Difference between revisions of "Homer vs. the Raccoon II/Quotes"

Revision as of 13:25, August 21, 2026

Homer: Heh-heh. I'm a genius. The raccoon can't get the trash now!

Marge: Homer... ...We can't drive like this! You can't keep the garbage in the backseat of the car!

Homer: Hey, I'm not an idiot. The trash is in the backseat, the garbage is in the trunk.

Marge: We can't live like this.

Homer: Well, if you have a better way to keep the raccoon out of our trash, I'd like to hear it.

Lisa: I'll help you, Dad, but only if you promise to use humane methods.

Homer: Humane? Oh. Are clubs considered humane?

Lisa: No!

Homer: All right, we'll try it your way.

Homer: Aw, this trap stinks! Why couldn't we get the one with the spikes?

Lisa: Dad, it's a humane trap. It's non-lethal so the raccoon doesn't get hurt.

Homer: Pfft. Why don't I just build him a house while I'm at it?

Homer: Heh-heh-heh! Take that raccoon! Now it's off to Springfield Animal Control! No more pork chops where you'll be goin' and-- Don't look at me like that. I know using a pork chop as bait was low. I was getting pretty hungry, too. That's just the way I like to eat them too. With my hands. Aw, how can I turn you in?

Marge: Homer! If you have to adopt the raccoon, can't he stay outside with the trash?

Homer: But, Marge, that raccoon is like family to me now. Besides, you don't want to get him upset. His bite could give you rabies. And he loves to bite people.