The Trial of Maggie Simpson/Quotes

Quotes

Kent Brockman: This is Kent Brockman with the latest Buzz, brought to you by Buzz Cola... ...a tasty division of Thermo-Global Munitions! Tonight... we'll expose sickening conditions at the county morgue, then take you to a chili-tasting! But first, our top story... ...the wretched and the raggedy invade Springfield... ...demanding our food and our shelter! What happens next will shock you... ...as the good people of our city drop their torches and pitchforks and open their hearts! I call them Kent's Angels, and the reason they feed and shelter these outsiders will amaze you! They do it because the ragged wretches are... ...filthy rich! Yes, Springfield is hosting the annual convention of shabbily dressed internet trillionaires! Tavern keeper Moe Szyslak, how much have you made off these tattered tycoons?

Moe Szyslak: Don't look at my money, or I'll cut you!

Kent Brockman: [CHUCKLE!] I see wealth hasn't changed you, Moe!

Moe: Don't look at my change!

Ned Flanders: Hate to utter talk from the gutter, but I'm sick-diddly-ick of hiding from these shell-shocked trillionaire beggars!

Chief Wiggum: Oh, isn't there something we can do?

Lisa: I keep saying let's take up a collection for them!

Apu: You mean... charity?

Homer: Lisa! Watch your language! You're in church!

Lisa: But you were happy to give to them when they were rich!

Homer: Awww... that's nice of you to notice, honey.

Helen Lovejoy: We should pass a law to deal with those zombie hobos!

Mayor Quimby: Good idea! All those in... er, ah... favor?

Everybody: Aye!

Mayor Quimby: The law is passed... er, ah... unanimously!

Lisa: Excuse me, but what law? Nobody proposed anything to vote on.

Mayor Quimby: Ahhh... very simple... er, ah... little girl. It says that pursuant to the necessary... er, ah... determination and whereas, when relating to subsection...

Bumblebee Man: En inglés!

Mayor Quimby: Okay, in English... it's... er, ah... illegal in Springfield to not have any money, OK?

Mr. Burns: There is one among us whose drool-sodden fingers have never handled so much as a dime! I accuse... ...Maggie Simpson!

Marge: Waaaaah?

Maggie: [GUHH-ULP!]

Lisa: Chief? You're not allowed to sentence my sister! You're a police officer, not a judge! Besides, the law hasn't even passed yet, and--

Chief Wiggum: Open Channel D. I got another malcontent for the no-fly list: Simpson, Lisa. S-I-M-P-S-O-N.

Vesper: L-I-S-A. I copy. And Clancy? I suppose she's ...very young and beautiful.

Chief Wiggum: Keep your chin up, Vesper. Wiggum out.

Judge Snyder: This court accuses Maggie Simpson of violating section 54321 of the Springfield penal code... ...by having no money!

Gil Gunderson: No money? But Gil needs a payday! He's got the bills and the wife and the loan shark and... Awww, no! I can't be your lawyer, little girl! I just can't do it! Where will ol' Gil get money now?

Homer: You have money?

Judge Snyder: Than I have no choice but to find the defendant guilty... ...of being innocent! Adorably innocent!

Homer: You have money?

Homer: You have money? Can daddy hold it? [GROAN] I can't stand it! Where did you get it?

Lisa: But when did Maggie have time to get involved with this book without our knowledge?

Marge: I'll bet it happened the day your father watched her.

Homer: Wha--?! Oh that's why Oprah was there!