Difference between revisions of "Treehouse of Horror XV/Quotes"

Latest revision as of 18:28, April 3, 2024

Bart: Am I the only one here who's in horrible pain?

Homer: You're the only one who won't shut up about it.

Dr. Hibbert: Ned, you nearly died... of a brain tumor. Thank goodness that bowling ball knocked it out of your head.

Homer: So, what'd I die of? Too much happiness? Naked girl avalanche?

Ned Flanders: Uh, you die eating a submarine sandwich.

Homer: What kind of bread?

Ned: Country Parmesan.

Homer: Woo hoo!

Lisa: Mr. Flanders, why are you moving?

Ned: 'Cause I had a vision of myself... shooting your father.

Bart: In this neighborhood, who hasn't?

Lisa: Well, you can't fight fate, but if you must shoot our father, please remember our family motto: "Not in the face."

Ned: Homer, please, don't tempt the gods. I-I mean God! There's-there's one God! Only one! Well, sometimes there's three.

Homer: Oh, I'm so scared. Ned Flanders is pointing a gun at me. You couldn't even shoot me by accident, even if I whacked the barrel like this. [whacks barrel and giggles]

Ned: Quit whackin' my barrel!

Ned: Homer, stay away from the nuclear plant.

Homer: Fine, I'll never go back. Starting tomorrow. Today is Lenny's birthday and they're having ice cream cake.

Ned: But you're gonna kill us all...

Homer: But ice cream cake...

Lou: What should we do with the body?

Inspector Wiggum: I want you to dust her for prints.

Eddie: What does that mean?

Inspector Wiggum: The Prince is coming by. And I want her clean when he looks her over.

Inspector Wiggum: Well, well, well, look who's here. Master detective Eliza Simpson and her easily amazed sidekick, Dr. Bartley.

Dr. Bartley: What's this? A doorknob! Good show!

Marge: Well, it's like this. I'm a proper Cockney flower girl, I am, and I sees this real strange bloke. Out of sorts. Mad in the eyes. All kettles and biscuits. Well, he seen I was lookin' at him and he drops this and runs. Cor, blimey, skip to me loo!

Simon Stoolowitz: I'm alive! I'm gonna go to America! I'll be in pictures! You'll see! The whole world is gonna know the name Simon Stoolowitz.

Eliza Simpson: It says here the swords were sold to C. Ebenezer Burns.

Dr. Bartley: Burns? The evil industrialist who makes coal out of babies?

C. Ebenezer Burns: The sword of Osiris! I once possessed the entire collection. Then I sold them all for opium. Oh, how I wish I had them back... to sell for more opium.

Eliza Simpson: Yet another sword of Osiris! But that must mean... the murderer is still at large!

Dr. Bartley: He could have killed this one days ago—the body is bloated and the face is rotten.

Selma Bouvier: It was five minutes ago, you twit.

Homer: Please spare me. I'm not a murderer, I'm not. And I've never known the pleasures of a woman... or a proper eating apple!

Inspector Wiggum: Why can't you be more like Eddie? He never says a word against me.

Lou: That's 'cause you cut out his tongue.

Eddie: E's 'ight, 'eef.

Professor Frink: Bio-nauts assemble!

Homer: Captain!

Lisa: Science officer!

Bart: Security!

Marge: Marge!

Professor Frink: Your ship is wedged in Mr. Burns' heart. And you must dislodge it from the outside. But watch out for retro-viruses. Oh boy, are they retro! It's a fun design by R. Crumb, who was friends with Harvey Pekar. Seriously, though, touch one and you're dead.

Marge: Why is my swimsuit so revealing?

Homer: Marge, that's what turns a mediocre voyage into a fantastic voyage. [growls]

Marge: Bart, what are you doing?

Bart: Takin' a whiz.

Marge: Stop that! We're guests in Mr. Burns!