Difference between revisions of "VSI: Valentine Scene Investigators/Quotes"

Latest revision as of 10:42, May 29, 2026

Lisa: Valentine's Day stinks! Everyone else has a valentine except me!

Bart: Cheer up, Lis. There's a few hours left before school lets out. You'll probably get something before the end of the day.

Lisa: Yeah right. Why would this year be any different than last? Look, Bart! It's a card for me!!! Can you believe it, Bart? Could someone actually want me to be their Valentine?

Bart: It's either that or they put the card in the wrong Lisa's locker!

Lisa: There's no time to waste! If I'm going to learn my valentine's true identity before the end of the day, I have to get to work right away! It's time to break out my Junior Crime Scene Investigation Kit, complete with mirror sunglasses, windbreaker, and electrode wand that illuminates evidence and doubles as a night-lite! What do you say, Bart? Are you on the case with me?

Bart: Love to, but if I'm late for Miss Krabappel's class one more time, it'll be me you find lying in a chalk outline! Later, Lis!

Lisa: Then I'll need to organize a team of investigators who can be easily bribed to help me find my mystery man...

Lisa: This is it: the only piece of evidence to sniff out my Valentine. It will take all of our talent, resources, and fortitude to solve this mystery. Can we do it?

Groundskeeper Willie: Beats cleaning toilets.

Lunchlady Doris: Or making tomorrows lunch.

nelson Muntz: Anything is better than sitting in class!

Kearney Zzyzwicz: Indian rug burns? Sure, the day's not complete unless we've given one to some dork!

Lisa: So who was your victim today?

Dolph Shapiro: Well, there was the usual top o' the morning burn for Van Houten...

Lunchlady Doris: I compared the stains in your card to my sauces and determined that it's definitely the jambalaya!

Lisa: Do you keep records of what kid chooses what sauce daily?

Lunchlady Doris: What kind of lunchlady would I be if I didn't?

Lisa: ...Martin Prince! Are you my secret Valentine?

Martin Prince: Lisa, as much as it would please me to say yes, I'm afraid I've barely left the gym since I came to school this morning.

Lisa: They won't let me into fourth grade until I pass the Presidential Fitness Test, and the only way to do that is by doing a single pull-up, which I still can't do!

Lisa: Well then who the heck wrote this stupid card?!?

Bart: It was me, Lis...

Lisa: Bart?! But you're my brother! I can't be your Valentine!!!

Bart: No duh! But I couldn't let you be the only person in school who didn't have a Calentine... again! So I did what any decent big brother would do!

Nelson: But how do you explain your ruddy handwriting?

Bart: How soon we forget? You gave this Indian rug burn to me this morning on the bus!

Lunchlady Doris: What about the jambalaya meatloaf? You didn't order that!

Bart: No, but I was writing Lisa's card in the cafeteria, and when Martin tripped in the lunchroom, the jambalaya sauce splattered inside the card.

Nelson: Haw Haw! Bart loves Lisa! They're each other's Valentines!

Bart: Okay, now things are much worse.

Lisa: Another Valentine's Day to forget!