Difference between revisions of "Holidays of Future Passed/Quotes"
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:'''[[Milhouse]]:''' Lis, I'm afraid my seasonal [[allergies]] are kicking in. | :'''[[Milhouse]]:''' Lis, I'm afraid my seasonal [[allergies]] are kicking in. | ||
| − | :'''[[Lisa]]:''' Aww. You poor thing. | + | :'''[[Lisa]]:''' Aww. You poor thing. This is a tough time of year for someone who's allergic to holly, mistletoe, the red part of candy canes... |
| − | :'''Milhouse:''' I can't believe we put a man on the sun but we can't stop my sneezing! ''(sneezes)'' | + | :'''Milhouse:''' I can't believe we put a man on the sun, but we can't stop my sneezing! ''(sneezes)'' |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :'''[[Homer]]:''' Oh [[Marge]], how would you like some future sex? | + | :'''[[Homer]]:''' Oh, [[Marge]], how would you like some future sex? |
:'''Marge:''' Why do you say future? This is now. | :'''Marge:''' Why do you say future? This is now. | ||
:'''Homer:''' I meant a week from tomorrow. That's when the new penis gets here. | :'''Homer:''' I meant a week from tomorrow. That's when the new penis gets here. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :'''Homer:''' Hey, I've got a B-Mail too! You have won a valuable prize. Open now. | + | :'''Homer:''' Hey, I've got a B-Mail, too! You have won a valuable prize. Open now. |
:'''Marge:''' Don't open it Homie. It's a virus. | :'''Marge:''' Don't open it Homie. It's a virus. | ||
:'''Homer:''' Too late. I- ''(starts to fit)'' | :'''Homer:''' Too late. I- ''(starts to fit)'' | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :'''Bart:''' I can't believe she got married, and I have no one. | + | :'''Bart:''' I can't believe she got married, and I have no one. It's so hard to find somebody new. |
:'''[[Ned Flanders]]:''' Sure is. That's why after Homer accidentally killed [[Edna Krabappel|Edna]], I married [[Maude Flanders|Maude's ghost]]. | :'''[[Ned Flanders]]:''' Sure is. That's why after Homer accidentally killed [[Edna Krabappel|Edna]], I married [[Maude Flanders|Maude's ghost]]. | ||
:'''Maude's ghost:''' There is no [[God]], Neddy. It's just an empty, meaningless void. | :'''Maude's ghost:''' There is no [[God]], Neddy. It's just an empty, meaningless void. | ||
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:'''Marge:''' And now [[Patty]] and [[Selma]] are here to help us decorate with their new [[Lovebots]]. | :'''Marge:''' And now [[Patty]] and [[Selma]] are here to help us decorate with their new [[Lovebots]]. | ||
| − | :'''Selma:''' ''(to her Lovebot)'' Make me a bloody Mary dollface. | + | :'''Selma:''' ''(to her Lovebot)'' Make me a bloody Mary, dollface. |
| − | :'''Selma's Lovebot:''' No Selma. Even a robot built only to love you, can not love you. I am leaving with your sister's Compudroid. | + | :'''Selma's Lovebot:''' No, Selma. Even a robot built, only to love you, can not love you. I am leaving with your sister's Compudroid. |
---- | ---- | ||
:''(Bart gets pulled over by a police car)'' | :''(Bart gets pulled over by a police car)'' | ||
:'''Bart:''' Naww. It's Chief Wiggum. | :'''Bart:''' Naww. It's Chief Wiggum. | ||
| − | :'''[[Ralph Wiggum]]:''' Hi Bart! | + | :'''[[Ralph Wiggum]]:''' Hi, Bart! |
| − | :'''Bart:''' Hey Ralph. I heard you died. | + | :'''Bart:''' Hey, Ralph. I heard you died. |
:'''Ralph:''' I got cloneded. ''(Ralph shoots himself in the head)'' | :'''Ralph:''' I got cloneded. ''(Ralph shoots himself in the head)'' | ||
| − | :'''Ralph clone 1:''' All right buddy, what's the hurry? | + | :'''Ralph clone 1:''' All right, buddy, what's the hurry? |
:''(Bart drives off. A lorry hits the Ralph clone)'' | :''(Bart drives off. A lorry hits the Ralph clone)'' | ||
:'''Ralph clone 2:''' Heh. That Ralph was stupid. | :'''Ralph clone 2:''' Heh. That Ralph was stupid. | ||
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:'''[[Moe]]:''' Yeah, I keep meaning to switch things around but this place is always a crime scene. | :'''[[Moe]]:''' Yeah, I keep meaning to switch things around but this place is always a crime scene. | ||
:'''Bart:''' Was my dad here? | :'''Bart:''' Was my dad here? | ||
| − | :'''Moe:''' Ah, yes. Since he don't drink he just comes here to see [[Lenny]] and [[Carl]]. | + | :'''Moe:''' Ah, yes. Since he don't drink, he just comes here to see [[Lenny]] and [[Carl]]. |
| − | :'''Bart:''' ''(to Lenny's body)'' Hey Lenny. | + | :'''Bart:''' ''(to Lenny's body)'' Hey, Lenny. |
:'''Carl:''' ''(in Lenny's body)'' I'm Carl. | :'''Carl:''' ''(in Lenny's body)'' I'm Carl. | ||
:'''Lenny:''' ''(in Carl's body)'' Don't you remember, you came to the brain switching ceremony. | :'''Lenny:''' ''(in Carl's body)'' Don't you remember, you came to the brain switching ceremony. | ||
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:'''Homer:''' Dad, these are your great grandsons. | :'''Homer:''' Dad, these are your great grandsons. | ||
| − | :'''[[Abraham Simpson]]:''' Ehh. I don't see what's so great about them. And Homer, you're still a big disappointment because- | + | :'''[[Abraham Simpson]]:''' Ehh. I don't see what's so great about them. And, Homer, you're still a big disappointment because- |
:'''Homer:''' See you next [[Christmas]]. ''(Homer re-freezes Grampa)'' | :'''Homer:''' See you next [[Christmas]]. ''(Homer re-freezes Grampa)'' | ||
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:''(Zia emerges from the Online Chemistry Midterm vial)'' | :''(Zia emerges from the Online Chemistry Midterm vial)'' | ||
:'''Lisa:''' I was worried. I thought I would find-- | :'''Lisa:''' I was worried. I thought I would find-- | ||
| − | :'''Zia:''' What, me flashing my boobs on unripemelons. com? | + | :'''Zia:''' What, me flashing my boobs on unripemelons.com? |
:'''Lisa:''' What? No. It doesn't matter what I thought. I'm sorry I spied on you. But what I found is, my daughter looks up to me. | :'''Lisa:''' What? No. It doesn't matter what I thought. I'm sorry I spied on you. But what I found is, my daughter looks up to me. | ||
:'''Zia:''' Well, of course I do. I look up to both my parents. | :'''Zia:''' Well, of course I do. I look up to both my parents. | ||
:''(Milhouse appears)'' | :''(Milhouse appears)'' | ||
| − | :'''Milhouse:''' Could somebody FedEx me a prayer mat? And quick! ( | + | :'''Milhouse:''' Could somebody FedEx me a prayer mat? And quick! ''(disappears)'' |
| − | :'''Zia:''' But I especially look up to you. (She and Lisa | + | :'''Zia:''' But I especially look up to you. ''(She and Lisa hug, then a door opens; a party is going on and Zia closes the door)'' |
| − | |||
{{Season 23|Q}} | {{Season 23|Q}} | ||
Revision as of 15:46, April 14, 2020
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- Seymour Skinner: You're two weeks late on the rent, Bart. Not to mention that geography report from 30 years ago.
- Bart: Don't worry. I've got some buyers coming over to look at my good kidney. They grow back, right?
- Skinner: Just get me that rent, or you'll be expelled.
- Bart: You mean evicted?
- Skinner: Mhmm.
- Bart: (thinking) Hahaha. I'll just dump them at my mom's.
- Skippy Simpson: You know, we can hear thoughts now!
- Bart: Dammit!
- Milhouse: Lis, I'm afraid my seasonal allergies are kicking in.
- Lisa: Aww. You poor thing. This is a tough time of year for someone who's allergic to holly, mistletoe, the red part of candy canes...
- Milhouse: I can't believe we put a man on the sun, but we can't stop my sneezing! (sneezes)
- Homer: Oh, Marge, how would you like some future sex?
- Marge: Why do you say future? This is now.
- Homer: I meant a week from tomorrow. That's when the new penis gets here.
- Homer: Hey, I've got a B-Mail, too! You have won a valuable prize. Open now.
- Marge: Don't open it Homie. It's a virus.
- Homer: Too late. I- (starts to fit)
- Bart: I can't believe she got married, and I have no one. It's so hard to find somebody new.
- Ned Flanders: Sure is. That's why after Homer accidentally killed Edna, I married Maude's ghost.
- Maude's ghost: There is no God, Neddy. It's just an empty, meaningless void.
- Ned: Hehe. Isn't she pretty?
- Marge: And now Patty and Selma are here to help us decorate with their new Lovebots.
- Selma: (to her Lovebot) Make me a bloody Mary, dollface.
- Selma's Lovebot: No, Selma. Even a robot built, only to love you, can not love you. I am leaving with your sister's Compudroid.
- (Bart gets pulled over by a police car)
- Bart: Naww. It's Chief Wiggum.
- Ralph Wiggum: Hi, Bart!
- Bart: Hey, Ralph. I heard you died.
- Ralph: I got cloneded. (Ralph shoots himself in the head)
- Ralph clone 1: All right, buddy, what's the hurry?
- (Bart drives off. A lorry hits the Ralph clone)
- Ralph clone 2: Heh. That Ralph was stupid.
- (the lorry crashes into a building. Several Ralph clones fall out the back on fire)
- Ralph clones: (screams of pain)
- (Bart enters Moe's Tavern)
- Bart: Wow. This place hasn't changed a bit.
- Moe: Yeah, I keep meaning to switch things around but this place is always a crime scene.
- Bart: Was my dad here?
- Moe: Ah, yes. Since he don't drink, he just comes here to see Lenny and Carl.
- Bart: (to Lenny's body) Hey, Lenny.
- Carl: (in Lenny's body) I'm Carl.
- Lenny: (in Carl's body) Don't you remember, you came to the brain switching ceremony.
- Bart: Right, what was the point again?
- Lenny: Because I wanted to get back together with my wife who was sleeping with Carl at the time.
- Carl: Turns out she had switched brains with a monkey on a Japanese game show, and it just got weirder from there.
- Lenny: Ah, I found it quite normal. Anyway, if you're looking for your dad, he took the kids to see his dad.
- Bart: Thanks.
- Carl: Hey, Moe, get me another beer.
- Lenny: Quit making me fat!
- Homer: He froze himself because he was sick and there was no cure.
- Jiff Simpson: Are they working on one?
- Homer: Oh, they found one. But don't tell him. This is way cheaper than a nursing home.
- Homer: Dad, these are your great grandsons.
- Abraham Simpson: Ehh. I don't see what's so great about them. And, Homer, you're still a big disappointment because-
- Homer: See you next Christmas. (Homer re-freezes Grampa)
- Homer: Everyone thinks their dad's a jerk. And everyone's right. But, when you get older, you realize how much you love them. Your dad may be a little bit immature, but I know he loves you. So, you ought to give him a chance.
- Bart: Boys, I've acted like a ten year old for the last thirty years and I swear to you, I will grow up and act like a twenty year old, the way a divorced forty year old should.
- Bart's youngest child: You're gonna have to do better than that.
- Bart: Boys, I'm a deadbeat dad, I live in a school, it's Christmas. The only thing worth anything in my life is you.
- Bart's eldest child: Oh, dad.
- Bart's youngest child: You've taught us the meaning of Christmas. Which schools are forbidden to tell us anymore.
- (Lisa enters Zia's Ultranet room)
- Zia: Mom? Why are you here?
- (Zia emerges from the Online Chemistry Midterm vial)
- Lisa: I was worried. I thought I would find--
- Zia: What, me flashing my boobs on unripemelons.com?
- Lisa: What? No. It doesn't matter what I thought. I'm sorry I spied on you. But what I found is, my daughter looks up to me.
- Zia: Well, of course I do. I look up to both my parents.
- (Milhouse appears)
- Milhouse: Could somebody FedEx me a prayer mat? And quick! (disappears)
- Zia: But I especially look up to you. (She and Lisa hug, then a door opens; a party is going on and Zia closes the door)
