Difference between revisions of "Radio Bart/Quotes"

Revision as of 17:25, September 17, 2010

[Looking for a snack, Homer finds several containers of Neapolitan ice cream in the freezer.] Homer: [in anticipation] "Mmmm ... chocolate!"

[Homer opens the container and the chocolate ice cream is all gone. The strawberry and vanilla, however, are completely untouched.]

Homer: "D'oh! [tries another container] Mmmm...chocolate! [same results] D'oh!"

[Homer checkes the rest of the containers and they're all the same: Chocolate all gone and strawberry and vanilla untouched.]

Homer: [hollering] "Marge! We need some more vanilla, chocolate and strawberry ice cream!"

[Bart plays his first prank with the Superstar Celebrity Microphone. The victim is Homer.]

Bart: [on radio] "People of Earth, this is Bartron, commander of the Martian invasion force. Your planet is in our hands. Resistance is useless. We have captured your President. He was delicious!"

[Homer screams, runs out of the kitchen, and fetches a shotgun.]

[Bart and his microphone strike again. This time the victims are Rod and Todd Flanders.]

Bart: [on radio] "Rod! Todd! This is God!"

Rod: "How did you get on the radio?"

Bart: "Whaddya mean, 'How did I get on the radio?' I created the universe! Stupid kid."

[Rod and Todd quickly fall to their kness and clasp their hands.]

Todd: "Forgive my brother, we believe you!"

Bart: "Talk is cheap. Here is a test of your faith. Walk through the wall; I will remove it for you!"

[Rod makes the attempt and walks into the wall.]

Bart: "Later." [laughs]

Todd: "What do you want from us?"

Bart: "I got a job for you. Bring forth all the cookies from your kitchen and leave them on the Simpsons' porch."

Rod: "But those cookies belong to our parents!"

Bart: [grumbles] "Look, do you want a happy God or a vengeful God?"

Todd: [quickly] "Happy God!"

Bart: "Then quit flapping your lip and make with the cookies!"

Rod and Todd: "Yes, sir!"

[After hearing Timmy O'Toole's voice in the well, Groundskeeper Willie leaps onto his tractor and drives to town for help.]

Willie: [cutting several cars off] "Outta my way! Look out, ya horse’s ass!"

[In an interview with Kent Brockman, Krusty the Clown tells the story of the making of "We're Sending Our Love Down the Well."]

Krusty: "I called my good friend Sting. He said, 'Krusty, when do you need me?' I said, 'Thursday.' He said, 'I'm busy Thursday.' I said, 'What about Friday?' He said, 'Friday's worse than Thursday.' Then he said, 'How about Saturday?' I said, 'Fine.' True story!"

[After falling into the well, Bart confesses his prank to Springfield Police officers Lou and Eddie.]

Bart: "Look, I'll level with you. There is no Timmy 'O Toole. It was just a prank I was playing on everybody."

Lou: "Well you sure fooled us, kid."

Eddie: "Hey, I've got an idea for a prank. Let’s go home and go to sleep."

[They laugh and walk away, leaving Bart in the well.]

[On Channel 6 News, Kent Brockman interviews Homer and Marge about Bart's being stuck in the well.]

Kent: "The time has come for finger-pointing, and most of them are squarely aimed at the boy's parents."

Homer: "It's not our fault! We didn't want the boy, he was an accident!"

Marge: [indignantly] "Homer!!!"

Homer: "Uh ... Could you edit that last part out?"

Kent: "Mr. Simpson, we're live, coast-to-coast!"

Homer: "D'oh!"

[Led by Homer, a group of townspeople work to dig Bart out of the well after the city of Springfield refuses to help.]

Barney: "Hey! A dead bird!"

Moe: "Out of the well!"

[Everyone runs out of the well in panic. Dr. Hibbert performs a quick autopsy on the dead bird.]

Dr. Hibbert: "Gentlemen, this bird died of natural causes."

Moe: "Back in the well!"

[Also joining in the effort to rescue Bart is Sting.]

Marge: "Sting, you look tired. Maybe you should take a rest."

Sting: "Not while one of my fans needs me."

Marge: "Actually, I don't know if I've ever heard Bart play one of your albums."

Homer: [shushing Marge] "Sssshhhh!! Marge, he's a good digger!"

Lisa: Dad, can I have some money to buy Bart a birthday present?

Homer: Here you go.

Lisa: (counts the money) Dad, this is $110!

Homer: Oh, sorry. (gives her his whole wallet)

Falcon Man: Grasping the child firmly in his talons, Socrates here will fly him to safety! Just watch. (The falcon is released and flies away) I don't think he's coming back.

Chief Wiggum: I'm afraid we've got a budget problem, Marge. Your boy picked a bad time to fall down a well. If he had done it at the beginning of the fiscal year, no problemo.

Homer: That little Timmy is a real hero.

Lisa: What makes him a hero dad?

Homer: Well, he fell down the well and ... can't get out.

Lisa: How does that make him a hero?

Homer: Well, it's more than you did!

Bart: [at the barber shop, getting a shave] Digital audio tape, my butt! When I was a kid, we had compact disks, and I don't recall no one complaining.

Barber: Damn right.

Homer: Don't worry, son. Just 'cuz you're trapped in a hole doesn't mean you can't live a rich and full life.