Difference between revisions of "Homer's Barbershop Quartet/Quotes"
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
m (Bot: changing parenthesis to bracket, formatting, applying template Qf, deleting empty lines, removing quote characters (code: quotes)) |
m (→top: replaced: Old Jewish Man → Old Jewish man) |
||
| (5 intermediate revisions by 3 users not shown) | |||
| Line 1: | Line 1: | ||
{{TabQ}} | {{TabQ}} | ||
{{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Krusty Gets Kancelled|Cape Feare}} | {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Krusty Gets Kancelled|Cape Feare}} | ||
| − | |||
{{qf|[[Mayor Quimby]]}} Welcome, swappers, to the Springfield Swap Meet. Ich bin ein Springfield Swap Meet patron! | {{qf|[[Mayor Quimby]]}} Welcome, swappers, to the Springfield Swap Meet. Ich bin ein Springfield Swap Meet patron! | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | {{qf|George Harrison}} ''[responding to the Be Sharps' rooftop concert]'' It's been done. | + | {{qf|{{Ch|George Harrison}}}} ''[responding to the [[Be Sharps]]' rooftop concert]'' It's been done. |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :''[Comic Book Guy puts the "Melvin and the Squirrel" record on.]'' | + | :''<nowiki>[</nowiki>[[Comic Book Guy]] puts the "Melvin and the Squirrel" record on.]'' |
| − | |||
{{qf|Record}} Stuck a feather in his cap and called it Rice-a-Roni. MEL-VIN! | {{qf|Record}} Stuck a feather in his cap and called it Rice-a-Roni. MEL-VIN! | ||
---- | ---- | ||
{{qf|George Harrison}} Hello, Homer. I'm George Harrison. | {{qf|George Harrison}} Hello, Homer. I'm George Harrison. | ||
| − | {{qf|Homer}} Oh, my god. OH, MY GOD! Where did you get that brownie? | + | {{qf|[[Homer]]}} Oh, my god. OH, MY GOD! Where did you get that brownie? |
{{qf|George}} Over there. There's a big pile of 'em | {{qf|George}} Over there. There's a big pile of 'em | ||
{{qf|Homer}} (excited, gobbles some down) Oh, man! | {{qf|Homer}} (excited, gobbles some down) Oh, man! | ||
{{qf|George}} Well, what a nice fella! | {{qf|George}} Well, what a nice fella! | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | {{qf|Apu}} Apu Nahasapeemapetilon. | + | {{qf|[[Apu]]}} Apu Nahasapeemapetilon. |
| − | {{qf|Nigel}} Hmm. Never fit on a marquee, love. From now on, your name is Apu de Beaumarche. | + | {{qf|{{ap|Nigel|Homer's Barbershop Quartet}}}} Hmm. Never fit on a marquee, love. From now on, your name is Apu de Beaumarche. |
{{qf|Apu}} That is a great dishonor to my ancestors and God...but okay. | {{qf|Apu}} That is a great dishonor to my ancestors and God...but okay. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
:''[Homer addresses the crowd after finishing the B-Sharps New York performance]'' | :''[Homer addresses the crowd after finishing the B-Sharps New York performance]'' | ||
| − | |||
{{qf|Homer}} I'd like to introduce you all to a very special woman. She's 200 years old, 500 feet tall, and weighs 400...(''winks'') Tons. | {{qf|Homer}} I'd like to introduce you all to a very special woman. She's 200 years old, 500 feet tall, and weighs 400...(''winks'') Tons. | ||
{{qf|Man in Crowd}} This gigantic woman will devour us all! YAAAAGH! (''Jumps into River'') | {{qf|Man in Crowd}} This gigantic woman will devour us all! YAAAAGH! (''Jumps into River'') | ||
{{qf|Homer}} I meant the statue. | {{qf|Homer}} I meant the statue. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :''[Chief Wiggum shoots the TV]'' | + | :''<nowiki>[</nowiki>[[Chief Wiggum]] shoots the TV]'' |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Sarah Wiggum]]}} Clancy, use the remote. | |
| − | {{qf|Sarah Wiggum}} Clancy, use the remote. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | {{qf|Abe}} That's my son up there! | + | {{qf|[[Abe]]}} That's my son up there! |
| − | {{qf| | + | {{qf|[[Old Jewish man]]}} What, the balding fatass? |
| − | {{qf|Abe}} Uh, no, the | + | {{qf|Abe}} Uh, no, the {{W|Hindu}} guy. |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|[[Bart]]}} ''[after looking at record sleeve]'' You wrote a song, dad? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} I'm surprised you don't remember, son. It was only eight years ago. | |
| − | |||
| − | |||
{{qf|Bart}} Dad, I can't even remember what happened eight minutes ago. ''[everyone laughs]'' No, I can't. It's a serious problem! | {{qf|Bart}} Dad, I can't even remember what happened eight minutes ago. ''[everyone laughs]'' No, I can't. It's a serious problem! | ||
{{qf|Homer}} ''[laughs]'' Who cares? | {{qf|Homer}} ''[laughs]'' Who cares? | ||
---- | ---- | ||
{{qf|Bart}} Oh boy! Free trading cards! | {{qf|Bart}} Oh boy! Free trading cards! | ||
| − | {{qf|Milhouse}} Wow! Joseph of Arimathea! 26 conversions in A.D. 46. | + | {{qf|[[Milhouse]]}} Wow! Joseph of Arimathea! 26 conversions in A.D. 46. |
| − | {{qf|Nelson}} Whoa, a Methuselah rookie card! | + | {{qf|[[Nelson]]}} Whoa, a Methuselah rookie card! |
| − | {{qf|Flanders}} | + | {{qf|[[Flanders]]}} ''[chuckles]'' Well boys, who'd have thought learning about religion could be fun? |
{{qf|Bart}} Religion? | {{qf|Bart}} Religion? | ||
{{qf|Milhouse}} Learning? | {{qf|Milhouse}} Learning? | ||
| Line 51: | Line 45: | ||
---- | ---- | ||
{{qf|Homer}} We were about to learn an iron law of show business; what goes up must come down. | {{qf|Homer}} We were about to learn an iron law of show business; what goes up must come down. | ||
| − | {{qf|Lisa}} What about {{ | + | {{qf|[[Lisa]]}} What about {{Ch|Bob Hope}}? He's been consistently popular for over fifty years. |
{{qf|Bart}} So's [[Frank Sinatra|Sinatra]]. | {{qf|Bart}} So's [[Frank Sinatra|Sinatra]]. | ||
{{qf|Homer}} Well, anyway, we were all getting tired of... | {{qf|Homer}} Well, anyway, we were all getting tired of... | ||
{{qf|Lisa}} [[Dean Martin]] still packs 'em in. | {{qf|Lisa}} [[Dean Martin]] still packs 'em in. | ||
| − | {{qf|Bart}} Ditto {{ | + | {{qf|Bart}} Ditto {{Ch|Tom Jones}}. |
{{qf|Homer}} Shut up! | {{qf|Homer}} Shut up! | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| Line 65: | Line 59: | ||
{{qf|Man}} Yeah, they took her off the market after some kid put both his eyes out. | {{qf|Man}} Yeah, they took her off the market after some kid put both his eyes out. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | {{qf|Barney}} David Crosby? You're my hero! | + | {{qf|[[Barney]]}} David Crosby? You're my hero! |
| − | {{qf|David Crosby}} Oh, you like my music? | + | {{qf|{{Ch|David Crosby}}}} Oh, you like my music? |
{{qf|Barney}} You're a musician? | {{qf|Barney}} You're a musician? | ||
---- | ---- | ||
{{qf|Human Fly}} Hello, Human Fly here! Come on, I spent all night dying my underwear. | {{qf|Human Fly}} Hello, Human Fly here! Come on, I spent all night dying my underwear. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | {{qf|Marge}} Your teenage son or daughter will think this wishbone necklace is really cool. | + | {{qf|[[Marge]]}} Your teenage son or daughter will think this wishbone necklace is really cool. |
{{qf|Man}} I doubt my son or daughter is that stupid. | {{qf|Man}} I doubt my son or daughter is that stupid. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| Line 80: | Line 74: | ||
---- | ---- | ||
{{qf|Reporter}} Principal Skinner, you've been referred to as the funny one. Is that reputation justified? | {{qf|Reporter}} Principal Skinner, you've been referred to as the funny one. Is that reputation justified? | ||
| − | {{qf|Principal Skinner}} | + | {{qf|[[Principal Skinner]]}} ''[seriously]'' Yes. Yes, it is. |
---- | ---- | ||
:''[Homer, Apu and Skinner, with stubble on their faces, are in the recording studio]'' | :''[Homer, Apu and Skinner, with stubble on their faces, are in the recording studio]'' | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Homer, Apu, Skinner}} ''[singing off-key]'' For all the latest medical poop, Call Surgeon General C. Everett Koop. Poo poo pa-doop... | |
| − | {{qf|Homer, Apu, Skinner}} | ||
{{qf|Apu}} This is worse than your song about Mr. T. | {{qf|Apu}} This is worse than your song about Mr. T. | ||
{{qf|Homer}} I pity the fool who doesn't like... he. And where's Barney? | {{qf|Homer}} I pity the fool who doesn't like... he. And where's Barney? | ||
{{qf|Principal Skinner}} Oh, he's with his new girlfriend, the Japanese conceptual artist. | {{qf|Principal Skinner}} Oh, he's with his new girlfriend, the Japanese conceptual artist. | ||
| − | |||
:''[Barney and his girlfriend walk in, and Barney inserts a demo tape into a recorder]'' | :''[Barney and his girlfriend walk in, and Barney inserts a demo tape into a recorder]'' | ||
| − | |||
{{qf|Barney}} Barbershop is in danger of growing stale! I'm taking it to strange new places! | {{qf|Barney}} Barbershop is in danger of growing stale! I'm taking it to strange new places! | ||
| − | |||
:''[On the recorder]'' | :''[On the recorder]'' | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Barney's Girlfriend}} Number eight... ''[Barney belches]'' Number eight... ''[Barney belches]'' Number eight... ''[Barney belches]'' | |
| − | Barney's Girlfriend | ||
---- | ---- | ||
{{qf|Moe}} Hey Barney, what'll it be? | {{qf|Moe}} Hey Barney, what'll it be? | ||
{{qf|Barney}} I'd like a beer, Moe! | {{qf|Barney}} I'd like a beer, Moe! | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Barney's Girlfriend}} I'd like a single plum floating in perfume served in a man's hat. | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Moe]]}} Here you go! | |
| − | |||
| − | {{qf|Moe}} Here you go! | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | {{qf|Ned}} You know, Reverend, this really isn't a hymn. | + | {{qf|[[Ned]]}} You know, Reverend, this really isn't a hymn. |
| − | {{qf|Reverend Lovejoy}} Ned, there's an oil stain in the parking lot that looks just like St. Barnabas. | + | {{qf|[[Reverend Lovejoy]]}} Ned, there's an oil stain in the parking lot that looks just like St. Barnabas. |
{{qf|Ned}} Oh, my stars! | {{qf|Ned}} Oh, my stars! | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| Line 118: | Line 105: | ||
{{qf|Skinner}} Er, um, we need a name that's witty at first, but that seems less funny each time you hear it. | {{qf|Skinner}} Er, um, we need a name that's witty at first, but that seems less funny each time you hear it. | ||
{{qf|Apu}} How about, The Be Sharps? | {{qf|Apu}} How about, The Be Sharps? | ||
| − | |||
:''[Everyone laughs loud at first, then less, then the laughter tapers off]'' | :''[Everyone laughs loud at first, then less, then the laughter tapers off]'' | ||
| − | |||
{{qf|Skinner}} Perfect! | {{qf|Skinner}} Perfect! | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| Line 145: | Line 130: | ||
---- | ---- | ||
:''[Apu returns to work at the Kwik-E-Mart]'' | :''[Apu returns to work at the Kwik-E-Mart]'' | ||
| − | |||
{{qf|Apu}} It may not be glamorous, but it's good honest work. | {{qf|Apu}} It may not be glamorous, but it's good honest work. | ||
{{qf|Customer}} How much is this quart of milk? | {{qf|Customer}} How much is this quart of milk? | ||
| Line 151: | Line 135: | ||
---- | ---- | ||
{{qf|Homer}} ''[when he comes back to work]'' Hey, fellows, I'm back! | {{qf|Homer}} ''[when he comes back to work]'' Hey, fellows, I'm back! | ||
| − | {{qf|Carl}} Oh, that's great. Your replacement was getting tired. ''[shot of a chicken in Homer's chair, pecking the controls]'' Hey, Queenie, you can go now! | + | {{qf|[[Carl]]}} Oh, that's great. Your replacement was getting tired. ''[shot of a chicken in Homer's chair, pecking the controls]'' Hey, Queenie, you can go now! |
{{qf|Homer}} I'll give her a good home. ''[scene goes back to Bart and Lisa, centered on Homer's stomach]'' And I did. | {{qf|Homer}} I'll give her a good home. ''[scene goes back to Bart and Lisa, centered on Homer's stomach]'' And I did. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| Line 160: | Line 144: | ||
{{qf|Bart}} Since when could you write a song? | {{qf|Bart}} Since when could you write a song? | ||
{{qf|Homer}} ''[laughs]'' There are perfectly good answers to those questions. But they'll have to wait for another night. Now off to bed! | {{qf|Homer}} ''[laughs]'' There are perfectly good answers to those questions. But they'll have to wait for another night. Now off to bed! | ||
| − | + | ||
{{Season 5|Q}} | {{Season 5|Q}} | ||
Latest revision as of 08:50, August 25, 2022
|
|||||||||
|
|
|
- Mayor Quimby: Welcome, swappers, to the Springfield Swap Meet. Ich bin ein Springfield Swap Meet patron!
- George Harrison: [responding to the Be Sharps' rooftop concert] It's been done.
- [Comic Book Guy puts the "Melvin and the Squirrel" record on.]
- Record: Stuck a feather in his cap and called it Rice-a-Roni. MEL-VIN!
- George Harrison: Hello, Homer. I'm George Harrison.
- Homer: Oh, my god. OH, MY GOD! Where did you get that brownie?
- George: Over there. There's a big pile of 'em
- Homer: (excited, gobbles some down) Oh, man!
- George: Well, what a nice fella!
- Apu: Apu Nahasapeemapetilon.
- Nigel: Hmm. Never fit on a marquee, love. From now on, your name is Apu de Beaumarche.
- Apu: That is a great dishonor to my ancestors and God...but okay.
- [Homer addresses the crowd after finishing the B-Sharps New York performance]
- Homer: I'd like to introduce you all to a very special woman. She's 200 years old, 500 feet tall, and weighs 400...(winks) Tons.
- Man in Crowd: This gigantic woman will devour us all! YAAAAGH! (Jumps into River)
- Homer: I meant the statue.
- [Chief Wiggum shoots the TV]
- Sarah Wiggum: Clancy, use the remote.
- Abe: That's my son up there!
- Old Jewish man: What, the balding fatass?
- Abe: Uh, no, the Hindu guy.
- Bart: [after looking at record sleeve] You wrote a song, dad?
- Homer: I'm surprised you don't remember, son. It was only eight years ago.
- Bart: Dad, I can't even remember what happened eight minutes ago. [everyone laughs] No, I can't. It's a serious problem!
- Homer: [laughs] Who cares?
- Bart: Oh boy! Free trading cards!
- Milhouse: Wow! Joseph of Arimathea! 26 conversions in A.D. 46.
- Nelson: Whoa, a Methuselah rookie card!
- Flanders: [chuckles] Well boys, who'd have thought learning about religion could be fun?
- Bart: Religion?
- Milhouse: Learning?
- Nelson: Let's get out of here!
- Homer: We were about to learn an iron law of show business; what goes up must come down.
- Lisa: What about Bob Hope? He's been consistently popular for over fifty years.
- Bart: So's Sinatra.
- Homer: Well, anyway, we were all getting tired of...
- Lisa: Dean Martin still packs 'em in.
- Bart: Ditto Tom Jones.
- Homer: Shut up!
- Bart: Barbershop? That ain't been popular since aught-six, dagnabbit.
- Homer: Bart, what did I tell you?
- Bart: No talking like a grizzled 1890's prospector, consarn it.
- Lisa: Wow, an original Malibu Stacey from 1958! [sees the huge, pointed breasts] Oh...
- Man: Yeah, they took her off the market after some kid put both his eyes out.
- Barney: David Crosby? You're my hero!
- David Crosby: Oh, you like my music?
- Barney: You're a musician?
- Human Fly: Hello, Human Fly here! Come on, I spent all night dying my underwear.
- Marge: Your teenage son or daughter will think this wishbone necklace is really cool.
- Man: I doubt my son or daughter is that stupid.
- Homer: Well, one of us made some money. I sold a guy our spare tire. (the tire blows out) D'oh!
- Reporter: I have a question for Apu du Beaumarchais. Isn't it true that you're really an Indian?
- Apu: By the many arms of Vishnu, I swear it is a lie.
- Reporter: Principal Skinner, you've been referred to as the funny one. Is that reputation justified?
- Principal Skinner: [seriously] Yes. Yes, it is.
- [Homer, Apu and Skinner, with stubble on their faces, are in the recording studio]
- Homer, Apu, Skinner: [singing off-key] For all the latest medical poop, Call Surgeon General C. Everett Koop. Poo poo pa-doop...
- Apu: This is worse than your song about Mr. T.
- Homer: I pity the fool who doesn't like... he. And where's Barney?
- Principal Skinner: Oh, he's with his new girlfriend, the Japanese conceptual artist.
- [Barney and his girlfriend walk in, and Barney inserts a demo tape into a recorder]
- Barney: Barbershop is in danger of growing stale! I'm taking it to strange new places!
- [On the recorder]
- Barney's Girlfriend: Number eight... [Barney belches] Number eight... [Barney belches] Number eight... [Barney belches]
- Moe: Hey Barney, what'll it be?
- Barney: I'd like a beer, Moe!
- Barney's Girlfriend: I'd like a single plum floating in perfume served in a man's hat.
- Moe: Here you go!
- Ned: You know, Reverend, this really isn't a hymn.
- Reverend Lovejoy: Ned, there's an oil stain in the parking lot that looks just like St. Barnabas.
- Ned: Oh, my stars!
- Moe: Those girls you paid to scream are doing a great job.
- Nigel: I didn't pay any girls to scream.
- Moe: Huh?!
- Skinner: Only one question remains, gentlemen...what do we call ourselves?
- Nigel: How about, Handsome Homer Simpson Plus Three?
- Barney: I like it!
- Apu: Wait, I do not.
- Skinner: Er, um, we need a name that's witty at first, but that seems less funny each time you hear it.
- Apu: How about, The Be Sharps?
- [Everyone laughs loud at first, then less, then the laughter tapers off]
- Skinner: Perfect!
- Homer: What'd you kids get?
- Bart: I bought this cool pencil holder.
- Homer: Heh heh, far out man. I haven't seen a bong in years.
- Marge: Homer, you're going to be famous!
- Homer: Yeah, but I'm not gonna let it change our lives. I'll be the same loving father I've always been.
- Marge: Hmm, have you seen Bart?
- Homer: Ehh, I stuck him somewhere. [scene shows Bart under a laundry basket, tapping a cup on it]
- Grampa: [singing] Old MacDonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-O! And on this farm he had a chick, the swingingest' chick I know! With a wiggle wiggle here and a wiggle wiggle there.
- Homer: Get of the stage!
- Grampa: I want to, but I can't!
- Homer: Lisa, did you see the Grammys?
- Lisa: You beat Dexy's Midnight Runners.
- Homer: Well, you haven't heard the last of them.
- Lisa: Wow, look at all this Be Sharps merchandise. Lunch boxes... coffee mugs...funny foam...[squirts some on Homer]
- Homer: They took the foam off the market because they found out it was poisonous, but if you ask me, if you're dumb enough to eat it, you deserve to die. [looks over] Bart!
- Bart: [through a mouth full of foam] What?
- [Apu returns to work at the Kwik-E-Mart]
- Apu: It may not be glamorous, but it's good honest work.
- Customer: How much is this quart of milk?
- Apu: Twelve dollars.
- Homer: [when he comes back to work] Hey, fellows, I'm back!
- Carl: Oh, that's great. Your replacement was getting tired. [shot of a chicken in Homer's chair, pecking the controls] Hey, Queenie, you can go now!
- Homer: I'll give her a good home. [scene goes back to Bart and Lisa, centered on Homer's stomach] And I did.
- Bart: Man, that's some story!
- Lisa: But there are still a few things I don't get. Like, how come we never heard about this until today?
- Bart: Yeah, and what happened to the money you made?
- Lisa: Why haven't you hung up your gold records?
- Bart: Since when could you write a song?
- Homer: [laughs] There are perfectly good answers to those questions. But they'll have to wait for another night. Now off to bed!
