Difference between revisions of "Chalkboard gag"
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
| Line 25: | Line 25: | ||
*I will not sell school property | *I will not sell school property | ||
*I WILL NOT CUT CORNERS | *I WILL NOT CUT CORNERS | ||
| − | " " | + | " " " " " " |
| − | " " | + | " " " " " " |
*I will not get very far with this attitude | *I will not get very far with this attitude | ||
*I will not make flatuent noises in class | *I will not make flatuent noises in class | ||
| Line 64: | Line 64: | ||
*I will not prescribe medication | *I will not prescribe medication | ||
*I will not bury the new kid | *I will not bury the new kid | ||
| − | *I will try to raise a better child | + | *I will try to raise a better child (Marge during a episode) |
*I will not teach others to fly | *I will not teach others to fly | ||
| − | + | *I will not bring sheep to class | |
| − | + | *A burp is not an answer | |
| − | + | *Teacher is not a leper | |
| − | + | *Coffee is not for kids (each line becomes less legible and the last line is a scrawl) | |
| − | + | *I will not eat things for money | |
| − | + | *I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call | |
| − | + | *The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee | |
| − | + | *I will not call the principal "spud head" | |
| − | + | *Goldfish don't bounce | |
| − | + | *Mud is not one of the 4 food groups | |
| − | + | *No one is interested in my underpants | |
| − | + | *I will not sell miracle cures | |
| − | + | *I will return the seeing-eye dog | |
| − | + | *I do not have diplomatic immunity | |
| − | + | *I will not charge admission to the bathroom | |
| − | + | *I will never win an Emmy | |
| − | + | *The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy | |
| − | + | *All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy (not written line by line, like the one sentence story in 'The Shining') | |
| − | + | *I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause | |
| − | + | *I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers | |
| − | + | *My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man | |
| − | + | *I will not go near the kindergarten turtle | |
| − | + | *I am not delightfully saucy | |
| − | + | *Organ transplants are best left to the professionals | |
| − | + | *The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan | |
| − | + | *I will not celebrate meaningless milestones (the 100th episode) | |
| − | + | *There are plenty of businesses like show business | |
| − | + | *I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball | |
| − | + | *Five days is not too long to wait for a gun | |
| − | + | *Beans are neither fruit nor musical | |
| − | + | *I will not use abbrev. | |
| − | + | *I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr. | |
| − | + | *I will not send lard through the mail | |
| − | + | *I will not dissect things unless instructed | |
| − | + | *I will not whittle hall passes out of soap | |
| − | + | *Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough | |
| − | + | *Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal | |
| − | + | *"Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice | |
| − | + | *Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does | |
| − | + | *Next time it could be me on the scaffolding | |
| − | + | *I will not hang donuts on my person | |
| − | + | *I will remember to take my medication | |
| − | + | *I will not strut around like I own the place | |
| − | + | *I will only do this once a year | |
| − | + | *The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far | |
| − | + | *I do not have power of attorney over first graders | |
| − | + | *Nerve gas is not a toy | |
| − | + | *I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface | |
| − | + | *The First Amendment does not cover burping | |
| − | + | *This is not a clue...or is it? (there are clues that are supposed to reveal who shoots Mr. Burns) | |
| − | + | *I will not complain about the solution when I hear it (the shooter is revealed) | |
| − | + | *"Bewitched" does not promote Satanism | |
| − | + | *No one wants to hear from my armpits | |
| − | + | *I am not a lean mean spitting machine | |
| − | + | *The boys room is not a water park | |
| − | + | *Indian burns are not our cultural heritage | |
| − | + | *Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things | |
| − | + | *I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist | |
| − | + | *I am not certified to remove asbestos | |
| − | + | *I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten | |
| − | + | *I am not my long-lost twin | |
| − | + | *I will not be a snickerpuss. (Lisa during episode) | |
| − | + | *The truth is not out there | |
| − | + | *I am not licensed to do anything | |
| − | + | *I will not hide the teacher's Prozac | |
| − | + | *A fire drill does not demand a fire | |
| − | + | *I no longer want my MTV | |
| − | + | *Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story | |
| − | + | *I did not invent Irish dancing | |
| − | + | *I will not tease Fatty | |
| − | + | *There was no Roman god named "Fartacus" | |
| − | + | *Rudolph's red nose is not alcohol-related | |
| − | + | *Shooting paintballs is not an art form | |
| − | + | *Pain is not the cleanser | |
| − | + | *Silly String is not a nasal spray | |
| − | + | *I was not told to do this | |
| − | + | *My butt does not deserve a website | |
| − | + | *I will not demand what I'm worth | |
| − | + | *I will not mess with the opening credits (appeared in place of the couch gag, the rest of the family runs into the classroom) | |
| − | + | *I am not the new Dalai Lama | |
| − | + | *I was not the inspiration for "Kramer" | |
| − | + | *I will not file frivolous lawsuits | |
| − | + | *The Simpsons Halloween Special IX (painted in blood with a brush) | |
| − | + | *"butt.com" is not my E-mail address (censored to '"butt.butt" is not my E-mail address') | |
| − | + | *No one cares what my definition of "is" is | |
| − | + | *I will not scream for ice cream | |
| − | + | *I am not a licensed hairstylist | |
| − | + | *"The President did it" is not an excuse | |
| − | + | *My mom is not dating Jerry Seinfeld | |
| − | + | *Sherri does not "got back" | |
| − | + | *I will not do the Dirty Bird | |
| − | + | *No one wants to hear about my sciatica | |
| − | + | *Hillbillies are people too | |
| − | + | *Grammar is not a time of waste | |
| − | + | *It does not suck to be you | |
| − | + | *I cannot absolve sins (Bart carves "I Well Knot D-Face" in hieroglyphics during episode) | |
| − | + | *A trained ape could not teach gym | |
| − | + | *Loose teeth don't need my help | |
| − | + | *I have neither been there nor done that | |
| − | + | *Repeat of 3F01 | |
| − | + | *I'm so very tired | |
| − | + | *Fridays are not "pants optional" | |
| − | + | *Pork is not a verb | |
| − | + | *I am not the last Don | |
| − | + | *I did not win the Nobel Fart Prize | |
| − | + | *I won't not use no double negatives | |
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
BABF03 Repeat of 3F05 | BABF03 Repeat of 3F05 | ||
BABF05 I can't see dead people | BABF05 I can't see dead people | ||
Revision as of 19:03, March 6, 2007
During the opening credits, Bart is usualy featured writing a phrase on a green chalkboard over and over as punishment after class.
List of Chalkboard Gags
- I will not waste chalk
- I will not skateboard in the halls
- I will not burp in class
- I will not instigate revolution
- I will not draw naked ladies in class
- I did not see Elvis
- I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes"
- Garlic gum is not funny
- They are laughing at me, not with me
- I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom
- I will not encourage others to fly
- I will not fake my way through life
- Tar is not a plaything
- I will not Xerox my butt
- It's potato, not potatoe
- I will not trade pants with others
- I am not a 32 year old woman
- I will not do that thing with my tongue
- I will not drive the principal's car
- I will not pledge allegiance to Bart
- I will not sell school property
- I WILL NOT CUT CORNERS
" " " " " " " " " " " "
- I will not get very far with this attitude
- I will not make flatuent noises in class
- I will not belch the National Anthem
- I will not sell land in Florida
- I will not grease the monkey bars
- I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment
- I will not do anything bad ever again
- I will not show off (written in an Old English font)
- I will not sleep through my education
- I am not a dentist
- Spitwads are not free speech
- Nobody likes sunburn slappers
- High explosives and school don't mix
- I will not bribe Principal Skinner
- I will not squeak chalk (Bart squeaks the chalk)
- I will finish what I sta (appears on only one line)
- "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender
- I will not fake rabies (only shown in Canada)
- Underwear should be worn on the inside
- The Christmas Pageant does not stink
- I will not torment the emotionally frail
- I will not carve gods
- I will not spank others
- I will not aim for the head
- I will not barf unless I'm sick
- I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty (Lisa claps erasers)
- I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge
- I will not conduct my own fire drills
- Funny noises are not funny
- I will not spin the turtle
- I will not snap bras
- I will not fake seizures
- This punishment is not boring and pointless
- My name is not Dr. Death
- I will not defame New Orleans
- I will not prescribe medication
- I will not bury the new kid
- I will try to raise a better child (Marge during a episode)
- I will not teach others to fly
- I will not bring sheep to class
- A burp is not an answer
- Teacher is not a leper
- Coffee is not for kids (each line becomes less legible and the last line is a scrawl)
- I will not eat things for money
- I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call
- The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee
- I will not call the principal "spud head"
- Goldfish don't bounce
- Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
- No one is interested in my underpants
- I will not sell miracle cures
- I will return the seeing-eye dog
- I do not have diplomatic immunity
- I will not charge admission to the bathroom
- I will never win an Emmy
- The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy
- All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy (not written line by line, like the one sentence story in 'The Shining')
- I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause
- I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
- My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man
- I will not go near the kindergarten turtle
- I am not delightfully saucy
- Organ transplants are best left to the professionals
- The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan
- I will not celebrate meaningless milestones (the 100th episode)
- There are plenty of businesses like show business
- I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball
- Five days is not too long to wait for a gun
- Beans are neither fruit nor musical
- I will not use abbrev.
- I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr.
- I will not send lard through the mail
- I will not dissect things unless instructed
- I will not whittle hall passes out of soap
- Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough
- Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal
- "Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice
- Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does
- Next time it could be me on the scaffolding
- I will not hang donuts on my person
- I will remember to take my medication
- I will not strut around like I own the place
- I will only do this once a year
- The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far
- I do not have power of attorney over first graders
- Nerve gas is not a toy
- I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface
- The First Amendment does not cover burping
- This is not a clue...or is it? (there are clues that are supposed to reveal who shoots Mr. Burns)
- I will not complain about the solution when I hear it (the shooter is revealed)
- "Bewitched" does not promote Satanism
- No one wants to hear from my armpits
- I am not a lean mean spitting machine
- The boys room is not a water park
- Indian burns are not our cultural heritage
- Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things
- I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist
- I am not certified to remove asbestos
- I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten
- I am not my long-lost twin
- I will not be a snickerpuss. (Lisa during episode)
- The truth is not out there
- I am not licensed to do anything
- I will not hide the teacher's Prozac
- A fire drill does not demand a fire
- I no longer want my MTV
- Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story
- I did not invent Irish dancing
- I will not tease Fatty
- There was no Roman god named "Fartacus"
- Rudolph's red nose is not alcohol-related
- Shooting paintballs is not an art form
- Pain is not the cleanser
- Silly String is not a nasal spray
- I was not told to do this
- My butt does not deserve a website
- I will not demand what I'm worth
- I will not mess with the opening credits (appeared in place of the couch gag, the rest of the family runs into the classroom)
- I am not the new Dalai Lama
- I was not the inspiration for "Kramer"
- I will not file frivolous lawsuits
- The Simpsons Halloween Special IX (painted in blood with a brush)
- "butt.com" is not my E-mail address (censored to '"butt.butt" is not my E-mail address')
- No one cares what my definition of "is" is
- I will not scream for ice cream
- I am not a licensed hairstylist
- "The President did it" is not an excuse
- My mom is not dating Jerry Seinfeld
- Sherri does not "got back"
- I will not do the Dirty Bird
- No one wants to hear about my sciatica
- Hillbillies are people too
- Grammar is not a time of waste
- It does not suck to be you
- I cannot absolve sins (Bart carves "I Well Knot D-Face" in hieroglyphics during episode)
- A trained ape could not teach gym
- Loose teeth don't need my help
- I have neither been there nor done that
- Repeat of 3F01
- I'm so very tired
- Fridays are not "pants optional"
- Pork is not a verb
- I am not the last Don
- I did not win the Nobel Fart Prize
- I won't not use no double negatives
BABF03 Repeat of 3F05 BABF05 I can't see dead people
A reference to the movie "The Sixth Sense" (coincidentally, Haley Joel Osment, who played the boy in the movie who could see dead people, was at one time the voice of Curly on "Hey Arnold!", which was created by Matt Groening's brother-in-law)
BABF07 I will not sell my kidney on eBay
Unlike most, if not all, of Bart's other blackboard quotes, this one was not all caps (the "e" in "eBay" was small); also, Lisa writes "I will not do math in class" during the show
BABF04 I will not create art from dung
A reference to an art exhibit in New York City that included a portrait of the Virgin Mary splattered with dung
BABF06 I will stop phoning it in BABF08 Class clown is not a paid position BABF09 Substitute teachers are not scabs BABF10 My suspension was not "mutual" BABF11 A belch is not an oral report BABF12 Dodgeball stops at the gym door BABF13 "Non-Flammable" is not a challenge BABF14 I was not touched "there" by an angel BABF16 I am not here on a fartball scholarship BABF15 I will not dance on anyone's grave BABF18 I cannot hire a substitute student BABF19 I will not obey the voices in my head BABF21 None - Halloween Special BABF20 I will not plant subliminal messagores
The parts in green appeared in green on the show
A reference to the "subliminal message" claim during the 2000 USA Presidential Election campaign; during a Republican commercial, the word "RAT" appeared briefly while Democrats were being mentioned BABF17 I will not surprise the incontinent CABF01 I am not the acting President
A reference to the 2000 USA Presidential election, whose winner had still not been determined when this episode first aired
CABF04 I was not the sixth Beatle CABF02 I will only provide a urine sample when asked CABF03 The nurse is not dealing CABF06 Science class should not end in tragedy
During the episode, Principal Skinner writes "I ain't not a dorkus"
BABF22 Network TV is not dead CABF05 I will not "let the dogs out" CABF08 I will not hide the teacher's medication CABF07 I will not publish the Principal's credit report CABF10 The hamster did not have "a full life" CABF12 I will not buy a Presidential pardon
A reference to ex-President Clinton granting Presidential pardons to people who made donations/payments, which might be "a conflict of interest"
CABF09 "Temptation Island" was not a sleazy piece of crap
A reference to a Fox television series where couples were sent to an island filled with singles to test their commitment
CABF11 I will not scare the Vice President
A reference to USA Vice-President Dick Cheney being in the hospital with a heart condition
CABF13 I will not flush evidence CABF14 Fire is not the cleanser CABF15 Genetics is not an excuse CABF16 Today is not Mothra's day
Originally aired on Mother's Day (May 13), 2001
CABF17 I should not be twenty-one by now
He would be 21 in the 12th season if he was 10 in the first season, which ended in 1990, and he aged normally
CABF19 None - Halloween Special CABF22 Nobody reads these anymore CABF20 A burp in a jar is not a science project CABF18 Fun does not have a size CABF21 I am not Charlie Brown on acid DABF02 I do not have a cereal named after me
When this episode first aired, he did - Bart Simpson Peanut Butter Chocolate Crunch (along with Homer's Cinnamon Donut Cereal)
DABF01 None DABF03 None DABF05 None DABF04 I will not bite the hand that feeds me Butterfingers
Probably a response to a gag in DABF03 when Butterfingers (which featured commercials with the Simpsons in them at one time) were thrown into a fire but wouldn't burn, and the response was "Even the fire doesn't want them"
DABF06 The giving tree is not a chump DABF07 Making Milhouse cry is not a science project DABF09 None DABF08 Vampire is not a career choice DABF10 None DABF11 None DABF12 None DABF13 None DABF14 I will never lie about being cancelled again
A reference to Matt Groening commenting in an interview that the show was "closer to winding it up" (and then claiming he was "misquoted and misunderstood")
DABF15 None DABF16 None DABF17 None DABF19 None - "Treehouse of Horror" episode DABF22 None DABF20 Fish do not like coffee DABF18 None DABF21 Milhouse did not test cootie positive EABF01 None EABF02 None EABF03 None EABF04 This school does not need a "regime change" EABF06 SpongeBob is not a contraceptive EABF05 I will not
Bart then chops up the blackboard with an axe
EABF07 None EABF08 None EABF09 None EABF10 None EABF11 None EABF12 None EABF13 None EABF14 My pen is not a booger launcher EABF15 None EABF16 Sandwiches should not contain sand EABF17 None EABF21 None - "Treehouse of Horror" episode EABF18 None EABF20 None EABF22 None EABF19 None FABF01 Over forty & single is not funny FABF02 None FABF03 None FABF04 None FABF05 None FABF06 None FABF07 None FABF09 None FABF08 I will not speculate on how hot teacher used to be FABF10 None FABF11 None FABF12 None FABF14 None FABF15 None FABF13 None FABF17 None FABF18 None FABF23 None - "Treehouse of Horror" episode FABF20 None FABF19 None FABF22 Poking a dead raccoon is not research FABF21 None FABF16 None GABF01 None GABF02 None GABF03 None GABF04 None
However, this episode did have a disclaimer at the beginning when Fox first aired it: "This episode contains discussions of same sex marriage. Parental discretion is advised."
GABF05 Beer in a milk carton is not milk GABF06 None GABF07 None GABF08 None GABF12 None GABF10 None GABF11 None
There was a variation on the show's opening during the show, but instead of a chalkboard, Bart is at a vending machine
GABF13 None GABF14 None GABF15 A booger is not a bookmark GABF09 None GABF18 Does any kid still do this anymore? GABF16 None GABF19 None GABF17 None - "Treehouse of Horror" episode GABF20 None GABF21 None GABF22 None HABF02 None HABF01 None HABF03 I am not smarter than the President HABF04 Teacher was not dumped -- it was mutual HABF05 None HABF06 None HABF07 None HABF08 I will not laminate dog doo
The live-action opening used the first time this episode aired in the USA repeated the 9F10 opening
HABF09 I will not flip the classroom upside down
The classroom was flipped upside-down (well, rotated 180 degrees) while he was writing this
HABF10 None HABF11 None HABF12 None HABF13 I will not leak the plot of the movie HABF14 Je ne parle pas Français HABF16 Have a great summer, everyone HABF15 None HABF18 None HABF20 None
During the episode, Principal Skinner writes "A baby beat me up"
HABF17 None - "Treehouse of Horror" episode HABF21 We are not all naked under our clothes HABF19 None HABF22 None JABF02 None JABF01 Frankincense is not a monster JABF03 None JABF05 None JABF04 None JABF07 None
During the episode, Bart writes, "So Long Suckers"
JABF09 None
