One Flu Over Springfield/Quotes
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< One Flu Over Springfield
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- [At the Kwik-E-Mart, an obviously unwell man sneezes on a package of cold/flu medication as he approaches the counter.]
- Flu Sufferer: Wow, I need something strong to dry up all this nose gravy! I hope this medication helps.
- Apu: I am sorry, sir, but I cannot be accepting your disease-tinged currency!
- Flu Sufferer: Well, how else am I supposed to pay for it?!
- [Just then, Snake bursts into the store, wearing a ski mask and brandishing a pistol.]
- Snake: Like, totally freeze and give me your wallet pronto! [He makes the theft and exits.]
- Flu Sufferer: Hey, he took my medicine, too!
- Apu: Do not worry. I had pressed my panic button for the police to come and remove you from the store! Now they can take you and that no-goodnik away!
- [Outside the store, Snake revels in his success.]
- Snake: Ahh, the sweet smell of illegally gotten gains! [sniffs the Flu Sufferer's wallet]
- [The sound of sirens is heard in the distance. The sound gets closer and a police car comes into view.]
- Snake: Oh, cheese and crackers ... The fuzz! [He gets into his car and drives off.]
- Chief Wiggum: [in pursuit, using a loudspeaker] Alleged perpetrator, pull over, or I will be forced to shoot!
- Lou: Um, Chief, how do we know for sure that's the guy we're supposed to be chasing?
- Wiggum: Lou, you know I'm a shoot-first, lawsuit-later cop! Now, hold 'er steady!
- [Meanwhile, in the car being chased ...]
- Snake: Whoa, totally not feeling awesome anymore! Ahh ... ahh ... ahh... choo! [He sneezes, coating the steering wheel with phlegm.] Grody!
- [Snake's car goes into a spin on the snow-packed street.]
- Snake: Uh-oh ... So not cool! [He crashes into a snowbank at the base of the Lard Lad statue, then gets out of the car and runs away on foot.]
