a hundred million dollar budget… … that geniuses and artists have worked for years to perfect, giving you hours upon hours of satisfying gameplay. But these so-called freemium strategy games offer you pared-down simplistic gameplay… … but because you're so hooked on upgrades, you end up spending hundreds of dollars on premium currency to just get back to normal. It's the ultimate scam. I wish I'd thought of it. So what do I do? You steal the thing that they never thought you'd steal -- the premium currency itself. You mean -- raid for… donuts? That's right. But… people pay for those with actual money. You can't raid for that. It's not right. “Not right?” This game has sent countless innocent nerds to agonizing deaths. Your father is addicted to super-addictive Elixir. And the game turned your family into upgrade-starved wraiths. Is that “right?” I don't know anything anymore… Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 21

After tapping on Wizard Marge's exclamation mark Where were you Lisa? Purple purple purple purple? We were worried you wouldn't be able to help us get that next upgrade. We have to quit this raiding! We must cast aside the skins of inter-game strategy, and return to our old lives of cute meaningless missions. I don't think I can. Never! PURPLE! Oh, I suppose you would prefer Mr. Burns' plan, and break the most sacred rule of app-based gaming -- and steal the premium currency itself! I sure would. Me too. … uh-huh. We need to break the meaningless cycle of attacking. It just goes on forever, but nothing really changes. You wouldn't say that if you had the jeweled slippers upgrade. No one with the jeweled slippers would ever say that. Task: "Make the Simpsons Steal Premium Currency" (x4). The jobs take place at the Barbarian Castle and take 24 hours. We did it! The big score! I've got so many donuts! I'm going to buy Kang Topiary -- I've earned it. I know we've suffered at the hands of our silicon valley puppet masters. But I still don't think this was a good idea. SIMPSON FAMILY. Who is that? Who's talking to us? I AM THE SPIRIT OF FREEMIUM GAMING GIVEN VOICE. YOU HAVE VIOLATED THE PRIME DIRECTIVE OF FREEMIUM GAMING. We just did to other players what you do to them every day. YES, EXACTLY. ONLY WE MAY RIP PEOPLE OFF. NOW RETURN THE DONUTS. We raided those premium donuts fair and square as far as you know. Don't blame us if our upgrades are so awesome we can steal whatever we want whenever we want. I'm the most upgraded lady wizard -- I mean wizard -- this game has ever seen. What game are we even talking about anymore? Listen up you mysterious voice thing somehow speaking for an entire subcategory of tablet and phone-based gaming! Now that we have a taste of the good stuff – premium C, we can't go back to “gold”. With cash-based donuts we'll finally be living the way we deserve. In the now! No more grinding and waiting and grinding and waiting. … and when the days are finally up convincing yourself it was worth it. RETURN THAT WHICH YOU HAVE STOLEN. No way! We're not scared of you! Why don't you return what you've stolen from all the players of these games around the world! And by stolen we mean “an agreed upon exchange of goods and services.” THERE IS ONE CURRENCY MORE VALUABLE THAN DONUTS. Jewels? NO. THE MOST VALUABLE CURRENCY IS… TIME. EVERYONE HAS THE SAME AMOUNT OF TIME. EVERYONE IS ALWAYS SPENDING TIME AT THE SAME RATE. ONCE TIME IS SPENT IT IS GONE FOREVER. YET MANY PEOPLE GET NO VALUE FROM IT AT ALL. IS IT REALLY A GOOD USE OF YOUR “LIFE CURRENCY” TO GRIND AND GRIND AWAY AT THESE GAMES TO SAVE MONEY? YOU CAN EARN MORE MONEY. BUT YOU CAN NEVER EARN MORE TIME. Nice try, hippie. No, Homer. He's right. Think of all the moments people have missed with their families. Moments they will never get back -- just to try to get one over on these games without spending money. It's so tragic. Freemium games -- both strategy-based and town building alike -- are a blight on society! Eh, I like touching screens. I stick by my choice. Forget it, you impossible thing that can't speak but is speaking anyway, the Simpsons are gonna become the donut kings of the cloud, and you can't stop us. UNLESS… I STEAL YOUR TIME. I CAN RESET YOUR PROGRESS ON THIS GAME. AND THEN ALL THE TIME YOU “SPENT” PLAYING IT WILL HAVE DISAPPEARED FOREVER. My Mensa gazebo! All that stuff I did in Krustyland yet I never seem to go there! If we go back to level 1 I'll be locked in Moe's Tavern again. Go back to Level 1 and redo everything?… I'll be good. I think I just did a mission where I peed my pants. Quest reward: 15 and 10

Pt. 22

After tapping on Archer Lisa's exclamation mark Mr. BIG FREEMIUM Thing? Tiny favor. Can you at least undo all the damage of this ridiculous Clash of Clones storyline? It's brought us nothing but suffering. And a Prince and Pauper parody. LAME. Template:Tapped Out Computer Icon FEAR NOT, HECTORING CHILD. THIS “UPDATE” LIKE THE ONES THAT CAME BEFORE IS BUT TEMPORARY. Template:Tapped Out Computer Icon IF THE FINGERS THAT CONTROL YOUR SAD LIVES CANNOT HEED MY ADVICE AND DELETE THIS GAME AND ALL ITS DATA… Template:Tapped Out Computer Icon THEN AT LEAST TAKE SOLACE IN THE KNOWLEDGE THAT SOON THINGS WILL BE AS THEY ONCE WERE. So we've learned our lesson. Time is best spent with the people we love. For those are moments we can never get back. Or -- we can get as many raids in as possible before time runs out! Purple-purple-purple-purple-purple-purple! *sigh* Come on, let's go sing some karaoke. Task: "Make Lisa Reluctantly Sing Karaoke". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 60 minutes. Task: "Make Marge Reluctantly Sing Karaoke". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 60 minutes. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 23

After tapping on Barbarian Homer's exclamation mark Come on boy, one more piece of unfinished business. Letting that muscle-y loser out of the brown house? It's the right thing to do. Wow. A lot of people use that house for a lot weird stuff. Come on, Barbarian Buddy. Let's get you back to your game where you can be mindlessly slaughtered. But I want to stay here. I like the fixed dog races, the Mensa meetings at the gazebo, and watching Smithers whip it good. Somebody's got a crush! Task: "Reach Level 25 and Build the Burns Manor". Task: "Make Barbarian Go on a Date With Smithers". The job takes place at the Gilded Truffle and takes 2 hours. Homie, did you really quit drinking that purple stuff? Cold turkey. And you feel okay? Yeah. Actually. It turns out it wasn't addictive after all. Quest reward: 100 and 10