Bart the Lover/Quotes
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A depressed Edna Krabappel has ended her work day at Springfield Elementary and is doing errands. She first sees a car mechanic to see why her car is acting up. Mechanic tastes a substance from her gas tank.
Mechanic: Just as I thought, sugar! Your ex-husband has struck again.
Mrs. Krabappel buys goods at Kwik-E-Mart.
Apu: Would you like anything else?
Edna Krabappel: One Scratch & Win, Apu.
Edna Krabappel scratches off lottery ticket at counter.
Apu: So will you remain in teaching?
Edna scratches off ticket to reveal a losing combination of a lemon, a prune, and a cherry.
Edna Krabappel: At least until tomorrow.
Maude: Todd, would you like some mixed vegetables?
Todd: Hell no.
Flanders family gasps
Maude: What did you say?
Todd: I said I don't want any damn vegetables.
Ned: Alright, that is it young man. No Bible stories for you tonight.
Todd runs to his room crying.
Maude: Weren't you a little hard on him?
Ned: Well, you knew I had a temper when you married me.
Jimmy: "Hey, what gives?"
Jimmy's Dad: "You said you wanted to live in a world without zinc Jimmy. Well now your car has no battery."
Jimmy: "But I promised Betty I'd pick her up by 6:00. I better give her a call."
Jimmy's Dad: "Sorry Jimmy. Without zinc for the rotary mechanism, there are no telephones."
Jimmy: "Dear God! What have I done?"
(Jimmy pulls out a gun and points it to his head and fires)
Jimmy's Dad: "Think again Jimmy. You see the firing pin in your gun was made out of…yep…zinc."
Jimmy: "Come back zinc, Come Back!!"
Bart is watching an old-time black & white movie to get inspriration for his love letters.
Frenchman: A million poets working for a thousand years could not succeed at describing even ⅜ of your beauty.
Bart: Whoa! Slow down Frenchy, this stuff is gold!
Woodrow: "Truly, yours is a butt that won't quit."
Ned: "I'm talking about your potty-mouth."
Homer: "What the hell are you talking about?"
Ned: That is it. Your swearing is having a negative influence on my son.
Homer: Oh yeah? The nerve to think you can impose your ways on me! Well, I do not like...your mustache!
Ned: OK, fair is fair. Tell you what. If you get rid of the potty mouth then I will get rid of the soup-strainer. It is a deal!
Homer: Stupid Flanders, telling me I should not swear!
Marge: You know Homer, you have let a lot of colorful idioms fly loose, and I am worried it will be a bad influence on the kids.
Homer: Well, what am I supposed to do about it?
Marge: You could try one thing my parents did. When my father got out of the Navy he cussed a blue streak. So my mother set it up that every time he swore he had to deposit 25¢ into a swear jar. That broke his swearing!
Homer: "Damn crappy nails! Superglue my butt!"
Mrs. Krabappel [after the bell rings and the kids leave]: If anyone wants to learn more about zinc, they're welcome to stay. We can talk about anything. I'll do your homework for ya?
Ned [about Todd]: Is this all he watches?
Maude: Well, he used to watch Davey and Goliath, but he thought the idea of a talking dog was blasphemous.
Groundskeeper Willy: Don't you worry about your wee fish, lass. They're goin' to a better place. (flushes them down the toilet)
Mrs. Krabappel [reading] After two months at sea, the Pilgrims were running out of food and water. [Nelson raises his hand] Yes, Nelson.
Nelson: Did they have any have yo-yo's?
Mrs. Krabappel: No, they did not have yo-yo's. [continues reading] When they landed at Plymouth Rock, they were greeted by the friendly Wampanog Indians.
Milhouse: [raises his hand] Did the Indians have yo-yo's?
Mrs. Krabappel: No, they did not have yo-yo's! [slams book closed] That's it! [slams book onto her desk] I am getting sick and tired of talking about yo-yo's. From now on, I will not accept any book reports, science projects, dioramas, or anything else on yo-yo's or yo-yo-related topics. Am I making myself clear?
Bart: Yo!
Bart: Gross, he's picking his nose!
"Woodrow": Dearest Edna, I must leave you. Why, I cannot say. Where, you cannot know. How I will get there, I haven't decided yet. But one thing I can tell you, any time I hear the wind blow it will whisper the name Edna. And so let us part with a love that will echo through the ages. ---Woodrow
Marge: I bet we could buy a nice doghouse for $50.
Homer: [sigh] Marge, you're a tool of doghouse makers.
Marge: I am not!
Homer: Yes, you are. You've been brainwashed by all those doghouse commercials on TV.
Ned: Sorry to bother you, Reverend Lovejoy, but I'm kind of in a tizzy. My son Todd just told us he didn't want to eat his damn vegetables.
Rev. Lovejoy: Well, you know kids and vegetables. What was it, asparagus?
Ned: No, Reverend, the point is, he said a bad word!
Rev. Lovejoy: Oh, right, yeah. Well, kids usually pick these things stuff up from someplace. Find out who's doing it and…direct them to the Bible.
Ned: Where in the Bible?
Rev. Lovejoy: Uh…Page 900.
Ned: But Rev--
Rev. Lovejoy [hangs up; looks down at his melted dessert]: Damn Flanders.
Bart: Hey, Lis. A moment of your time.
Lisa: [stops playing her sax] Yeah?
Bart: Suppose I was writing my second letter to a girl, and I already used up my A-material. What should I say?
Lisa: [teases] Ooooh, could it be there's a special someone you're not telling me about? [puts down her sax and bats her eyelashes coyly]
Bart: Oh, please.
Lisa: Is it Sherri?
Bart: No.
Lisa: Is it Terri?
Bart: No!
Lisa: Is it that girl with the lazy eyepatch?
Bart: No!
Lisa: Is it that exchange student, M!pa?
Bart: No!! It's not for me. It's... homework.
Lisa: Sure it is. Hey Bart, [teasing, makes goo-goo eyes] let's do some homework! [closes her eyes, makes smacking noises and then puckers up slowly as if to kiss him]
Bart: [fed up, he pushes Lisa aside]
Bart: I can't help but feel partly responsible.
Ms. Krabappel: Bart, you're the closest thing to a man in my life. And that's so depressing, I think I'm going to cry. [cries]
Homer: Boy, you've got to go to your teacher and tell her the truth!
Marge: No, Homer, the truth will humiliate her!
Homer: Oh, Marge, I only said it because I thought that's what you wanted to hear!
Bart: How about, ``Crocodiles bit off my face."
Marge: That's disgusting! And besides, when a woman loves a man, it doesn't matter that a crocodiles bit off his face.
Homer: I may hold you to that, Marge.
- Homer: 3 simple words: I am gay.
- Marge: Homer, for the last time, I'm not putting that in.
Mrs. Krabappel: It's such a nice day today, let's have detention outside.
Bart: It's a date. [he takes her hand, and Mrs. Krabappel walk outside into the sunshine]
