Template:Comprehensive article
Cornelius Chapman was Springfield's oldest living resident at 108 years old. He built the first log cabin in Springfield and introduced the toothbrush to the citizens of Springfield. For years, he was their only pro basketball player. During the market crash of 1929, he helped people jump out of tall buildings to avoid disgrace, and once took a bullet for Huey Long (who, unfortunately for him, was hit by several other bullets in the same volley).
Chapman's longevity won him recognition at the Springfield Pride Awards, which were co–hosted by Kent Brockman and Britney Spears. However, while accepting his award, Chapman received a kiss from Spears, which caused him to suffer a heart attack, whereupon he immediately died.
After Chapman collapsed, Brockman unfastened the award from his frozen grip, nonchalantly shoved him offstage, and bestowed the award on Springfield's <nobr>next-oldest</nobr> living resident, Mr. Burns.
Read more of this article | Vote for a comprehensive article