Difference between revisions of "Chalkboard gag"

Revision as of 19:20, March 6, 2007

During the opening credits, Bart is usualy featured writing a phrase on a green chalkboard over and over as punishment after class.

List of Chalkboard Gags

• I will not waste chalk
• I will not skateboard in the halls
• I will not burp in class
• I will not instigate revolution
• I will not draw naked ladies in class
• I did not see Elvis
• I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes"
• Garlic gum is not funny
• They are laughing at me, not with me
• I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom
• I will not encourage others to fly
• I will not fake my way through life
• Tar is not a plaything
• I will not Xerox my butt
• It's potato, not potatoe
• I will not trade pants with others
• I am not a 32 year old woman
• I will not do that thing with my tongue
• I will not drive the principal's car
• I will not pledge allegiance to Bart
• I will not sell school property
• I WILL NOT CUT CORNERS

"  "   "   "   "   "
"  "   "   "   "   "

• I will not get very far with this attitude
• I will not make flatuent noises in class
• I will not belch the National Anthem
• I will not sell land in Florida
• I will not grease the monkey bars
• I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment
• I will not do anything bad ever again
• I will not show off (written in an Old English font)
• I will not sleep through my education
• I am not a dentist
• Spitwads are not free speech
• Nobody likes sunburn slappers
• High explosives and school don't mix
• I will not bribe Principal Skinner
• I will not squeak chalk (Bart squeaks the chalk)
• I will finish what I sta (appears on only one line)
• "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender
• I will not fake rabies (only shown in Canada)
• Underwear should be worn on the inside
• The Christmas Pageant does not stink
• I will not torment the emotionally frail
• I will not carve gods
• I will not spank others
• I will not aim for the head
• I will not barf unless I'm sick
• I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty (Lisa claps erasers)
• I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge
• I will not conduct my own fire drills
• Funny noises are not funny
• I will not spin the turtle
• I will not snap bras
• I will not fake seizures
• This punishment is not boring and pointless
• My name is not Dr. Death
• I will not defame New Orleans
• I will not prescribe medication
• I will not bury the new kid
• I will try to raise a better child (Marge during a episode)
• I will not teach others to fly
• I will not bring sheep to class
• A burp is not an answer
• Teacher is not a leper
• Coffee is not for kids (each line becomes less legible and the last line is a scrawl)
• I will not eat things for money
• I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call
• The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee
• I will not call the principal "spud head"
• Goldfish don't bounce
• Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
• No one is interested in my underpants
• I will not sell miracle cures
• I will return the seeing-eye dog
• I do not have diplomatic immunity
• I will not charge admission to the bathroom
• I will never win an Emmy
• The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy
• All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy (not written line by line, like the one sentence story in 'The Shining')
• I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause
• I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
• My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man
• I will not go near the kindergarten turtle
• I am not delightfully saucy
• Organ transplants are best left to the professionals
• The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan
• I will not celebrate meaningless milestones (the 100th episode)
• There are plenty of businesses like show business
• I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball
• Five days is not too long to wait for a gun
• Beans are neither fruit nor musical
• I will not use abbrev.
• I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr.
• I will not send lard through the mail
• I will not dissect things unless instructed
• I will not whittle hall passes out of soap
• Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough
• Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal
• "Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice
• Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does
• Next time it could be me on the scaffolding
• I will not hang donuts on my person
• I will remember to take my medication
• I will not strut around like I own the place
• I will only do this once a year
• The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far
• I do not have power of attorney over first graders
• Nerve gas is not a toy
• I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface
• The First Amendment does not cover burping
• This is not a clue...or is it? (there are clues that are supposed to reveal who shoots Mr. Burns)
• I will not complain about the solution when I hear it (the shooter is revealed)
• "Bewitched" does not promote Satanism
• No one wants to hear from my armpits
• I am not a lean mean spitting machine
• The boys room is not a water park
• Indian burns are not our cultural heritage
• Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things
• I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist
• I am not certified to remove asbestos
• I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten
• I am not my long-lost twin
• I will not be a snickerpuss. (Lisa during episode)
• The truth is not out there
• I am not licensed to do anything
• I will not hide the teacher's Prozac
• A fire drill does not demand a fire
• I no longer want my MTV
• Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story
• I did not invent Irish dancing
• I will not tease Fatty
• There was no Roman god named "Fartacus"
• Rudolph's red nose is not alcohol-related
• Shooting paintballs is not an art form
• Pain is not the cleanser
• Silly String is not a nasal spray
• I was not told to do this
• My butt does not deserve a website
• I will not demand what I'm worth
• I will not mess with the opening credits (appeared in place of the couch gag, the rest of the family runs into the classroom)
• I am not the new Dalai Lama
• I was not the inspiration for "Kramer"
• I will not file frivolous lawsuits
• The Simpsons Halloween Special IX (painted in blood with a brush)
• "butt.com" is not my E-mail address (censored to '"butt.butt" is not my E-mail address')
• No one cares what my definition of "is" is
• I will not scream for ice cream
• I am not a licensed hairstylist
• "The President did it" is not an excuse
• My mom is not dating Jerry Seinfeld
• Sherri does not "got back"
• I will not do the Dirty Bird
• No one wants to hear about my sciatica
• Hillbillies are people too
• Grammar is not a time of waste
• It does not suck to be you
• I cannot absolve sins
• I Well Knot D-Face (Bart in hieroglyphics during episode)
• A trained ape could not teach gym
• Loose teeth don't need my help
• I have neither been there nor done that
• I'm so very tired
• Fridays are not "pants optional"
• Pork is not a verb
• I am not the last Don
• I did not win the Nobel Fart Prize
• I won't not use no double negatives
• I can't see dead people
• I will not sell my kidney on eBay
• I will not do math in class (Lisa during episode)
• I will not create art from dung
• I will stop phoning it in
• Class clown is not a paid position
• Substitute teachers are not scabs
• My suspension was not "mutual"
• A belch is not an oral report
• Dodgeball stops at the gym door
• "Non-Flammable" is not a challenge
• I was not touched "there" by an angel
• I am not here on a fartball scholarship
• I will not dance on anyone's grave
• I cannot hire a substitute student
• I will not obey the voices in my head
• I will not plant subliminal messagores
• I will not surprise the incontinent
• I am not the acting President
• I was not the sixth Beatle
• I will only provide a urine sample when asked
• The nurse is not dealing
• Science class should not end in tragedy
• I ain't not a dorkus (Skinner during episode)
• Network TV is not dead
• I will not "let the dogs out"
• I will not hide the teacher's medication
• I will not publish the Principal's credit report
• The hamster did not have "a full life"
• I will not buy a Presidential pardon
• "Temptation Island" was not a sleazy piece of crap
• I will not scare the Vice President
• I will not flush evidence
• Fire is not the cleanser
• Genetics is not an excuse
• Today is not Mothra's day
• I should not be twenty-one by now
• Nobody reads these anymore
• A burp in a jar is not a science project
• Fun does not have a size
• I am not Charlie Brown on acid
• I do not have a cereal named after me
• I will not bite the hand that feeds me Butterfingers
• The giving tree is not a chump
• Making Milhouse cry is not a science project
• Vampire is not a career choice
• I will never lie about being cancelled again
• Fish do not like coffee
• Milhouse did not test cootie positive
• This school does not need a "regime change"
• SpongeBob is not a contraceptive
• I will not (chops up blackboard with axe)
• My pen is not a booger launcher
• Sandwiches should not contain sand
• Over forty & single is not funny
• I will not speculate on how hot teacher used to be
• Poking a dead raccoon is not research
• Beer in a milk carton is not milk
• (instead of a chalkboard Bart is at a vending machine)
• A booger is not a bookmark
• Does any kid still do this anymore?
• I am not smarter than the President
• Teacher was not dumped -- it was mutual
• I will not laminate dog doo (live-action)
• I will not flip the classroom upside down (classroom was flipped upside-down)
• I will not leak the plot of the movie
• Je ne parle pas Français
• Have a great summer, everyone
• A baby beat me up (Skinner in episode)
• We are not all naked under our clothes
• Frankincense is not a monster
• So Long Suckers (Bart during episode)