30 Days of D'oh/Quotes

Quotes

Chief Wiggum: You wanna be a cop like your old man...don't cha, Ralph?

Ralph Wiggum: I dunno. My girlfriend Lisa says that cops are an auth-ori-something or other and are bad.

Chief Wiggum: Women love a man in a uniform.

Ralph: I wanna be a nurse!

Chief Wiggum: Well, that's great Ralphie. Male nurses are a growing and accepted field today.

Ralph: I wanna be a lady nurse! My teeth itch!

Chief Wiggum: Okay, Ralphie. That's enough.

Lenny Leonard: Hey, Homer, you're the safety inspector. There's this weird noise coming from sector 13.

Homer: I'm dealing with a stale donut situation here, Lenny. The entire world doesn't revolve around this power plant.

Lenny: This is a real emergency, Homer.

Homer: Oooooh... Okay. I guess my problems take a back seat as usual.

Homer: Why does everything in a nuclear plant have to be so complicated? I knew I should have read the manual.

Lenny: Er... Homer, should filter A be spurting out like that?

Homer: I just said I never read the manual, Lenny!

Homer: D'oh! The black smoke is filling the sky! No way I'm getting employee of the month now! Must get back home... Save what I love the most! Marge... Bart... Lisa... The other one... TV... And beeeeeeeer!

Chief Wiggum: Sideshow Bob! Shouldn't you be in prison for the attempted murder of a minor?

Sideshow Bob: I'm currently enjoying time off for good behavior, thanks to the enlightened vicissitudes of our criminal justice program... Thank you, Chief Wiggum.

Chief Wiggum: Oh... Okay then.

Chief Wiggum: Moe turned into an abomination! Hmm... No big difference, really.

Professor Frink: My second guess would be that Springfield has been invaded by an alien parasite that changes humans into human leeches thirsting for blood.

Apu: I believe they are called vampires.

Comic Book Guy: That is an outrageous and groundless claim. As anyone knows, vampires only exist in half-human form and fight crime. We must simply wait here until the day-walker rescues us, stupid.

Ralph: Can I pet your doggy?

Zombie Vampire Homer: No dog. Not doggy any more.

Ralph: Is it a robot? Do strawberry gumballs come out of its butt?

Ralph: It's going to be sunny. I'm getting my swimming costume!

Apu: I would happily join you, but I am afraid I would swim in circles and drown.

Ralph: I drown a lot!

Marge: Oh, Apu, I'm so sorry that we tried to kill and eat you.

Lisa: Now that the sun's come out, we all appear to be cured. I'm going straight back to veganism.

Apu: Oh well, it was a common mistake to make, and you are a good customer.

Lisa: Hold on. If we're all better, why are dad and Chief Wiggum still fighting?

Bart: Didn't you hear? Dad said Wiggum has bat breath!