Kamp Krusty/Quotes
- Bart: "I dreamt it was the last day of school!"
- Homer: "Well, it is!"
- Bart: "How do I know this isn't some beautiful dream, too?"
- [Homer whacks Bart on the head with a newspaper.]
- Bart: "Ow! You know, a pinch is more traditional."
- Marge: "Homer, you do remember your promise to the children?"
- Homer: "Sure do. When you're 18, you're out the door!"
- Homer: "Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers."
- Miss Hoover: "Here are your final report cards. I have nothing left to say to any of you, so if nobody minds, let's just quietly run out the clock."
- Bart: "Mrs. Krabappel, if I don't get at least a 'C' average, I can't go to Kamp Krusty!"
- Mrs. Krabappel: "Have a 'D'-lightful summer."
- Teacher: [when the bells ring] "Wait a minute! You didn't learn how World War II ended!"
- [The class waits expectantly.]
- Teacher: "We won!"
- Class: [running out of the building cheering] "Yay! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!"
- Bart: "Well, Dad, here's my report card. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised."
- Homer: "'A+'!? You don't think much of me do you, boy?"
- Bart: "No, sir."
- Homer: "You know a 'D' turns into a 'B' so easily. You just got greedy."
- Bart: "So I won't get to go to camp?"
- Homer: "Now, Bart, we made this deal because I thought it would help you get good grades. And you didn't. But why should you pay for my mistake?"
- Bart: "You mean I can go?"
- Homer: "Yeah. I didn't want you hangin' around all summer anyway."
- Bart: "Oh, Dad! You're the best father a boy could ever have."
- Homer: "Thanks, son. Now, you've got little hands ... could you reach under the mower and pull out that skate?"
- Bart: "Hey, hands off my pickle!"
- Homer: "I don't see your name on it, boy!"
- Bart: "No, but--" [licks the pickle]
- Homer: "Oh, yeah? [dunks the pickle in his milk] Checkmate!"
- Bart: "Always thinking two moves ahead."
- Marge: "It's our last family dinner for six weeks. But I promised myself I wouldn't cry."
- [The others ignore her and continue to eat.]
- Marge: [crying] "Oh, I'm going to miss this."
- Marge: "Lisa, watch out for poison ivy. Remember, leaves of three, let it be."
- Homer: "Leaves of four, eat some more!" [Laughs]
- [The bus departs for Kamp Krusty with the kids on board.]
- Bart: "Don't look in my closet! In fact, stay out of my room all together."
- Lisa: "If the pets die, don't replace them, I'll know!"
- Mr. Black: "I'll take any questions you might have ... you? And then, um ... one more."
- Milhouse: "Can we call you Uncle Blackie?"
Mr. Black: "No. Last question."
- [The kids sit around a campfire of burning tires while the camp counselors (the school bullies) supervise.]
- Bart: "Don't we get to roast marshmallows?"
- Dolph: "Shut up and eat your pine cone!"
- [At the dock, Lisa hesitates to get into a battered-looking canoe bobbing around in rough waves.]
- Lisa: "Uh ... Are you sure that's safe?"
- Kearney: "Well, it ain't gettin' any safer!"
- [The canoe breaks apart and sinks.]
- [At dinnertime ... ]
- Lisa: "You're serving us gruel?"
- Dolph: "Not quite. This is Krusty Brand Imitation Gruel. Nine out of ten orphans can't tell the difference!"
Lisa: I feel like I'm gonna die, Bart.
Bart: We're all gonna die, Lis.
Lisa: I meant soon.
Bart: So did I.
Marge [about Lisa's frantic letter home]: She complains now, but when we go to pick her up, she won't want to leave.
Mr. Black: Well kids, I promised you a little treat in lieu of dinner, and here it is. The man who took an abandoned mule tannery, and turned it into a summer wonderland: Mr. Krusty the Klown!
(Instead of the real Krusty, it's a disheveled Barney Gumble in a crude disguise)
Mr. Black: Now I must tell you kids Krusty has laryngitis and a bad back so he won't be saying anything or doing anything.
Milhouse: Krusty looks fat!
Lisa: He's really having trouble keeping his balance!
Ralph: He's still funny, but not ha-ha funny!
Bart: (angry) That's not Krusty the Klown!!
(The other kids gasp)
Mr. Black: Well, what do you think? I slapped a clown suit on some wino? (laughs nervously)
Barney: Yeah Bart, I am so Crunchy the Clown! (belches)
Bart: All right, that's it! I've been scorched by Krusty before. I got a rapid heartbeat from his Krusty brand vitamins, my Krusty Kalculator didn't have a 7 or an 8, and Krusty's autobiography was self-serving with many glaring omissions. But this time, he's gone too far! WE WANT KRUSTY! (the other kids join in the chant) WE WANT KRUSTY! WE WANT KRUSTY!
Barney: Yeah! We want Crunchy! We want Crunchy!
Bart: My chunky brothers! Gorge yourselves at the trough of freedom!
Kent Brockman [about the chaos at Kamp Krusty]: Ladies and Gentlemen, I have been to Vietnam, Iraq and Afghanistan, and I can say without hyperbole that this is a million times worse than all of them put together. A group of school-aged Spartacuses have taken the camp by force. Three counsellors are missing, and presumed scared.
Homer [watching the report about Kamp Krusty on the news]: Don't be the boy, don't be the boy...
Bart: We want the whole world to know that this was a really crappy camp. [covers microphone with his hand] Can I say "crappy" on TV?
Kent: Yes, on this network you can.
Krusty: I'm no fake! I'm the real Krusty!
Lisa: Oh yeah!? Who played your daughter in the short-lived sitcom, "President Clown"?
Krusty: I don't know her name, but she held up a liquor store last year.
Bart: Krusty! This camp was a nightmare! They fed us gruel, they forced us to make wallets for export, and one of the campers was eaten by a bear!
Krusty: Oh my God!!
Bart: Well, actually, the bear just ate his hat.
Krusty: Was it a nice hat?
Bart: Oh yeah.
Krusty: Oh My God!!
Krusty: I'm taking you kids to the happiest place on Earth: Tijuana!
Homer: Marge, am I crazy or is my back getting hairier?
Lisa: (writing home) Dear Mom and Dad, I no longer fear hell, because I've been to Kamp Krusty.
Otto: All right! Three whole months of Spaghetti-O's and daytime TV!
