Difference between revisions of "Prince and The Premise"

Revision as of 09:29, June 2, 2024

Prince and The Premise is an event-exclusive questline in The Simpsons: Tapped Out. It was introduced in the Clash of Clones content update.

Dialogue

Pt. 1

After starting the update New Character: Barbarian GRUNT! GRUNT! GRUNT! Loot! Pillage! Burn! Take! Abscond! Steal! Scream synonyms! Hey there yella fella, why are you giving an extra helping of beat down to my blue bottles? Me am barbarian. Must pillage and destroy! You're not from around here, are you Mr. Barbarian? Barbarian am from another land! Tell me about the far-away place! It am land where violence rules! Where me drink from skull of enemy! Where me poop through butt of enemy! That's a little too much TMI! Well, sir, since you've got an appetite for destruction, instead of axing my rose bushes, why not Slash this house next door? Barbarian appreciate your Guns 'N' Roses references. Barbarian will pillage 742 Evergreen Terrace! Task: "Make Barbarian Attack the Simpson House". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 60 minutes. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 2

After tapping on the Barbarian's exclamation mark Smash! Loot! Pillage! Wreck! What gives? That's my house you're smashing. GRUNT! GRUNT! GRUNT! Chief Wiggum, I need you to physically subdue this axe-wielding muscular giant who clearly is a master of hand-to-hand combat! Sorry Simpson, that's a big no can do. In that there's no possible way I can do it, thus the term, “no can do.” GRUNT! GRUNT! GRUNT! Come on Grunty, knock it off. That's my house -- where I eat and sleep and look at magazines and stuff. GRUNT! GRUNT! GRUNT! The pillaging, I get. Who wouldn't want all my awesome stuff? Like my extra-thick TV, my dozens of hidden mini-fridges, and all those magazines I mentioned earlier. GRUNT! GRUNT! GRUNT! But hear me out -- you are in serious danger of over-pillaging. GRUNT? GRUNT? GRUNT? That's right, over-pillaging. You pillage all this fantastic stuff, but you have nowhere to put it. Then it gets rained on, and the ants get into it, and it's Hibbert's shed all over again. Everything's ruined and you wasted all that great pillaging. GRUNT! GRUNT! GRUNT! What you need is a place to keep all the great stuff you pillaged. Grunt, grunt… storage locker? No, those storage places always rip you off. What you need is a castle! Grunt, grunt, GRUNT! Task: "Build the Barbarian Castle". It takes 16 hours. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 3

After tapping on the Barbarian's exclamation mark Grunt, grunt, grunt? What's wrong, barbarian buddy? Barbarian need fighters to pillage for Barbarian! Oh, I get it. Someone to do the dirty work for you. They do all the getting killed, you get all the mini-fridges. Grunt, grunt, exactly. Well, this town isn't exactly full of big muscle-y ass-whompers like yourself. But it is full of… nerds! Grunt, grunt, nerds? A whole bunch of medieval dorks are always playing with fake swords in the park. I bet they'd love to go raiding with a real disemboweling skull-drinker like yourself. The only problem is… those nerds wouldn't stand a chance. They'd be totally slaughtered. Barbarian would never send nerds to pointless deaths. ... ... Grunt, grunt, KIDDING! You had me there for a sec. You totally had me. Message Here are 10 free nerds to follow your every command. Send them to attack other towns. Just don't get too attached to them! *evil laugh* Task: "Attack Another Springfield". I must say Mr. Barbarian, you’re doing a wonderful service for these young gentlemen. Huh? I’m told you’re planning a vigorous exercise program. No. Me send them to deaths. More than they deserve. But aren't they doing you a favor by retrieving valuable items for you? Raid takes time. Attack with more nerds destroy building faster. When more nerds attack, is harder to defend. More dead nerds equals more good for me. Um… did you just say…? DEAD NERDS EQUALS MORE GOOD FOR ME!!! I need a bag of salted cashews. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 4

After tapping on Homer's exclamation mark Excuse me, Homer. A tiny favor… What are you doing here? I don't come to where you work and ask you for things. You come to the church every Sunday and pray for a new car. Nice, I see what you did there. Classic reversal. Although, to be fair, it was a pretty solid set up on my part. You've got to talk to your barbarian friend. He and his gang of nerds have been looting and pillaging all over town. They stole Patty and Selma's menopause medication. Those two without their woman hormones? That oughta be good for a larf! The horde destroyed Chester's shed -- he was finally this close to finishing it. Poor old Chester, always good for a larf. The barbarians and nerds savagely beat the Yes-Man, leaving him with permanent brain damage. Trust me, with that guy there wasn't much brain left to damage. Savage beatings, always good for a larf. You've got to do something! But all the stuff you're saying is good for a larf! Why would I want to stop larfs? Then I guess you wouldn't care that the Barbarian stole Ned Flanders' wet-dry vac. That's not good for a larf! Hey, you, helmet head! There's only one person who steals from Ned Flanders in this town -- and that's me! Grunt, grunt, you've got to be kidding. Give Flanders back his wet-dry vac -- or else! But wet-dry vac am good for cleaning up blood AND guts. Put the wet-dry vac back! Grunt, grunt, what if I don't? Then grunt grunt I kick your grunt! Task: "Make Homer Attack Barbarian". The job takes place at the Barbarian Castle and takes 6 seconds. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 5

After tapping on Barbarian's exclamation mark Task: "Make Barbarian Chase Homer with an Axe". The job takes 2 hours. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 6

After completing Pt. 5 Well, you chased me for 2 hours, and you finally caught me. You better runner than I thought. Well, I guess it's time for you to chop off my head. Soon me drink from your skull! Drink, eh? Say Barbie, before you decapitate me, scrape all the flesh off my head, boil the bones to a nice chalky-white, then seal up all the little head holes to keep the liquid from leaking… what say I buy you a beer? GRUNT, GRUNT, THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING 'BOUT!!! If Moe's Tavern is owned: Task: "Make Homer Drink at Moe's". The job takes place at Moe's Tavern and takes 8 hours. Task: "Make Barbarian Drink at Moe's". The job takes place at Moe's Tavern and takes 8 hours. If Moe's Tavern is not owned: Task: "Make Homer Drink with Barbarian". The job takes place at the Barbarian Castle and takes 8 hours. Task: "Make Barbarian Drink with Homer". The job takes place at the Barbarian Castle and takes 8 hours. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 7

After tapping on Homer's exclamation mark Have to admit, beer from mug better than beer from skull. Skull beer always taste like old head meat. Even if you boil the skull for a long time? No matter how long me boil skull, still am taste hint of brain. You're just full of interesting trivia. Which Springfield are you from? Am not from Springfield. Am from… other game. So we just admit now that we know we live in a game? No more pretense? Why lie to selves? Is insult to players' intelligence. Yeah, okay. That makes things easier. So, tell me about the game you come from. Is called “Clash of Castles.” Barbarians attack other towns, destroy everything, kill everyone, and pillage gold and elixir. So that explains the pillaging. Is all me know. Your Clash of Castles game sounds awesome. I have to admit, I'm getting a little bored of my game. It's pretty vanilla. Everything's so wussy here. “Valentine's Day Hearts”? “Friendship Points?” And don't get me started on those (EXPLETIVE DELETED) Easter fences!!! Your game sounds a million times better than my game! And so much more addicting. Like I'd totally ignore my town to play in your world. Yeah, me guess it's okay… What's the income tax rate on pillaging? Zero. Federal and state? Us drink from skull of tax collector so yeah. Nice games are so boring! Rated “E” for Everybody -- more like “L” for Lamewads Losers and Larrys! Larry is this guy who used to really annoy everyone. He wore huge t-shirts that looked like dresses. Him sound like wiener. I never get to kill anyone! Not even a Squeaky Voice Teen or a Wise Guy! Killing am big rush, no lie. 20 more beers over here, Moe! If Moe's Tavern is owned: Task: "Make Homer Drink 10 More Beers". The job takes place at Moe's Tavern and takes 60 minutes. Task: "Make Barbarian Drink 10 More Beers". The job takes place at Moe's Tavern and takes 60 minutes. If Moe's Tavern is not owned: Task: "Make Homer Drink 10 More Beers". The job takes place at the Barbarian Castle and takes 60 minutes. Task: "Make Barbarian Drink 10 More Beers". The job takes place at the Barbarian Castle and takes 60 minutes. Can me tell you something? Anything, pal. Me am jealous -- of you! *spit-take* Me tired of kill kill kill, pillage pillage pillage, grunt grunt grunt. Sometimes, me just want put feet by fire and drink from skull of enemy with someone me love. Me want do Sunday crossword puzzle in bed then go to brunch, not slaughter castle full of archers and wizards. See, I would love to bathe in wizard blood. Me would love stay home watch “The Bachelor” eating low calorie popcorn. I guess each of us would love to have the other guy's life. Yes, that am situation. Hey guys, did you know that when the Barbarian here takes off his helmet, he looks just like Homer. OMG -- Oh my God! It's true! OMC -- Oh my Crom! Us am twins! You guys should switch places and live each other's lives, just like that classic piece of literature: “Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties”. Switch places? That sounds hacky. No, no it's cool. The same happened to Bart in one of the episodes of the TV show this whole thing is based on. Us game not based on TV show. Am original IP. Must be nice. So it's agreed, I'll live the life of a Barbarian, and you'll live the life of a family man! Me still think this am hacky, but am worth it. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 8

After tapping on Homer's exclamation mark To be me, all you have to do is shave that mustache. You must turn all that fat to muscle. Task: "Collect Gold" (x200). Task: "Make Homer Bulk Up". The job takes place at a Krusty Burger and takes 4 hours. Task: "Make Barbarian Get a Haircut". The job takes place at Jake's Unisex Hair Palace or the Barbarian Castle and takes 4 hours. Task: "Make Homer and Barbarian Switch Places". The job takes place at the Barbarian Castle and takes 45 seconds. Upon sending Homer to "Bulk Up" Oh no you don't, sky finger. No way. Not working out. Uh-uh. There's got to be another way to bulk me up. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 9

After tapping on Homer Barbarian's exclamation mark Greetings ugly boy! Huh? Me am your father. Bow before father! Guh? Show respect for father's prowess with axe and skill in battle… I mean, parenting. Dad, what's wrong with you? You seem… intense. And your speech is much more halting than usual. Bow before father or me crush your neck! Okay, that's more like it. Task: "Make Homer Barbarian Pretend to Be a Sitcom Dad". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 8 hours. Boy whelp think me am Homer, but girl whelp am clever. What father do to win affection of girl? Me know! Me give her life lessons in backbreaking labor. Child! I command you to build a castle. A castle? I suppose this could be a good exercise in medieval construction. Can I use eco-friendly materials? Ask mother. Being father am easy. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 10

After tapping on Homer Barbarian's exclamation mark Boy want sharpen father's axe with father? I don't feel like it… Something bothering boy? This bully at school, he took my Krusty doll. Bully steal from son of… what my name again? Homer Simpson. Bully steal from son of Homer Simpson?! Homer Simpson cleave bully in twain! Sweet. Task: "Reach Level 9 Build Springfield Elementary". Task: "Make Homer Barbarian Chase Bully with an Axe". The job requires Nelson and takes 4 hours. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 11

After tapping on Homer Barbarian's exclamation mark Sniffle… Daughter! Roast me a boar! Sniff… sob… Make sure save boar brains. Mmm… boar brains. Oh, Dad! My saxophone recital is tonight and no one's coming! I've been practicing so much! *saxophoning* That sound like death-keening of a wounded frost giant! Am… beautiful. Really? Me find people and make them go to music show… or me cleave them in twain! I love you Dad! Task: "Make Lisa Play in the Recital". The job takes place at Springfield Elementary and takes 12 hours. Task: "Make Homer Barbarian Make Springfielders Attend the Recital". The job takes 12 hours. Task: "Make Springfielders Attend the Recital Under Threat of Death" (x10). The job takes place at Springfield Elementary and takes 12 hours. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Characters that can do the "Attend the Recital Under Threat of Death" task are:

Pt. 12

After tapping on Homer Barbarian's exclamation mark Where am wife! Homer Simpson need woman to rub feet and pick bugs from hair and pick bugs from feet! Dad, because Mom is a high level character, we have to wait a while before she appears. It makes things easier for the new players. NOOOOOBS! Task: "Make Homer Barbarian Express Rage Against Noobs". The job takes 12 hours. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 13

After tapping on Barbarian Homer's exclamation mark I been drinking too much of that purple stuff. I gotta take a break, get clean… I wonder what my family's up to. Family, I'm home! What you doing here? Two fake Homers? How am I supposed to know which is the real fake Homer? Hey, that's my wife's pork chops you're eating! So? Your wife's pork chops am delicious. Thank you. I think. The pork chops were never part of the deal. What you talking about? Us switch lives! That am premise! HACKY PREMISE! So what if it's hacky? Fake Dad chased a bully with an axe for me! He made everyone go to my sax recital! Homer Barbarian is a good man. He makes the bed every morning. You make the bed? What kind of man makes the bed? Grunt grunt me equal part of nurturing family equation as Marge. No man comes to my house, is a better dad to my kids, and is better at pretending to go along with parenting gibberish than me! GRRRRRRRRRRR!!! Task: "Make Barbarian Homer Attack the Simpson House". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 60 minutes. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 14

After tapping on Barbarian Homer's exclamation mark Dad, you're destroying your own house. And I'm gonna keep on destroying it until he comes out and fights me. Grunt grunt fight? No, no fight. Me no longer solve problems with axe. Me solve problems with talk, and text. Me metrosexual now. Me groom facial hair. Me watch “The Good Wife”. Me eat house-made pickles at gastropub. So you don't believe in fighting any more? Me into yoga now. Grunt, grunt, namaste. Eat axe handle, stupid! Grunt, grunt, *passing-out noise* Task: "Make Homer Hide Unconscious Barbarian In Brown House". The job takes place at a Brown House and takes 4 hours. Finally, the brown house makes itself useful. A great place to hide an unconscious loser who looks just like you. See kids, I'm a better dad then that Barbarian ever was. But the Barbarian gave us castles. No, he made you make your own castles. That's true. He made us work hard for a feeling of accomplishment. Weak. Whereas I just gave you the cool new costumes, or “skins” to win your love. Yeah, getting free stuff is way better than working. How is that a good lesson? That's my boy! HOW IS THAT A GOOD LESSON? THAT'S MY BOY! Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 15

After tapping on Barbarian Homer's exclamation mark I miss old fake dad. He had the best stories about bathing in the blood of his enemies, and scrubbing himself with their ripped-out tongues. He loved my music. He said it reminded him of when he would throw sick old bears into the bonfire and burn them alive. What are you kids complaining about? You got your real old man back! Great. Super. I'm not just your dad anymore. I'm a leveled-up version of your dad -- with a leveled-up castle. Big deal. I hope your castle is better than your pathetic Prince & the Pauper premise. Yeah, I hope your castle is more skillfully constructed together than that awful premise. Oh children… Why are they so stupid? My castle is great because of UPGRADES. Let me explain… When you make the thing you already have a little bit better, that's an upgrade. So it's something you already have… But a little bit better. Now you're getting it… IT'S A TINY IMPROVEMENT, A MARKED DIFFERENCE, IT'S A SHINIER BELT, OR A PRETTIER FENCE! Are you singing? AN UPGRADE TAKES YOUR PLUS ONE SWORD AND MAKES IT PLUS TWO AN UPGRADE TRANSFORMS YOUR MAGIC CLOAK FROM LIGHT TO DARKER BLUE He is singing. But, this game doesn't have music. UPGRADES ARE THE LITTLE BOOSTS THAT GIVE YOUR LIFE NEW MEANING THE SLIGHTLY BETTER VERSIONS THAT WILL GIVE YOUR LIFE NEW MEANING He just rhymed “new meaning” with “new meaning.” SO IF YOU'RE FEELING BORED AND SAD YOUR GAME HAS PETERED OUT UPGRADE ALL THE STUFF YOU HAVE AND THEN YOU'LL SCREAM AND SHOUT -- FOR UPGRADES!!! Wow. Way to string it out, bone-head dad - everyone knows about upgrades! Maybe if you’d laid off that purple juice a little, you’d have noticed that Lisa and I also have our own castles and outfits and… UPGRADES! Task: "Build Castle Recycle". Task: "Upgrade Archer Lisa to Level 4". Task: "Build Boxingham Palace". Task: "Upgrade Goblin Bart to Level 3". But Dad's lame song is right! Upgrades are amazing! Even though my castle is almost exactly the same, an upgrade makes it feel like I've got a whole new castle! I love you upgrades! If ever I deserved a swig of non-addictive purple goo, it's now Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 16

After tapping on Barbarian Homer's exclamation mark I don't like you looting other peoples towns. People worked hard on those. Think of all the grinding they did. Well, it's not me who looted them I'm actually a Barbarian from another game pretending to be your husband cause we look the same, you know, like in “Double, Double, Boy in Trouble.” I never saw that episode. It was a Prince & the Pauper thing. Oh how embarrassing. Me Barbarian. Me not Homer. Me from number one grossing game iTunes charts, not… number 12. Homie I know it's you. Task: "Make Homer Pose as the Barbarian Posing as Homer". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 12 hours. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 17

After tapping on Barbarian Homer's exclamation mark Marge, where were you? We haven't done a mission together in forever! You know we have to wait until later in the “Clash of Clones” event to give the new players time to catch up. NOOOOOOOBS!!! Task: "Make Barbarian Homer Express Rage Against Noobs". The job takes 12 hours. I'm still not so thrilled with all the raiding and pillaging and destroying you've been doing. Admit it, I've never brought home as much solid gold coins as I am now. I can't enjoy those coins knowing that they're the fruit of human suffering. Mmm… suffering fruit. And what's this purple stuff you've been guzzling? Is it… sizzurp? No. It's not drank. It's wine. A wine that makes you feel better than any wine in the world. And it's not in any way addictive. You're drinking it right now. *burp* I want you to quit drinking elixir. Quit drinking elixir? I'd sooner give up drinking non-addictive wine! Well don't come home until you do! When Marge sees how awesome I upgrade myself, you won't be complaining about elixir. What's an upgrade? IT'S A TINY IMPROVEMENT, A MARKED DIFFERENCE, IT'S A SHINIER BELT, OR A PRETTIER FENCE! Quest reward: 100 and 10