To Heir I$ Homer/Quotes

Quotes

Homer: But what'll I tell Marge and the kids?

Grampa: Tell 'em I died!

Homer: I'm no good at lying. Why don't you tell them you died. [thinking] Wait, that won't work... [out loud] ...D'oh! Hey! Thanks a lot stupid brain!

Homer: Hey, how would you like to have dinner with my family? We're having casserole.

Samuel T. Duff: What kind of casserole?

Homer: Uh, you know, yummy, tasty casserole, made from... Mmm... Casserole food.

Sam: O.K., let's go.

Sam: Something sure smells good.

Bart: [whispering] It sure isn't Sam.

Marge: This must be his first meal in weeks. Kids, what your father did was... Um... Impulsive, but still very noble.

Lisa: Yeah, dad should be commended. He heard the desperate pleas of the disenfranchised and said...

Homer: Mmm, gristle!

Bart: Hey! They're interrupting the clowniest clown on Earth for some lousy grown-up story.

Lisa: Be quiet, Bart. Special reports herald monumental occasions in one's life. It could be an announcement of a precedent-setting change in foreign policy, the discovery of a cure for a previously incurable disease, or...

Kent Brockman: We interrupt this program, quite frankly... Heh, heh. Because we can!

Lisa: ..A flagrant display of the news media's totalitarian grip on the airwaves.

Marge: Homer, do you see what I see?

Homer: Yeah, so? It's just some news guy talking about somebody being put into that old guy's will, while at the same time they're showing a videotape of me getting the morning paper. It's not like they said I inherited a whole beer empire and billions of dollars, now is it, Mrs. Smarty-pants?

Kent Brockman: So far, little is known about the new owner of the Duff Breweries other than his name, Homer J. Simpson!

Homer: D'oh! I'm sorry about the smarty-pants thing, Marge. I was wrong. I'm a billionaaaaire! I'm a billionaaaaire! I'm a billionaaaaire!

Bart: Well, wham-bam, thank you, Sam!

Homer: Mr. Burns! What are you doing here?

Mr. Burns: Surprise, Simpson. Meet the proud owner of forty-nine percent of Duff Industries.

Homer: Who?

Mr. Burns: Me, you idiot!

Homer: Oh. Wait a minute... Let's see, forty-nine percent... Out of one hundred percent... Carry the one... Marge, if he owns forty-nine per...

Marge: You own fifty-one percent.

Homer: D'oh! I knew it was too good to be true.

Lisa: Dad, you own more.

Homer: Woo hoo! I own more! I own more!

Mr. Burns: Here you go, Mr. Simpson, just one last brew and you will have your blasted empire.

Homer: A quarter Duff Draft, an eighth Duff Dry... An eighth Duff Malt... An eighth Duff Lager... An eighth Duff Christmas Ale... And... An eighth, no a quarter... Duff Amber Fire-brewed Barley Export, which is only sold... In Canada!

Waylon Smithers: I'm afraid he's right, sir.

Mr. Burns: Blast his taste buds! I mean it, Smithers. I want you to find someone to blast his tastebuds!

Marge: Three hundred dollars is a lot of money, homey. We can still carpet the basement.

Homer: It's not the money, Marge. It's that I failed... Again! And at something as simple as running a billion dollar beer empire.

Lisa: It wasn't a total loss, dad. I learned that mindless automatons will not make human laborers obsolete.

Bart: Yeah, and I got to experience the life of a ne'er-do-well playboy sponging off the family fortune.

Marge: And I got to see that I love my husband, no matter where he works... Or doesn't. Maybe Mr. Burns will give you your old job back.

Homer: No way. He must think I'm the biggest dope in the world.