Difference between revisions of "Fund-Razing/Quotes"
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{{qf|[[Lisa]]}} I can't believe we have to hear about another fund-raiser. This is the eleventh one this year! | {{qf|[[Lisa]]}} I can't believe we have to hear about another fund-raiser. This is the eleventh one this year! | ||
| − | {{qf|[[Nelson Muntz]]}} I'll take any excuse to get out of class... but this is the worst! Can't somebody get us out of this thing? | + | {{qf|[[Nelson Muntz]]}} I'll take any excuse to get out of class...but this is the worst! Can't somebody get us out of this thing? |
{{qf|[[Bart]]}} Have no fear... Bart Simpson is here! Let's see if I can liven things up. | {{qf|[[Bart]]}} Have no fear... Bart Simpson is here! Let's see if I can liven things up. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | {{qf|Lisa}} You should be ashamed of yourself, Bart. | + | {{qf|[[Gil Gunderson]]}} Hiya, kids! I'm Gil Gunderson, and I'll be working to help you and your school make money! It'll be easy! Who wouldn't love selling Nutty Fun Time Peanut Brittle? Everyone loves it! |
| + | {{qf|[[Principal Skinner]]}} [GASP!] | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Lunchlady Dora]]}} Don't open this box! Principal Skinner is allergic! | ||
| + | {{qf|Gil}} Don't worry... half of the boxes won't open anyway. The company used too much molasses... ...And the Army Corps of Engineers has been using them as bricks to shore up levees! | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Gil}} Kids, you can win wonderful prizes! If you sell five boxes, you'll win a scratch-and-sniff sticker. Sell ten boxes, and you'll win a sticker that doesn't smell! Twenty boxes gets you a glossy 8x10 photograph signed by heartthrob newsman [[Marvin Kalb]]! | ||
| + | {{qf|Bart}} And now for the ol' switcheroo. | ||
| + | {{qf|Gil}} And if you sell fifty boxes, you'll win our best prize... | ||
| + | {{qf|Bart}} ''[over speakers]'' ...Ten thousand dollars in cash! | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Principal Skinner}} They're leaving! But the school day isn't over! | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Superintendent Chalmers]]}} Forget it! I haven't seen kids this excited about a fundraising drive in years. Even at two percent a sale... ...Springfield Elementary might even be able to afford toilet seats again! | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Bart}} Another job well done and a nice day, too. Sun shining, birds chirping... | ||
| + | {{qf|Gil}} Those aren't birds, son...that's me crying. T-ten thousand dollars? The prize was supposed to be a coupon for half off a subscription to "Amish Surfer" magazine! | ||
| + | {{qf|Lisa}} You should be ashamed of yourself, Bart. Your little prank has ruined this man! | ||
{{qf|Bart}} Hey, you were the one who wanted out of the assembly. I can't be responsible for collateral damage! | {{qf|Bart}} Hey, you were the one who wanted out of the assembly. I can't be responsible for collateral damage! | ||
| − | {{qf|Lisa}} And you should be ashamed, too. You get kids to guilt people into buying overpriced, second rate products... ...and the school and the kids don't get anything! | + | {{qf|Lisa}} And you should be ashamed, too. You get kids to guilt people into buying overpriced, second-rate products... ...and the school and the kids don't get anything! |
| − | {{qf| | + | {{qf|Gil}} I'm sorry! I only took the job to get my dear aunt a new iron lung! The roof leaked in the old folks' home... ...and now she's developed a case of premature rust! You've got to help me! |
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Lisa}} He's got a good reason for doing this, Bart. Somehow we have to make sure that nobody wins the prize! | ||
| + | {{qf|Bart}} What do you mean "we," Kemo Sabe? I've got the afternoon off and better things to do. | ||
| + | {{qf|Lisa}} But it'll involve creating havoc and the mass destruction of merchandise! | ||
| + | {{qf|Bart}} That I can do. | ||
| + | {{qf|Lisa}} Somehow I knew that'd work. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | |||
{{qf|Lisa}} Oh, hi, Milhouse! I'm glad to see you're selling to these nice men. | {{qf|Lisa}} Oh, hi, Milhouse! I'm glad to see you're selling to these nice men. | ||
{{qf|[[Milhouse Van Houten]]}} What's up, Lisa? | {{qf|[[Milhouse Van Houten]]}} What's up, Lisa? | ||
| − | {{qf|Lisa}} I commend you on the choice you're making, Moe. This is a super-healthy, zero-cal mix of organic | + | {{qf|Lisa}} I commend you on the choice you're making, Moe. This is a super-healthy, zero-cal mix of organic legumes! |
| − | {{qf|Moe}} Legumes? I thought this was good old American junk food! You can keep 'em! C'mon, guys... there's | + | {{qf|[[Moe Szyslak]]}} Legumes? I thought this was good old American junk food! You can keep 'em! C'mon, guys... there's still some chip gut at the bottom of the snack machine! |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | {{qf|Bart}} We're just trying to stop you from making a terrible mistake! The ten thousand-dollar | + | {{qf|Nelson}} You'll buy this brittle or else, old man! |
| − | {{qf|[[Sherri | + | {{qf|[[Hans Moleman]]}} But I don't even have teeth! |
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Bart}} We're just trying to stop you from making a terrible mistake! The ten thousand-dollar prize is baloney! They're raising money for Springfield Elementary's secret plan, not school renovations. They want to expand school to six days a week with no summer vacations! | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Sherri Mackleberry]]}} Six days?! | ||
{{qf|Nelson}} No vacations?! | {{qf|Nelson}} No vacations?! | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | {{qf|[[Principal Skinner | + | {{qf|[[Lou]]}} It's some kind of riot! Should I call for backup, Chief? |
| + | {{qf|[[Chief Wiggum]]}} Do it, Lou... ...and have them bring a tissue box. All that sugary goodness, gone forever! [SNIFF!] | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Principal Skinner}} This is the worst fundraiser ever! We brought in only five dollars...and that was what I sold to [[Agnes Skinner|my mother]]! The school's cut is only a dime. That won't buy any toilet seats. It might get you into a pay toilet...in 1950! | ||
{{qf|Gil}} [GULP!] | {{qf|Gil}} [GULP!] | ||
| − | {{qf| | + | {{qf|Superintendent Chalmers}} Don't let it worry you, Seymour! I've just signed a contract with the Mayor to put the kids to work. |
| − | {{qf|[[Mayor Quimby]]}} It's good | + | {{qf|[[Mayor Quimby]]}} It's good to see our city's...er, ah...young people willing to lend a hand after the recent...er, ah...unpleasantness. Especially when they work cheaper than the sanitation union! |
| − | {{qf|Nelson}} This is all | + | {{qf|Nelson}} This is all your fault, Simpson. |
{{qf|Bart}} Hey, you're the ones who wanted out of class! You just didn't say how! | {{qf|Bart}} Hey, you're the ones who wanted out of class! You just didn't say how! | ||
| − | {{qf|Lisa}} Oh, | + | {{qf|Lisa}} Oh, brother! |
[[Category:Bart Simpson comics stories quotes]] | [[Category:Bart Simpson comics stories quotes]] | ||
Latest revision as of 18:40, July 23, 2026
- Lisa: I can't believe we have to hear about another fund-raiser. This is the eleventh one this year!
- Nelson Muntz: I'll take any excuse to get out of class...but this is the worst! Can't somebody get us out of this thing?
- Bart: Have no fear... Bart Simpson is here! Let's see if I can liven things up.
- Gil Gunderson: Hiya, kids! I'm Gil Gunderson, and I'll be working to help you and your school make money! It'll be easy! Who wouldn't love selling Nutty Fun Time Peanut Brittle? Everyone loves it!
- Principal Skinner: [GASP!]
- Lunchlady Dora: Don't open this box! Principal Skinner is allergic!
- Gil: Don't worry... half of the boxes won't open anyway. The company used too much molasses... ...And the Army Corps of Engineers has been using them as bricks to shore up levees!
- Gil: Kids, you can win wonderful prizes! If you sell five boxes, you'll win a scratch-and-sniff sticker. Sell ten boxes, and you'll win a sticker that doesn't smell! Twenty boxes gets you a glossy 8x10 photograph signed by heartthrob newsman Marvin Kalb!
- Bart: And now for the ol' switcheroo.
- Gil: And if you sell fifty boxes, you'll win our best prize...
- Bart: [over speakers] ...Ten thousand dollars in cash!
- Principal Skinner: They're leaving! But the school day isn't over!
- Superintendent Chalmers: Forget it! I haven't seen kids this excited about a fundraising drive in years. Even at two percent a sale... ...Springfield Elementary might even be able to afford toilet seats again!
- Bart: Another job well done and a nice day, too. Sun shining, birds chirping...
- Gil: Those aren't birds, son...that's me crying. T-ten thousand dollars? The prize was supposed to be a coupon for half off a subscription to "Amish Surfer" magazine!
- Lisa: You should be ashamed of yourself, Bart. Your little prank has ruined this man!
- Bart: Hey, you were the one who wanted out of the assembly. I can't be responsible for collateral damage!
- Lisa: And you should be ashamed, too. You get kids to guilt people into buying overpriced, second-rate products... ...and the school and the kids don't get anything!
- Gil: I'm sorry! I only took the job to get my dear aunt a new iron lung! The roof leaked in the old folks' home... ...and now she's developed a case of premature rust! You've got to help me!
- Lisa: He's got a good reason for doing this, Bart. Somehow we have to make sure that nobody wins the prize!
- Bart: What do you mean "we," Kemo Sabe? I've got the afternoon off and better things to do.
- Lisa: But it'll involve creating havoc and the mass destruction of merchandise!
- Bart: That I can do.
- Lisa: Somehow I knew that'd work.
- Lisa: Oh, hi, Milhouse! I'm glad to see you're selling to these nice men.
- Milhouse Van Houten: What's up, Lisa?
- Lisa: I commend you on the choice you're making, Moe. This is a super-healthy, zero-cal mix of organic legumes!
- Moe Szyslak: Legumes? I thought this was good old American junk food! You can keep 'em! C'mon, guys... there's still some chip gut at the bottom of the snack machine!
- Nelson: You'll buy this brittle or else, old man!
- Hans Moleman: But I don't even have teeth!
- Bart: We're just trying to stop you from making a terrible mistake! The ten thousand-dollar prize is baloney! They're raising money for Springfield Elementary's secret plan, not school renovations. They want to expand school to six days a week with no summer vacations!
- Sherri Mackleberry: Six days?!
- Nelson: No vacations?!
- Lou: It's some kind of riot! Should I call for backup, Chief?
- Chief Wiggum: Do it, Lou... ...and have them bring a tissue box. All that sugary goodness, gone forever! [SNIFF!]
- Principal Skinner: This is the worst fundraiser ever! We brought in only five dollars...and that was what I sold to my mother! The school's cut is only a dime. That won't buy any toilet seats. It might get you into a pay toilet...in 1950!
- Gil: [GULP!]
- Superintendent Chalmers: Don't let it worry you, Seymour! I've just signed a contract with the Mayor to put the kids to work.
- Mayor Quimby: It's good to see our city's...er, ah...young people willing to lend a hand after the recent...er, ah...unpleasantness. Especially when they work cheaper than the sanitation union!
- Nelson: This is all your fault, Simpson.
- Bart: Hey, you're the ones who wanted out of class! You just didn't say how!
- Lisa: Oh, brother!
