Treehouse of Horror XVII/Quotes
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382
"Treehouse of Horror XVII"
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- Kent Brockman: It's blob rule on the streets of Springfield! And to make matters worse, we're being attacked by a 50-foot Lenny!
- 50-Foot Lenny: Everyone's paying attention to Homer.
- Carl: I still like you.
- 50-Foot Lenny: Thanks, Invisible Carl!
- Kodos: Colonel Kang, report.
- Kang: What a day. You said we'd be greeted as liberators.
- Kodos: Don't worry. We still have the people's hearts and minds. [Holds up a heart and brain.]
- Kang: I don't know. I'm starting to think "Operation: Enduring Occupation" was a bad idea.
- Kodos: We had to invade! They were working on weapons of mass disintegration!
- Kang: Sure, they were!
- [Bart writes a command on a piece of paper and sticks it in the golem's mouth, who walks up to a wall and puts his foot through it.]
- Bart: Can't you read my handwriting? I didn't say "Kick Homer's walls."
- [Homer walks up and the golem kicks him between the legs.]
- Female Golem: There's a latke bar downstairs.
- Chief Wiggum: Latke? What the hell's a latke?
- Female Golem: They're pan-fried...
- Chief Wiggum: Case dismissed!!
- [In "Married to the Blob," Homer happens upon an Oktoberfest festival while roaming through the streets of Springfield on an eating rampage.]
- Homer: [Gasps] Ooh. Beer-battered Germans.
- [The crowd screams and scatters as Homer eats a couple Germans.]
- German man: What did we Germans ever do to deserve this? [A second German man looks disapprovingly back at the other German.] [Realizing] Oh, right.
- [The two Germans dissolve inside of Homer's stomach.]
- Homer: [Zombie-like] Must eat more fat people. Thank God I'm in America.
- Mayor Quimby: We have nothing to fear but the aliens and their vastly superior killing technology!
- Orson Welles: The devastation is incredible! They're grinding up the bodies of human beings!
- Sound technician: [Uses a wisp to grind up cornflakes.]
- Orson Welles: Now they're riding horses in the rain!
- Sound technician: [Clacks coconut halves against a wooden board while pouring water into a tray.]
- Orson Welles: Now they're playing the xylophone while bowling near an airport.
- Sound technician: [Holds up sign reading "Screw you" and leaves.]
- Radio Announcer: Astronomers say the ominous capsules originated from Earth's closest neighbor.
- Homer: Flanders?
- Radio Announcer: Mars!
- Radio Announcer: We interrupt this dance music from Lamourian Roman Capital City's Fabulous Hotel Hitler to bring you a special bulletin.
- Homer: Hey, I'm not done dancing! This bulletin better swing!
- Grampa: I never thought it would come to this when I fought in the first World War.
- Lenny: First World War? Why do you keep calling it that?
- Grampa: Oh, you'll see!
- Golem: I feel so guilty! I've mangled and maimed 37 people and I told a telemarketer I was busy when I wasn't! I'm not a good man.
- Lisa: He sure is neurotic for a monster.
- Bart: Finally someone who does whatever I say!
- Milhouse: Hey, Bart. I shaved my head like you told me.
- Bart: Get lost!
- Milhouse: Yes, master!
- Kearney: Yo, Simpson. Give us your lunch money!
- Bart: Hmm... I don't think so. In fact, why don't you give me your lunch money?
- Dolph: Who's gonna make us? That golem?
- Bart: No, my gol—Yes, him.
- [In "Married to the Blob," Mayor Quimby entices a group of homeless men to enter the "new" homeless shelter.]
- Mayor Quimby: In you go, boys. We've got everything—warm beds, square meals, homeless women.
- [In "Married to the Blob," Dr. Phil and Homer's family try to intervene during an eating rampage.]
- Dr. Phil McGraw: Homer, your family's here. And you've gotta help me help them help you help me help you.
- Homer: Marge, I missed you. All this eating has put me in the mood for a little lovin' [Purrs sexily.]
- Marge: I have to be honest with you: I can't love a 4,000 ton cannibal.
- Homer: What happened to "for better or for worse?!"
- Bart: Dad, you're eating Dr. Phil.
- Homer: [Licks fingers.] It's amazing. He tastes just like Jeffery Tambor.
- [Dr. Phil can be seen grunting and struggling inside Homer's stomach.]
- Dr. Phil: Food does not equal love! [He perishes inside Homer's stomach.]
- [In "Married to the Blob," Dr. Phil confronts Homer during one of his eating rampages.]
- Dr. Phil: You've got a weight problem, and you know it!
- Homer: You're right. Starting tomorrow, no bread before dinner.
- Dr. Phil: Homer, don't sell me an outhouse and tell me it's a Taj Mahal!
- Chief Wiggum: Yeah, Homer, stop doing that!
- [In "Married to the Blob," as Homer wanders through Springfield looking for things to eat, he happens upon a beach party full of teenagers.]
- Homer: Ooh, teenagers! Mmm! [Gurgles and drools.] No, today's teens have enough problems without me eating them!
- Teenage Girl: Barbeque sauce fight!
- [All the teens start squirting each other with Barbeque sauce, Squeaky-voiced teen gets hit with some sauce and falls into a bonfire.]
- Squeaky-voiced teen: [Screaming] The flames are sealing in my juices!
- Homer: I'll savor you!
- [Homer grabs Squeaky-voiced teen and takes a bite out of him.]
- Homer: Mmm! Extra-virgin. [Gurgles and drools]
- [Homer starts stuffing Squeaky-voiced teen into his mouth.]
- Squeaky-voiced teen: [Screaming] Tell my friends I died kissing a girl!
- Homer: No!
- [Homer swallows Squeaky-voiced teen.]
- [In "Married to the Blob," after eating the green goo, Homer's stomach rumbles and he wakes up in a zombie-like trance.]
- Homer: Must eat, then poop, then eat some more, then eat while pooping. [Homer heads down to the kitchen and raids the refrigerator.] [Panting] Still hungry.
- [Bart stumbles into the kitchen to see what is going on.]
- Bart: Dad?
- Homer: Son, let me have a lick at you.
- [Homer stuffs Bart into his mouth and tries to eat him. Marge walks into the kitchen and clicks on the light.]
- Marge: Homer! You won't eat my stuffed peppers, but you'll eat our son?
- Homer: Nag, nag, nag.
- [Homer pulls a squirming Bart out of his mouth.]
- [In "Married to the Blob," a meteorite crashes in the Simpson family back yard and splits open, revealing a glowing green goo.]
- Homer: Whoo! A space marshmallow! [Plucks the goo with a stick and tries to eat the goo, which keeps trying to avoid Homer's mouth.] Uh? Where do you think you're going?
- Lisa: Dad, no! It could teach us the secret of interstellar travel.
- Homer: If he's so smart, how come he can't stay out of my mouth?
- [The goo struggles in Homer's mouth before finally being swallowed.]
- Marge: How could you eat that goo? You don't know what galaxy it's from.
- Homer: Marge, I ate it. It's over.
- [The goo tries to seep out of Homer's nose.]
- Homer: Whoa! Oh, no, you don't! [He repeatedly snorts the goo back into his nose.] If I can keep down Arby's, I can keep down you!
- [In "Married to the Blob," Marge and Homer cuddle in the hammock in the back yard.]
- Marge: Look! A shooting star!
- Homer: Hey, that's great. Let's look at it after. [Turns Marge's head for a kiss and while the two make out, the meteorite sears through Marge's hair and slams into the ground.]
- Marge: Whoa! That almost tore my head off.
- Homer: [Whining] Oh, you always find an excuse not to make out.
- [During the opening credits, Mr. Burns acts as the Crypt Keeper from Tales from the Crypt.]
- Mr. Burns: Hello, boils and ghouls. I am the crypt-keeper, or should I say master of scary-i-monie [Laughs]
- [Smithers interrupts Mr. Burn's opening speech.]
- Smithers: [Laughs] Priceless sir, you made the word ceremonies frightening.
- Mr. Burns: I know what I did. Urghh.
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