The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show/Quotes
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- Homer: Hey they're having open casting for the voice of Poochie.
- Lisa: You should try out Dad, you have a funny voice.
- Homer: I do not!
- Bart: Haven't you ever listened to yourself on a tape recorder?
- Homer: I prefer to listen to Cheap Trick.
- Bart: Look here, say something.
- Bart turns on his tape recorder
- Homer [attempting to sound like a seductive radio DJ]: Hey, this is Homer Simpson saying howdy to all the girls out there in Radio Land!
- Bart replays recording
- Recording: Hey, this is Homer Simpson saying...
- Homer: Ah! I don't sound like that do I? Oh, I don't like having such a hilarious voice.
- Bart: That hilarious voice could be your ticket to stardom!
- Otto: Woah, a talking dog? What were you guys smoking when you came up with that?
- David Cohen: We were eating rotisserie chicken. Can you just read the line please?
- Otto: [sarcastically] Ruff, ruff. I'm Poochie, the rockin' dog!
- Roger Meyers: You're perfect. In fact, you're better than perfect. Next to you, perfection is crap!
- Troy McClure: [rehearsed] "Ruff, ruff. I'm Poochie the rockin' dog. Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such cartoons as Christmas Ape and Christmas Ape Goes to Summer Camp."
- Meyers: You're even better than this guy. [to Otto] Take a hike you bum.
- Homer: [upbeat] Ruff, ruff. I'm Poochie, the rocking dog!
- Meyers: Now that's just bad. You got no attitude, you're barely outrageous, and, I don't know what you're in, but it's not my face. Next.
- Homer: Oh, no attitude eh? Not in your face huh? Well you can cram it with walnuts ugly!
- Meyers: That's it! That's the Poochie attitude! Do that again.
- Homer: Huh? I can't I don't remember what I did.
- Meyers: Then you don't get the job. Next.
- Homer: Oh I don't get the job do I? Well boo hoo, I don't get to be a cartoon dog.
- Meyers: That's it, you've got the job!
- Homer: Oh, so now I got the job huh? ...Oh thank you.
- Homer: Uh, is this episode going on the air live?
- June: No, Homer. Very few cartoons are broadcast live, it's a terrible strain on the animator's wrists.
- Bart: Mom! You can hug me while I'm asleep!
- Marge: I do.
- At a comics convention. Benjamin, Doug & Gary are in the audience
- Doug: Hi, question for Miss Bellamy. In episode 2F09 when Itchy plays Scratchy's skeleton like a xylophone, he strikes the same rib twice in succession yet he produces two clearly different tones. I mean, what are we to believe, that this is some sort of a, a magic xylophone or something? Boy, I really hope somebody got fired for that blunder.
- June Bellamy: Uh, well, uh...
- Homer: I'll field this one. Let me ask you a question. Why would a man whose T-shirt says "Genius at Work" spend all of his time watching a childrens' cartoon show?
- Doug: I withdraw my question.
- Database: Uh, excuse me Mr. Simpson, on the Itchy & Scratchy CD-ROM, is there a way to get out of the dungeon, without using the wizard's key?
- Homer: What the hell are you talking about?
- June: You're a life saver Homer, I can't deal with these hardcore fans.
- Comic Book Guy: Last nights Itchy & Scratchy was, without a doubt, the worst episode ever! Rest assured that I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.
- Bart: Hey I know it wasn't great, but what right do you have to complain?
- Comic Book Guy: As a loyal viewer I feel they owe me.
- Bart: What? They're giving you thousands of hours of entertainment for free. What could they possibly owe you, I mean if anything, you owe them.
- Comic Book Guy: Worst episode ever.
