Smithers' Guide/Quotes

Quotes

Waylon Smithers: You look too intelligent to be a comic reader!

Mr. Burns: Good heavens, Smithers, that was my last vial of oil of vitriol. Displease me again, and you're fired! Now, out of my sight!

Smithers: I'm sorry, sir.

Mr. Burns: And slam the door on yourself when you leave!

Smithers: Oh, he's right! I'm toadying when I should be kowtowing, and my groveling isn't as slavish as it used to be. What's a yes-man to do?

Mr. Burns: Maybe it's time for a new lap dog. Let's see who's in the pound... hmmm. Nobody plays second banana like a former vice-president.

Smithers: "...Remember the three "c"s: cower, cringe, compliment." I can do that in my sleep! According to this book, I'm doing everything right! Where can I turn? Well, I've tried the best that quick-fix advice books have to offer. I guess the next logical step is the alcohol-infused wisdom of the common man.

Homer: ...And let me tell you one thing for sure! They haven't made a relationship problem that can't be solved by five simple words: "Honey-have-you-lost-weight?" I guarantee it!

Barney Gumble: You tell 'im, Homer.

Smithers: I've been fawning over Mr. Burns's intellect and charm, but I've neglected his superior looks. I won't forget this, Homer Simpson!

Mr. Burns: Oh, who am I kidding? I couldn't replace Smithers. He's the yin to my yang, the Europe to my Ghengis Khan, the everyone else to my Frank Sinatra. Only an ungrateful tyrant would fire a world class truckler like Waylon Smithers.

Marge: Homer, why has your pay check been reduced by half?

Homer: Ummm... gee, honey, have you lost weight?