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[[File:Hans Moleman.png|150px|left|link=Hans Moleman]]
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[[File:Bart's guilt.png|150px|left|link=Bart's guilt]]
  
'''Hans Moleman''' (also known as '''Ralph Melish''') is a 4ft 4 in, 140lb mole-like man with extremely bad luck.
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'''Bart's guilt''' is a manifestation of [[Bart]]'s guilt.
  
Although apparently elderly, Hans Moleman once claimed that he was only 31 years old (his driver's license says he was born August 2, 1961), but due to his heavy drinking, he appears much older. He has cataracts and is almost entirely blind (which has severely impaired his reading ability) and has used medical marijuana. He carries a brown cane with him everywhere, which was once shown to contain a hidden sword.
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When [[Bart]] became jealous of the attention [[Lisa]] was getting after she got a new hat, which she affectionately named "[[Sunny]]", Bart threw the hat out of the car window while Lisa was sleeping and into a scrapyard. That night, Bart's guilt appeared to him. Bart was adamant that he didn't feel guilty about throwing away Lisa's hat, and Bart's denial also showed up to protect him, but Bart's guilt snapped his denial's neck. Later, Bart woke up in the night to find that his guilt was still there. Bart told his guilt that he looked worse, and Bart's guilt told him that Bart's lack of remorse made him grow. Bart's guilt then got bigger and greener, scaring Bart. However, Bart still tried to take it in stride, telling his guilt that he liked gross things when his guilt ate his pillow and spat it out covered in green goop, and enjoyed being eaten and pooped out by his guilt too.
  
Hans was once mistaken for Bart and accidentally "de-programmed" (Homer and Marge had hired a cult de-programmer, hoping to convince Bart to move out of Mr. Burns' mansion and back in with them), apparently leading him to believe he is the son of Homer and Marge. At one time, it was revealed that Hans Moleman slept with [[Gudrun Sylvester Hvid|Lars Ulrich's grandmother]], and is considered by [[Metallica]]  to be a "real fan".
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The next morning, Bart's guilt had grown even bigger. Bart lied to his family, telling them that he had slept well. [[Marge]] then asked if he had seen Lisa's hat, and Bart's guilt grew again. Bart told Marge that he didn't remember Lisa having a hat, causing his guilt to grow even more. Bart's guilt then blew his nose on the kitchen curtains and cooked his hand in the waffle maker...
  
Homer once stumbled across Hans Moleman as the leader of a race of Mole People in an underground fortress complete with earthquake machines.
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<p style="font-size: small; text-align: right;">[[Hans Moleman|Read more of this article]] | [[Wikisimpsons:Previous Featured articles|More featured articles]] | [[Wikisimpsons:Featured article|Vote for a featured article]]</p><noinclude>
 
 
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Latest revision as of 09:57, July 1, 2026

Bart's guilt.png

Bart's guilt is a manifestation of Bart's guilt.

When Bart became jealous of the attention Lisa was getting after she got a new hat, which she affectionately named "Sunny", Bart threw the hat out of the car window while Lisa was sleeping and into a scrapyard. That night, Bart's guilt appeared to him. Bart was adamant that he didn't feel guilty about throwing away Lisa's hat, and Bart's denial also showed up to protect him, but Bart's guilt snapped his denial's neck. Later, Bart woke up in the night to find that his guilt was still there. Bart told his guilt that he looked worse, and Bart's guilt told him that Bart's lack of remorse made him grow. Bart's guilt then got bigger and greener, scaring Bart. However, Bart still tried to take it in stride, telling his guilt that he liked gross things when his guilt ate his pillow and spat it out covered in green goop, and enjoyed being eaten and pooped out by his guilt too.

The next morning, Bart's guilt had grown even bigger. Bart lied to his family, telling them that he had slept well. Marge then asked if he had seen Lisa's hat, and Bart's guilt grew again. Bart told Marge that he didn't remember Lisa having a hat, causing his guilt to grow even more. Bart's guilt then blew his nose on the kitchen curtains and cooked his hand in the waffle maker...

Read more of this article | More featured articles | Vote for a featured article