Difference between revisions of "Springfield Up/Quotes"

Revision as of 08:44, April 28, 2021

Declan Desmond: Oh, hello! Thirty-two years ago I interviewed a group of Springfield school-children. These children ran the gamut of society: rich and poor, black and white, "he'll grow into his looks" and "forever hideous."

11-Year-Old-Moe: My Dad was a circus freak but my Mom don't remember which one. I like to think it was a little bit of all of them.

Declan: Every eight years I revisited those children, creating a cinematic chronicle of their lives. Join me, won't you, to see dreams dissolve like a muffin in the rain, in: Growing Up Springfield!

Declan: So, Lenny, what have we here?

8-Year-Old Lenny: My daddy said I can have any birthday party I want. My cake will be a picture of a dinosaur and all the guests will say, "Why, Lenny, that's a fine cake!" Then, "yes," I'll say.

Declan: I decided not to waste anymore film on him after that.

8-Year-Old Carl: I wish for world peace.

8-Year-Old Barney: I wish for world war.

8-Year-Old Carl: Oh yeah, that would be cooler.

8-Year-Old Homer: I wish when I grow up, I'll be richer than everybody!

[the other children laugh at Homer]

8-Year-Old Homer: I will! I will be rich! I'll own a football team and a basketball team and I'll make them play baseball!

Chief Wiggum: And here we are in now-times. As you can see, I have gotten everything I've ever wanted.

Lou: Except pants that fit.

Chief Wiggum: I told you that if I let you into this movie, you couldn't make fun of me.

Lou: I'm not makin' fun of you. I'm makin' fun of your pants.

Chief Wiggum: How'd you like it if I made fun of your pants?

Lou: Go ahead.

Chief Wiggum: They're a little, uh... they're-they're, they-aw, they're perfect.

8-Year-Old Homer: When I grow up, I'll have a giant mansion, my own pinball machine with infinity quarters, eight pairs of peanut butter and jelly pajamas. How many wishes do I have left?

Declan: None. You never had any. I'm not a genie.

8-Year-Old Homer: D'oh!

Declan: Don't look at me, look at the camera.

8-Year-Old Homer: Got it.

Declan: I said, look at the camera.

8-Year-Old Homer: No problem.

Declan: Now you're looking at a mud puddle. That's your hand. That's the production accountant. That's your other hand. Do you even know what a camera is?

8-Year-Old Homer: Why, of cour-- No.

Declan: Homer had found a peanut of hope in his Cracker Jack box of despair...

Declan: I can't believe it. Homer Simpson... a bloody millionaire!

Homer: Why do you sound so shocked? This is our fifth take.

[Bart and Lisa ride in on dolphins]

Bart: Mine has a cup holder!

Lisa: Bart, that's a blowhole!

Bart: You're a blowhole!

[the dolphin starts to sink]

Bart: No, boy! Up, up, up!

Declan: Well Marge, you must be proud of your "Homie".

Marge: Oh yes. I'm so proud, I feel my chest might burst. Can you edit that? I don't wanna say "chest" in a movie.

Declan: You said it and it stays!

Homer: You see Declan, I made my millions with a simple invention -- the Condiment Pen! Just click the buttons at the top and you can choose from ketchup, mustard, mayo, and relish. [whispers loudly] I got the idea from the regular pen.

Declan: Can I use it on fish and chips?

Homer: I don't know. You can put horseradish on your dead mother for all I care.

Professor Frink: I give you the Chrono Trike! Now I'll go back in time to tell myself to choose a different career. One where I'll meet a female woman of the girl-u-lar variety.

Declan: This overnight affluence must have come as a tremendous shock.

Marge: Oh, yes sir... as shocks go, this one's a real zaparoo.

Mr. Burns: What are you people doing in my Summer home?

Homer: Uh, this is Eduardo, my pool boy. He thinks he's an angry rich man.

Mr. Burns: I am an angry rich man!

Homer: [loudly whispering] That's the pool chemicals talking.

Marge: Mr. Burns, we're so sorry. The plan was just to use your back yard, and the next thing we know, Mr. Smithers is tied up in a grandfather clock.

Declan: Lenny... always exciting to hear from you. Did you ever try that new shampoo?

Lenny: Nope, never did. [uncomfortable silence] Wanna watch me pay my cable bill? I got checks with butterflies on 'em. [Lenny walks off] I am interesting.

Declan: But what you said about Homer it's... it's given me a brilliant idea!

Moe: An action movie where I play the Pope who kills the President?

Declan: No, that's a terrible idea.

Moe: Yeah, I know, it is stupid. I think it could work, though. I even got a title: Pontiff No Return. I came up with it, but I don't really get it.

Declan: I have some footage to show you.

Homer: Oh, spirit. Are you gonna show me my future? My snow-flecked grave, mourned by no man? Well, it's not too late for me to change! [runs to the window] You there, boy! Buy me a Christmas goose! The biggest one in the shop!

Squeaky-voiced teen: And then what?

Moe: Have you been to Homer's house?! It's got a back yard, a front yard... the place is like yard city!

Krusty the Clown: Homer gave me a kidney. It wasn't his, I didn't need it, and it came postage due, but still a lovely gesture.

Homer: All those years I was dreaming of other things, I was actually doing what I really wanted... hanging out with my family, drinking with my friends, making friends with my family, and hanging with my drinking!

Marge: Marge, you're my real dream come true. And I get to live you every day.