The Monorail Song

The Monorail Song is sung by Lyle Lanley and the cast during The Simpsons episode Marge vs. the Monorail. This song is near the end of the first act and sung during a town meeting when trying to discuss what to do with some money the town got from Mr. Burns. It is a parody of songs such as "Rock Island" and "Ya Got Trouble" from the musical Meredith Willson's The Music Man, where instead of lyrics being sung, they are spoken in a kind of crazy version of Gilbert-and-Sullivan-esque patter. The song was written by Al Jean, Jeff Martin, George Meyer, Frank Mula, Conan O'Brien, John Swartzwelder, and Jon Vitti. It is the twenty-ninth track on Songs in the Key of Springfield.

Lyrics

Lyle Lanley:

You know, a town with money's a little like the mule with the spinning wheel. No one knows how he got it and danged if he knows how to use it.

(everyone laughs except Homer who at first doesn't get the joke)

Homer:

Heh-heh, mule.

Lyle Lanley:

The name's Lanley, Lyle Lanley. And I come before you good people tonight with an idea. Probably the greatest—Aw, it's not for you. It's more a Shelbyville idea.

Mayor Quimby:

Now, wait just a minute. We're twice as smart as the people of Shelbyville. Just tell us your idea and we'll vote for it.

Lyle Lanley:

All right. I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll show you my idea. I give you the Springfield Monorail!

(everyone gasps)

I've sold monorails to Brockway, Ogdenville, and North Haverbrook, and, by gum, it put them on the map!

Well, sir, there's nothin' on earth like a genuine bona-fide electrified six-car monorail! What'd I say?

Ned Flanders:

Monorail!

Lyle Lanley:

What's it called?

Selma:

Monorail.

Lyle Lanley:

That's right!

Monorail!

Cast:

Monorail...monorail...monorail... (continue over the following lyrics)

Miss Hoover:

I hear those things are awfully loud.

Lyle Lanley:

It glides as softly as a cloud.

Apu:

Is there a chance the track could bend?

Lyle Lanley:

Not on your life, my Hindu friend.

Barney Gumble:

What about us brain-dead slobs?

Lyle Lanley:

You'll be given cushy jobs.

Grampa Simpson:

Were you sent here by the devil?

Lyle Lanley:

No, good sir, I'm on the level.

Chief Wiggum:

The ring came off my pudding can.

Lyle Lanley;

Take my pen knife, my good man.

I swear, it's Springfield's only choice!

Throw up your hands and raise your voice!

All:

Monorail...

Lyle Lanley:

What's it called?

Monorail...

Once again!

Monoraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaail!

Marge:

But Main Street's still all cracked and broken.

Bart:

Sorry, Mom, the mob has spoken!

All:

Monorail...

Monoraaaaaaaaail!

MONORAIL!!

Homer:

Mono—D'oh!