Difference between revisions of "One Flu Over Springfield/Quotes"
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:''[The sound of sirens is heard in the distance. The sound gets closer and a police car comes into view.]'' | :''[The sound of sirens is heard in the distance. The sound gets closer and a police car comes into view.]'' | ||
:'''Snake''': Oh, cheese and crackers ... The fuzz! ''[He gets into his car and drives off.]'' | :'''Snake''': Oh, cheese and crackers ... The fuzz! ''[He gets into his car and drives off.]'' | ||
| − | :'''[[Chief Wiggum]]''': ''[in pursuit, using a megaphone]'' | + | :'''[[Chief Wiggum]]''': ''[in pursuit, using a megaphone]'' ALLEGED PERPETRATOR, PULL OVER OR I WILL BE FORCED TO SHOOT! |
| − | :'''[[Lou]]''': Um, Chief, how do we know for sure that's the guy we're supposed to be chasing? | + | :'''[[Lou]]''': ''[handling the wheel while Wiggum leans out the window with the megaphone]'' Um, Chief, how do we know for sure that's the guy we're supposed to be chasing? |
:'''Wiggum''': Lou, you know I'm a shoot-first, lawsuit-later cop! Now, hold 'er steady! | :'''Wiggum''': Lou, you know I'm a shoot-first, lawsuit-later cop! Now, hold 'er steady! | ||
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| Line 26: | Line 26: | ||
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:''[A moment later, Chief Wiggum and Lou arrive at Snake's crashed car.]'' | :''[A moment later, Chief Wiggum and Lou arrive at Snake's crashed car.]'' | ||
| − | :'''Wiggum''': | + | :'''Wiggum''': ''[using megaphone]'' CITIZEN, COME OUT WITH YOUR MITTENS UP! |
| + | :''[No response. They approach the car: Lou first, followed closely by Wiggum.]'' | ||
| + | :'''Wiggum''': ''[still using megaphone]'' LOOKS LIKE HE GOT AWAY, LOU! | ||
| + | :''[Lou jumps, due to the megaphone-in-the-ear treatment, but quickly recovers his composure.]'' | ||
:'''Lou''': Got some tracks in the snow, Chief. We should follow them! | :'''Lou''': Got some tracks in the snow, Chief. We should follow them! | ||
:'''Wiggum''': ''[noticing the phlegm on the steering wheel]'' Not so fast. The perp left behind some DNA to collect! | :'''Wiggum''': ''[noticing the phlegm on the steering wheel]'' Not so fast. The perp left behind some DNA to collect! | ||
Revision as of 15:06, December 19, 2019
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- [At the Kwik-E-Mart, an obviously ill man sneezes on a package of cold/flu medication as he approaches the counter.]
- Flu Sufferer: Wow, I need something strong to dry up all this nose gravy! I hope this medication helps.
- Apu: I am sorry, sir, but I cannot be accepting your disease-tinged currency!
- Flu Sufferer: Well, how else am I supposed to pay for it?!
- [Just then, Snake bursts into the store, wearing a ski mask and brandishing a pistol.]
- Snake: Like, totally freeze and give me your wallet pronto! [He makes the theft and exits.]
- Flu Sufferer: Hey, he took my medicine, too!
- Apu: Do not worry. I had pressed my panic button for the police to come and remove you from the store! Now they can take you and that no-goodnik away!
- [Outside the store, Snake revels in his success.]
- Snake: Ahh, the sweet smell of illegally gotten gains! [sniffs the Flu Sufferer's wallet]
- [The sound of sirens is heard in the distance. The sound gets closer and a police car comes into view.]
- Snake: Oh, cheese and crackers ... The fuzz! [He gets into his car and drives off.]
- Chief Wiggum: [in pursuit, using a megaphone] ALLEGED PERPETRATOR, PULL OVER OR I WILL BE FORCED TO SHOOT!
- Lou: [handling the wheel while Wiggum leans out the window with the megaphone] Um, Chief, how do we know for sure that's the guy we're supposed to be chasing?
- Wiggum: Lou, you know I'm a shoot-first, lawsuit-later cop! Now, hold 'er steady!
- [Meanwhile, in the car being chased ...]
- Snake: Whoa, totally not feeling awesome anymore! Ahh ... ahh ... ahh... choo! [He sneezes, coating the steering wheel with phlegm.] Grody!
- [Snake's car goes into a spin on the snow-packed street.]
- Snake: Uh-oh...So not cool! [He crashes into a snowbank at the base of the Lard Lad statue, then gets out of the car and runs away on foot.]
- [A moment later, Chief Wiggum and Lou arrive at Snake's crashed car.]
- Wiggum: [using megaphone] CITIZEN, COME OUT WITH YOUR MITTENS UP!
- [No response. They approach the car: Lou first, followed closely by Wiggum.]
- Wiggum: [still using megaphone] LOOKS LIKE HE GOT AWAY, LOU!
- [Lou jumps, due to the megaphone-in-the-ear treatment, but quickly recovers his composure.]
- Lou: Got some tracks in the snow, Chief. We should follow them!
- Wiggum: [noticing the phlegm on the steering wheel] Not so fast. The perp left behind some DNA to collect!
- Lou: Uhh...Doesn't it just make more sense to go after him?
- Wiggum: In this weather? Brrrr! Instead, let's take this unidentified body fluid to our lab, which will take weeks to analyze it, and may or may not I.D. who this scuzz-bucket truly is! [He scoops up some phlegm with his bare hand and puts it into a Petri dish.]
- [Later in the day, Chief Wiggum arrives home looking unwell, with a red nose and sniffles.]
- Mrs. Wiggum: Clancy, you're home early! Are you feeling all right?
- Wiggum: Ehh...not so much. Think I'm just gonna lie down for a bit, dear. [He puts his keys, a handful of bullets, and the Petri dish of phlegm into a bowl.]
- Mrs. Wiggum: You rest, Clancy, and I'll come get you when dinner's ready. [She walks him to the bedroom.]
- [Ralph enters the room, looks into the bowl, and sees the Petri dish.]
- Ralph: Daddy's stink breath candy! He won't notice if I take one or ten. [opens the dish and runs his fingers through it] This isn't candy! It's some sort of paste! Ohh...I know what I can use this stuff for!
- [That evening, Ralph is at the Simpson home, where he and Lisa are partners on a school project. Ralph holds the Petri dish while Lisa dips her fingers into the contents and uses them as paste for a diorama.]
- Lisa: Are you sure this stuff is paste, Ralph? It feels...different.
- Ralph: Only one way to know for sure... [dips his fingers into the dish and takes a taste, smearing his lips and tongue with it] It doesn't taste like paste, but maybe it's the kind policey men use to make their handcuffs stick?
- Lisa: Twenty-eight other kids in class and I get paired with you as my partner? "Top of the world, Ma..." [points at the door] Go wash your face, Ralph!
- [Ralph heads for the bathroom. On the way, he meets up with Santa's Little Helper.]
- Ralph: Hey, boy, I bet you can help me get this stuff off!
- [SLH enthusiastically licks Ralph's face and does just that. Then the doorbell rings and SLH runs toward the stairs and the front door.]
- [At the front door, Homer and Marge are dressed for an evening out and Marge is holding Maggie. Moe has just come inside.]
- Moe: [holding out his arms for Maggie] There's my favorite girl! Give us a hug already... [Santa's Little Helper comes bounding down the stairs, leaps into Moe's arms, and licks him on the face.] All right, all right...I love you too, you silly mutt!
- Marge: Thanks for baby-sitting Maggie for us, Moe. I think she's more excited about our date night than we are!
- Moe: No worries, Midge. We're gonna have a great time watching that Real Midwives of Amish Country marathon on Bravo! [He sets SLH down on the floor, takes Maggie from Marge, and gives Maggie a kiss.]
- Homer: C'mon, Marge, my belly is so empty, it's using curse words!
- Marge: We'll be back before eleven. You have my cell number if you need it. Have fun! [gives Maggie a kiss] Good night, sweetie. Mommy will see you in the morning!
