The Simpsons Comics Internationale!/Quotes

Quotes

Jake: Hello, comicphiles! I'm Jake, the Bongo intern. Welcome to The Simpsons Comics Internationale! I'm the go-fer, guy Friday, and archivist here at Bongo. And some day I hope to get a paycheck out of this place. I'm speaking to you today from Warehouse One of Matt Groening's world famous comic book collection. And before you make the joke, yes, it does have its own zipcode. Today I'm your guide to the world of comics from other lands. Strange places... where comics are read backwards and upside down. Let's take a peek, shall we?

Jake: Many of the comics you're familiar with are redrawn and re-written for publication in foreign lands. Minor changes are often made to help the characters and stories bridge the cultural divide. In one nation's version of Superman, the Man of Steel is married to Lois Lane, Lana Lang and Xena. Little Lulu is all grown up in another country's version and works as a divorce lawyer.

Kent Brockman: A home-run of great distinction is it not, Krusty-san?

Krusty: Do not trouble me. I am a clown, yet I am filled with indifference.

Kent Brockman: Ahhh!

Krusty: Ho! Ho! I laugh and laugh! Your pain and surprise amuses me too much!

Bartomu Simpson: Milhouse! To run for home plate is most judicious!

Milhouse Van Houten: I am afraid to dishonor my team by being tagged out!

Bartomu: But this is a ball field of Japanese dimensions! To score is but a matter of a few steps!

Milhouse: I am running faster than a bullet train!

Bartomu: We have won. Our franchise and its sponsors may take pride in our accomplishments! And yet you are sad, Milhouse.

Milhouse: I think of my parents, Bartomu! Forced to commit seppuku rather than face the shame of divorce. That is how I came to be raised by snow monkeys.

Yoshiberra: It is I, Yoshiberra, Home-Run King of the Red Dimension Nine! Your vain proclamations are as gas in my lower bowels! I challenge your title, Bartomu Simpson-san!

Bartomu: I accept your challenge! We shall duel, and you will succumb to my great powers!

Yoshiberra: Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Your mightiest champion is as a lump in my tempura! So dead!

Lisayama Simpson: No, it is you who will be so dead!

Yoshiberra: Ur?

Lisayama: You are facing Lisayama, avenging sister! I will jet-ski on a lake of your blood!

Jake: From the land of the rising sun we travel to the land that gave us the sprout and the waffle. A tiny nation with a rich comics tradition of its own. Belgium has given the world such classics of sequential storytelling as "Pei-Pei et Pou-Pou" and "Momolapalopi". In this charming low country, comic books are treated with a respect unheard of in the U.S.A. Comiques graphiques are printed on the finest paper and lovingly bound in permanent editions. Generations to come can enjoy these splendid, allergen-free editions. So, it was with great pride that Matt Groening allowed his humble creations to be re-imagined by Belgian comics legends Umglaut Pigot and Remy Uberl'eau. Mssrs. Pigot and Uberl'eau informed Matt that his version of "The Simpsons" was too bourgeois and simple-minded. "Très Americaine." Those were their exact words. I feel unworthy of even introducing this next segment, a portion of Pigot and Uberl'eau's masterpiece, "Les Schtroumphsons."

Henri Schtroumphson: Waffle man! I am arriving with the waffles for you! Great Zeus! For there is an apple?

Apple man: Did you say waffles?

Henri: Admire this confection... ice cream and berries. Yum!

Apple man: This is working for you, my friend? Door-to-door food?

Henri: What? Why can't I understand you?

Apple man: I am speaking Dutch, and you are speaking French.

Henri: What?

Apple man: Alas, we are Belgian! Our two national solitudes, forever locked in an unfamiliar embrace. Three, if you count the Germanic peoples along our eastern border.

Henri: Name my mother's feathers! What are you saying? Do you wish to buy a waffle?

Apple man: I do not care for American breakfast foods. Please mind the apple.

Henri: I think, my friend, you are Dutch!

Baron von Burnswaffle: ...but I shall bring back our national pride with this door-to-door waffle scheme. I swear it.

Waylon Smithers: Ja, Herr Baron.

Baron von Burnswaffle: But not with a work-force that includes this grotesque elf. You're a one man demolition squad, aren't you, my waffle-stuffed friend? Eating the goods, perhaps?

Henri: Sacred color blue! I gasp! Never would I do this! It is against the waffle man's code of ancient honor.

Baron von Burnswaffle: We have a code? I only came up with this waffle scheme on Monday.

Waylon Smithers: If you could recite your code, please, for the Baron.

Henri: Never... Never never ever... Eat the waffles!

Baron von Burnswaffle: Well, that's a clever code. You have 24 hours to make a waffle sale, Herr Zeppelin pants. And no more demolished porches... ...or you're fired!

Henri: Wait! Are you two speaking German?

Santy: I vote we follow Henri and see what happens.

Bartbart Schtroumphson: That's a good idea... but I never remember. Are we supposed to be able to understand the dog?

hHenri: Flander's Fields! It's Jean Claude Van-Damme, Belgium's most famous living citizen! What are you doing here?

Jean-Claude Van Damme: I show up in all of your adventures, Henri. You should be used to me by now...

Henri: Oh yes! Of course!

Baron von Burnswaffle:These horrible creatures? AGAIN?! They've been clogging my agricultural equipment for months. I can't clear a forest without these things clogging up my engines.

Snerf: Aaah! It is Gilgamel! The evil one! We must destroy your business! Destroy you!

Bartito Simpson: Murder! Murder! Sweet murder! How long have I waited for this!

Margarita Simpson: Bartito!

Bartito: Aw, mamasita!

Margarita: You know we're saving that cake for the festival of the dead tomorrow!

Bartito: Man, death just can't come soon enough.

Bartito: I'm starving. What's for dinner?

Margarita: Burritos.

Bartito: Again? What about frijoles or taquitos or chimichangas or carnitas or tamales?

Margarita: Frankly, I can't tell the difference between any of them. They're all made from the same three ingredients! So, I'll make burritos, and you call them whatever you want to.

Bartito: Papa's home.

Margarita: Oh, Homero... are you crying?

Homero Simpson: No! A man does not cry! It is hot, and my eyeballs are sweating.

Otto Mann: Hold on a momentito, Pancho.

Homero: What's the problemo?

Otto: You don't fit the profile, man.

Homero: Profile?

Otto: Our cover story at the border stop is that we're a school trip returning from studying Mayan ruins. You're too old to be a student, and we already have enough "teachers."

Homero: Hey! We've been in this hot, stinking bus for like a whole day! You gonna let us through, or do I have to go gangsta on your butt?

Chief Wiggum: Yep. They're Americans. Let the lady through, boys.