Lisa Simpson's Book Club
Lisa Simpson's Book Club
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Comic Story information
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Lisa Simpson's Book Club is a Simpsons Comics story first printed in Simpsons Comics #81.
Contents
Synopsis
- Lisa holds her weekly book club, but none of the attendees have actually read the assigned book. So, Lisa asks the people to tell their own stories that mean something to them.
Plot
Lisa is holding her monthly book club meeting where the assigned book for the month is Bleeding Gums Murphy's biography, Floss, I Hardly Knew Ye. However, nobody has read the book. Homer is just there for the snacks, Apu didn't want to read another book on the life of a jazz musician, Bart just wants to read comic books, Patty says the warning label on her pack of cigarettes is the length of a short story, Ned Flanders just wants to read the Bible, and Captain McCallister wants help reading a treasure map. Lisa decides to let the people tell stories, but tells them to change things up to avoid copyright laws.
Rhyme of the Middle-Aged Mariner
Captain McCallister starts by telling his story. In Salty's bar, the Middle-Aged Mariner is mistaken for the Ancient Mariner. He tells her that he's the Middle-Aged Mariner and tells her his story. The Middle-Aged Mariner was the captain of the happiest ship on the seas. Suddenly, he heard a voice ask for food. This turned out to be Ol' Gull, a seagull. The Middle-Aged Mariner agrees to give him a job in exchange for food. Ol' Gull is assigned to cook the meal for that evening. Twenty minutes after eating, most of the crew died from food poisoning because Ol' Gull bathed in the soup. Ol' Gull asks for a second chance and gets put in charge of morale, since most of the crew died. He starts to sing "Pack Up Your Troubles in Your Old Kit-Bag", but the remaining crew members jump overboard instead of listening to him sing. Since he's the only crew member left, the Mariner gives him a third chance, making him the navigator since seagulls have an excellent sense of direction. However, they sail off the edge of the world only five minutes later.
The Mariner finishes telling his story in Salty's, and the woman is surprised because she thinks the world is round. The Mariner then reveals that Ol' Gull is still alive and he is now his ice breaker for meeting pretty girls in bars. Ol' Gull then reminds the Mariner that he has a doctor's appointment about the full body rash he picked up in Bangkok, disgusting the woman and causing the Mariner to chase Ol' Gull around the bar.
The Little Engine That Couldn't Care Less
After Captain McCallister finishes his story, Lisa asks Homer for his story next.
Homer is a train in a trainyard. Waylon Smithers tells him that he has to get a shipment of toys to Orphan Town, but Homer is tired as he was up late last night drinking at the bar. Smithers tells Homer the journey is only half a mile, but it's over a large hill. Ned tells Homer he just needs to think positively and to think of a phrase to keep him going. Homer starts the journey while repeating the lines "I think I can" and "I knew I could." However, he ends up at the bar while Ned does the job for him.
Little Women
In Patty and Selma's story, several people walk down the street. Patty tells Carl to watch where he's walking, and Carl apologizes as he almost stepped on Patty and Selma. Patty says that she guesses cigarettes really do stunt your growth while Selma agrees with her.
The 7 Habits of Highly Successful Kwik-E-Mart Employees
Apu's story is about the Kwik-E-Mart handbook. The seven habits are: 1) Prioritize, 2) begin work with no end in mind, 3) think "win-win", 4) seek first to understand, then not to be understood, 5) be proactive, 6) sharpen the saw, and 7) the armed customer is always right.
The Lion, the Wardrobe, and the Snow Queen
Grampa enters the room, having gotten lost on the way to the doctor's office, and tells Lisa that he has a story.
Edmund and Lucy Pevensie arrive in Narnia through a magical wardrobe. There, they meet Mr. Tumnus and the Ice Queen, who offers them Turkish Delight. Before they can accept the candy, Aslan appears and tells them the Ice Queen is dangerous. Father Christmas arrives with gifts of deep-fried candy canes and fruitcake for them. This draws Mr. Beaver in, whom Aslan sees and starts chasing in an attempt to eat him. Soon, the Ice Queen is fighting another witch while Mr. Tumnus is being chased by a white stag. Meanwhile, Frodo Baggins and Samwise Gamgee get lost on their way to Mordor and ask for directions.
Having had enough of all of this, Edmund and Lucy leave Narnia, board up the wardrobe, and give it away to Cletus in a garage sale.
Lisa Longsocks
Bart tells the story of Lisa Longsocks. Lisa Longsocks lived in a treehouse with her pet horse and monkey. When she hears bullies stealing the nerds' milk money, Lisa goes to save them and stop the bullies. Bart Longsocks then shows up needing a place to stay. He has Lisa's horse and monkey take his stuff to the treehouse. Later, Lisa stops Bigfoot from stealing picnic baskets, but Bart takes credit for her feat. He tells Lisa that he'll let her take the credit for the next thing he does. The next day, The Daily Paper has a story about Lisa ruining a high society party and setting fire to Australia. Lisa tries to kick Bart out, but he refuses to leave. Lisa's horse and monkey quit and leave due to Bart's abuse.
Lisa holds a family meeting, with Homer returning from being a pirate at sea and Marge returning from being an angel in Heaven. Bart refuses to leave, so Lisa decides to go to Heaven with her mother. While there, she helps plan an attack on Hell and gets the Devil arrested. However, she gets bored of this, so she goes to join her father at sea. She causes Redbeard and Bluebeard to crash their ships into each other, making a joke about them being "marooned." However, Homer doesn't get it, so Lisa goes back home. When she arrives, she finds that Bart is now a rock star, with his first single being about how boys are better than girls.
Something Pretty Bad This Way Is Coming!
Lisa is annoyed at the message of Bart's story, so she decides to tell her own story. Homer, Bart, and Milhouse go to the Sideshow Bob & Krusty's Pandemonium Show. While there, they meet Sideshow Bob, who is covered from head to toe in tattoos of him attacking Bart. Sideshow Bob lets Homer go onto the carousel, which goes backwards and also reverses his age. When Bob tries to get Bart and Milhouse on the carousel too, they run away and escape into the sewers. When Bob is distracted, they leave and think they see young Homer, but it's actually a young Grampa. The three of them go back to the carnival to try and undo the age reversal, but Bob finds them. Bart and Milhouse split up, with Bart accidentally knocking the carousel lever as Krusty is working on fixing it, causing Krusty to age. Bart and Milhouse both make it into the Hall of Mirrors, where they laugh at their reflections. The laughter causes Sideshow Bob and the carnival to crumble into dust.
Krusty wants to put the aging right, so he uses the Fixing Magic Carousels the E-Z Way guide to try and build a new carousel. While he successfully changes the ages of Homer and Grampa, Homer is now Grampa's age and Grampa is now Homer's age, and Bart is a baby.
After this story, Lisa and Bart smell smoke. They then realize that the Book Burning Club meeting has started, and they have burned up the copies of Floss, I Hardly Knew Ye. Ralph tells the readers to go to their local "liberry" to find great books to burn.
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