Difference between revisions of "Harvest of Fear/Quotes"

Latest revision as of 17:46, August 4, 2026

Bart: Jumpin' Jimmy Carter! What's this!? It looks like one of those cool old E.C. horror comics, but there's something wrong... like it was drawn by a bunch of talentless psychos!

Snake Jailbird: Good eye, little man! That's an E.C knockoff! Y'see, the E.C. horror comics were so successful that they spawned hordes of imitators. E.C. had already hired all the best artists -- Jack Davis, Ghastly Ingels -- so the imitators had to use second-stringers... guys like Milton Gruntle and Slim Davenport and Jeremy Dosh... "Harvest of Fear" was published by Whoop-De-Doo, the worst of the worst. By the time they jumped on the horror bandwagon even the third-raters had been hired by the other publishers, so they had to raid the sanitariums for broken-down old alcoholic hacks who hadn't worked for years!

Bart: Yeah, this stuff does look pretty shaky!

Snake: Shaky? Dude, it's positively convulsive! But some connoisseurs like it better than the E.C. stuff because it doesn't just play at being messed up, it is messed up!

Bart: Well, it looks good for a few laughs. I'll take it!

Hans Moleman: How did all my furniture get out here on the lawn!? Where's my chifforobe!?

Snake: Ha! That's my cue to exit! Later, old man!

Joey: J-Johnny! What are you d-doing?

Johnny: Just having a little fun with this turtle!

Timmy: Oh gosh, I think I'm gonna throw up!

Joey: You opened it, Johnny, you opened it!

Timmy: Oh gosh! What did you do that for, Johnny?

Johnny: I was curious, that's all. I just wanted to see what was inside it!

Joey: What did you think was inside it, Johnny?

Johnny: I dunno. A harmonica, or maybe a calendar!

Timmy: That... that was a bad thing to do, Johnny!

Johnny: Bad, schmad! Who cares?! It was just a dumb old turtle!

Timmy: Gosh, Johnny, don't you got no conscience?!

Joey: My dad's a psychiatrist, and he says you're a sociopath!

Johnny: Sociopath?! What's that?!

Joey: I dunno, but it sounds about right!

Johnny: Well, who cares what your dad thinks? My dad can beat him up easy!

Timmy: Gosh! Joey's dad is in a wheelchair, Johnny!

Johnny's mother: Johnny, are you comfortable in your skin?

Johnny: Uh...

Johnny's mother: I mean, do you think your skin could feel more comfortable?

Johnny: Uh...

Johnny's mother: Did you ever notice the potholders, Johnny? How pleasant they are to touch! How nice their quilted surfaces feel! Have you ever wished you had skin like a potholder, Johnny?

Johnny: No, Ma.

Johnny's mother: No what, Johnny?

Johnny: No way, Ma.

Johnny's sister: Oh, Johnny, you don't know anything. You're just a dumb old boy.

Johnny: Don't start, sis. I ain't in the mood!

Johnny's sister: No, sis, don't tease Johnny, or he won't be relaxed.

Johnny's sister: I'm sorry, Johnny.

Marge: Lisa, will you go get Bart? He's late for breakfast!

Lisa: Bart's a parasite. Let him starve.

Marge: Oh, there you are, sweetie! Hungry?

Bart: Uhhhh...

Lisa: Bart, what's wrong? You look like 7734 upside down!

Bart: Too early for math... didn't sleep so good...

Marge: Well, I know what you need! A nice big bowl of... BRUTALLY QUILTED FLESH!

Bart: Whatwhatwhatwhatwhat?!

Kid: Gosh! Look at all this stuff!

Mr. Stokes: Yes, I'm a collector. I... I collect many things!

Kid: You could open a store with all this stuff!

Mr. Stokes: I had a store once. Didn't like the business. Got old quick. I like my... uh... new work much better!

Kid: Well, can I buy some comics and go, please?

Mr. Stokes: Why, certainly! They're in this room!

Kid: Why did you buy up all the comics in town anyway, mister?

Mr. Stokes: Oh, uh, er... well, you know, it's bait... for new friends... uh...

Kid: Gosh, it's dark! I can't see a doggone thing!

Mr. Stokes: Oh, well then... I'll just... heh... turn on the light!

Kid: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Mort Hopper: Yeah, I don't doubt it. Well, here's the thing about that comic...

Bart: Yessssss?!

Mort Hopper: The way it ends... the kid sees a monster. Just a run of the mill horror comic monster. Nothing special.

Bart: Huh?! Then why did you go to all the trouble to cut that page out of every issue?

Mort Hopper: Because... because I knew it would drive brats like you crazy... and that you would come crawling around to find out how it ended!

Bart: A-and you wanted that why?

Mort Hopper: I'll show you why!!!!