Difference between revisions of "Two Bad Neighbors/Quotes"
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'''Marge:''' Well you could hand out these flyers for the neighborhood rummage sale? You get some fresh air and exercise! | '''Marge:''' Well you could hand out these flyers for the neighborhood rummage sale? You get some fresh air and exercise! | ||
| − | '''Homer:''' Ehh, I'll do it anyway. [grabs Bart] Come on, boy, we're going to see the neighbors! | + | '''Homer:''' Ehh, I'll do it anyway. ''[grabs Bart]'' Come on, boy, we're going to see the neighbors! |
---- | ---- | ||
'''Homer:''' Good old Evergreen Terrace: the swankiest street in the classiest part of Pressboard Estates. | '''Homer:''' Good old Evergreen Terrace: the swankiest street in the classiest part of Pressboard Estates. | ||
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'''Bart:''' Well if you love it so much, why are you always littering? | '''Bart:''' Well if you love it so much, why are you always littering? | ||
| − | '''Homer:''' [finishing a canned drink] It's easier, duh. [litters] | + | '''Homer:''' ''[finishing a canned drink]'' It's easier, duh. ''[litters]'' |
---- | ---- | ||
'''Apu:''' Howdy, neighbors! May I spray you with the hose in a playful fashion? | '''Apu:''' Howdy, neighbors! May I spray you with the hose in a playful fashion? | ||
| − | '''Homer:''' Uh...spray the boy. [Apu sprays Bart] | + | '''Homer:''' Uh... spray the boy. ''[Apu sprays Bart]'' |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '''Homer:''' Hey! | + | '''Homer:''' Hey! I never noticed this place. |
| − | '''Bart:''' Dad, it's right across the street from us! | + | '''Bart:''' Dad, it's right across the street from us! That fancy house'll never sell. Nobody who could afford it would want to live in this neighborhood. |
| − | '''Homer:''' Hey, what's wrong with this neighborhood? | + | '''Homer:''' Hey, what's wrong with this neighborhood? ''[at the house]'' Big shot! Too good to buy a house here, snobby? |
'''Bart:''' Who are you talking to, Homer? | '''Bart:''' Who are you talking to, Homer? | ||
| Line 32: | Line 32: | ||
'''Homer:''' The guy who doesn't live there. | '''Homer:''' The guy who doesn't live there. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '''Marge:''' Can we get rid of this Ayatollah T-shirt? | + | '''Marge:''' Can we get rid of this Ayatollah T-shirt? Khomeini died years ago. |
| − | '''Homer:''' But, Marge! | + | '''Homer:''' But, Marge! It works on any Ayatollah: Ayatollah Nakhbadeh, Ayatollah Zahedi... even as we speak, Ayatollah Razmada and his cadre of fanatics are consolidating their power. |
| − | '''Marge:''' I don't care who's consolidating their power. [holds up something else] Well, we don't need this. | + | '''Marge:''' I don't care who's consolidating their power. ''[holds up something else]'' Well, we don't need this. |
| − | '''Homer:''' [sputters] Marge! | + | '''Homer:''' ''[sputters]'' Marge! That's the Rhinestone Nights Fashion Gun. I need it to rhinestone up my old clothing. ''[holds up a jacket]'' |
| − | '''Marge:''' [reading the jacket] Who's "Disco Stu"? | + | '''Marge:''' ''[reading the jacket]'' Who's "Disco Stu"? |
'''Homer:''' Oh, er, I wanted to write "Disco Stud" but I ran out of space. | '''Homer:''' Oh, er, I wanted to write "Disco Stud" but I ran out of space. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '''Ned:''' Well sir, looks like we've got us some nice items at table Glick! Like this...what the heck-a-roonie is this, Mrs. Glick? | + | '''Ned:''' Well sir, looks like we've got us some nice items at table Glick! Like this... what the heck-a-roonie is this, Mrs. Glick? |
'''Mrs. Glick:''' It's a candy dish, Ned. 90 dollars! | '''Mrs. Glick:''' It's a candy dish, Ned. 90 dollars! | ||
| − | '''Ned:''' Uh-huh... well.. I.. uh...I guess you could put a lot of nice things in there! | + | '''Ned:''' Uh-huh... well.. I.. uh... I guess you could put a lot of nice things in there! |
'''Mrs. Glick:''' No! Just candy, Ned. 90 dollars! | '''Mrs. Glick:''' No! Just candy, Ned. 90 dollars! | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '''Marge:''' Are you interesting in that motorized tie rack, Principal Skinner? [turns it on] | + | '''Marge:''' Are you interesting in that motorized tie rack, Principal Skinner? ''[turns it on]'' |
| − | '''Skinner:''' Hmm. | + | '''Skinner:''' Hmm. It's awfully loud. |
| − | '''Marge:''' Well, you can always take the motor out and use it as an ordinary tie rack. | + | '''Marge:''' Well, you can always take the motor out and use it as an ordinary tie rack. ''[does so]'' |
| − | '''Skinner:''' [scoffs] But now the ties are motionless, and those in back are virtually inaccessible. Well, it's a moot point, as I have only one tie to begin with. I believe I'll pass. | + | '''Skinner:''' ''[scoffs]'' But now the ties are motionless, and those in back are virtually inaccessible. Well, it's a moot point, as I have only one tie to begin with. I believe I'll pass. ''[walks off]'' ''[pops head back]'' Have you sold that tie rack yet? |
'''Marge:''' No. | '''Marge:''' No. | ||
| Line 64: | Line 64: | ||
'''Skinner:''' I'll take it. | '''Skinner:''' I'll take it. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '''Ned:''' Now, folks, nothing spells "fun" like rhinestones on a dungaree jacket! | + | '''Ned:''' Now, folks, nothing spells "fun" like rhinestones on a dungaree jacket! ''[holds up "Disco Stu" jacket]'' |
| − | '''Man:''' Stu! | + | '''Man:''' Stu! You should buy that! |
| − | '''Disco Stu:''' Hey | + | '''Disco Stu:''' Hey! Disco Stu doesn't advertise. |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '''Homer:''' [singing] Hey, big spender | + | '''Homer:''' ''[singing]'' Hey, big spender, dig this blender! Rainbow suspenders—hey, big spender! |
'''Everyone:''' We surrender! | '''Everyone:''' We surrender! | ||
| − | '''Homer:''' [singing] Speeend some dough at table three. | + | '''Homer:''' ''[singing]'' Speeend some dough at table three. |
| − | [everyone cheers and holds up money] | + | ''[everyone cheers and holds up money]'' |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '''George:''' Hi there, neighbors. | + | '''George:''' Hi there, neighbors. Uh, I'm... George Bush. ''[everyone stares]'' Former president George Bush? |
| − | '''Everyone:''' Oh, OK! [mild applause] | + | '''Everyone:''' Oh, OK! ''[mild applause]'' |
---- | ---- | ||
'''Bart:''' Wow, a former president living right across the street. | '''Bart:''' Wow, a former president living right across the street. | ||
| − | '''Homer:''' Oh, why did he have to move in on my territory? Look at him. Thinks just because he led the free world, he can act like a big shot! | + | '''Homer:''' Oh, why did he have to move in on my territory? Look at him. Thinks just because he led the free world, he can act like a big shot! Stupid President... why couldn't he just stay in his own state? |
| − | '''Lisa:''' Actually, this is one of the nine states where Mr. Bush claims residency, Dad. | + | '''Lisa:''' Actually, this is one of the nine states where Mr. Bush claims residency, Dad. I wouldn't have voted for him, but it's nice to have a celebrity in the neighborhood. |
---- | ---- | ||
'''Ned:''' Howdily doodily, there, President Bush—or should I say, "President Neighbor"! I'm Ned Flanders, and this is Maude, Rod, and Todd. | '''Ned:''' Howdily doodily, there, President Bush—or should I say, "President Neighbor"! I'm Ned Flanders, and this is Maude, Rod, and Todd. | ||
| Line 105: | Line 105: | ||
'''Maude:''' What brings you to Springfield? | '''Maude:''' What brings you to Springfield? | ||
| − | '''Barbara:''' Well, George and I just wanted to be private citizens again—go where nobody cared about politics. | + | '''Barbara:''' Well, George and I just wanted to be private citizens again—go where nobody cared about politics. So we found the town with the lowest voter turnout in America. |
'''George:''' Just happy to be here among good, average people with no particular hopes or dreams. | '''George:''' Just happy to be here among good, average people with no particular hopes or dreams. | ||
| Line 111: | Line 111: | ||
'''Rod:''' But, Mr. President, we're not all good people. | '''Rod:''' But, Mr. President, we're not all good people. | ||
| − | '''Todd:''' There's one little boy you should watch out for. | + | '''Todd:''' There's one little boy you should watch out for. He's a bad, bad little boy. |
| − | '''Ned:''' [nervous laugh] Now Todd, don't scare the president. | + | '''Ned:''' ''[nervous laugh]'' Now Todd, don't scare the president. |
| − | [Bart skateboards by as evil music plays] | + | ''[Bart skateboards by as evil music plays]'' |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | (George Bush shows Bart a photo album.) | + | ''(George Bush shows Bart a photo album.)'' |
'''Bart:''' Who's that, George? | '''Bart:''' Who's that, George? | ||
| − | '''George Bush:''' That's me with Charlton Heston. He | + | '''George Bush:''' That's me with Charlton Heston. He was— |
| − | '''George Bush:''' Er...see, you wouldn't know him. That's Bob Mosbacher. He was secretary of— | + | '''Bart:''' Who's that, George? |
| + | |||
| + | '''George Bush:''' Er... see, you wouldn't know him. That's Bob Mosbacher. He was secretary of— | ||
'''Bart:''' That's a dumb name. Who's that, George? | '''Bart:''' That's a dumb name. Who's that, George? | ||
| Line 135: | Line 137: | ||
'''Bart:''' Yeah? Well, welcome to the 20th century, George! | '''Bart:''' Yeah? Well, welcome to the 20th century, George! | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '''Homer:''' Oh, man | + | '''Homer:''' Oh, man! I've only got one minute 'till they stop serving those breakfast balls! ''[stops behind Bush at the drive thru]'' |
| − | '''George:''' Let's see, now...what do you folks have here, huh? | + | '''George:''' Let's see, now... what do you folks have here, huh? Hmm, a "Krusty Burger"... that doesn't sound too appetizing. What kind of stew do you have today? |
| − | '''Boy:''' [through order box] Uh...we don't have stew. | + | '''Boy:''' ''[through order box]'' Uh... we don't have stew. |
| − | [Homer honks impatiently] | + | ''[Homer honks impatiently]'' |
'''Ray:''' Sir, why don't you just have the cheeseburger? | '''Ray:''' Sir, why don't you just have the cheeseburger? | ||
| Line 147: | Line 149: | ||
'''George:''' Aw, that's really more of a weekend thing, Ray. | '''George:''' Aw, that's really more of a weekend thing, Ray. | ||
| − | '''Homer:''' Hey, jerk! | + | '''Homer:''' Hey, jerk! Move your fanny! |
| − | '''George:''' That guy's louder than World War II. | + | '''George:''' That guy's louder than World War II. Ray, go see what the rhubarb is, will you? |
| − | [Ray goes back toward Homer's car] | + | ''[Ray goes back toward Homer's car]'' |
'''Ray:''' Sir, could you pop your hood? | '''Ray:''' Sir, could you pop your hood? | ||
| − | [Homer does so; Ray disables the horn] | + | ''[Homer does so; Ray disables the horn]'' |
'''Homer:''' Hey: my taxes paid for that horn! | '''Homer:''' Hey: my taxes paid for that horn! | ||
| Line 161: | Line 163: | ||
'''Bart:''' Hey, where's your candy? | '''Bart:''' Hey, where's your candy? | ||
| − | '''George:''' We don't have any. | + | '''George:''' We don't have any. Now go away! |
| − | '''Barbara:''' George! | + | '''Barbara:''' George! Older people don't eat much candy, Bart, but I could bake you some cookies if you like. |
| − | '''George:''' [scoffs] Can't remember the last time she made cookies for me. | + | '''George:''' ''[scoffs]'' Can't remember the last time she made cookies for me. |
'''Barbara:''' What's that? | '''Barbara:''' What's that? | ||
| Line 171: | Line 173: | ||
'''George:''' Oh, nothing. | '''George:''' Oh, nothing. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '''Homer:''' All right, his story checks out. | + | '''Homer:''' All right, his story checks out. Marge, would you love me more if I were President? 'Cause I'll do it if it'll make you happy. |
| − | '''Marge:''' Homey, as long as you keep the car full of gas, I'm happy. [kisses him] | + | '''Marge:''' Homey, as long as you keep the car full of gas, I'm happy. ''[kisses him]'' |
| − | '''Homer:''' Well, you can always depend on that. [looks furtively out the window at the car] | + | '''Homer:''' Well, you can always depend on that. ''[looks furtively out the window at the car]'' |
---- | ---- | ||
'''Bart:''' Whoa man! | '''Bart:''' Whoa man! | ||
| − | '''George Bush:''' Whoa, nothing. I'm gonna do something your daddy should have done a long time ago. ( | + | '''George Bush:''' Whoa, nothing. I'm gonna do something your daddy should have done a long time ago. ''(lightly spanks Bart)'' Now go home and think about what you've done, young man. |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '''Homer:''' He spanked you? | + | '''Homer:''' He spanked you? You? Bart Simpson? |
'''Bart:''' I begged him to stop, but he said it was for the good of the nation. | '''Bart:''' I begged him to stop, but he said it was for the good of the nation. | ||
| − | '''Abe:''' Big deal! | + | '''Abe:''' Big deal! When I was a pup, we got spanked by Presidents till the cows came home. Grover Cleveland spanked me on two nonconsecutive occasions. |
| − | nonconsecutive occasions. | ||
'''Marge:''' Grampa, I know in your day, spanking was common, but Homer and I just don't believe in that kind of punishment. | '''Marge:''' Grampa, I know in your day, spanking was common, but Homer and I just don't believe in that kind of punishment. | ||
| − | '''Abe:''' And that's why your no-good kids are running wild! [points at Lisa, reading quietly] | + | '''Abe:''' And that's why your no-good kids are running wild! ''[points at Lisa, reading quietly]'' |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '''Homer:''' First Bush invades my home turf, then he takes my pals, then he makes fun of the way I talk—probably. Now he steals my right to raise a disobedient, smart-alecky son! | + | '''Homer:''' First Bush invades my home turf, then he takes my pals, then he makes fun of the way I talk—probably. Now he steals my right to raise a disobedient, smart-alecky son! Well, that's it! |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '''Homer:''' Hey! | + | '''Homer:''' Hey! You owe me an apology. |
| − | '''George:''' You owe me an apology. | + | '''George:''' You owe me an apology. If you were any kind of a father, you'd have disciplined that boy a long time ago. |
| − | '''Ray:''' You want to step back, Sir? | + | '''Ray:''' You want to step back, Sir? You're trampling the flowers. |
| − | '''Homer:''' Ooh! | + | '''Homer:''' Ooh! Hiding behind your goons, eh, Bush? Well you are a wimp! |
| − | '''George:''' [with trembling lips] Wimp, am I? | + | '''George:''' ''[with trembling lips]'' Wimp, am I? Agent Johnson, Agent Heintz, you men stand down. ''[the gate opens and Homer walks in]'' All |
| − | right, Mister | + | right, Mister, you want trouble? You're going to get trouble. |
'''Homer:''' Oh, I want trouble, all right. | '''Homer:''' Oh, I want trouble, all right. | ||
| Line 219: | Line 220: | ||
'''Homer:''' Trouble it is. | '''Homer:''' Trouble it is. | ||
| − | '''George:''' For you. | + | '''George:''' For you. ''[walks inside, slams door]'' |
'''Homer:''' For—d'oh! | '''Homer:''' For—d'oh! | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '''Barbara:''' [yawns] Why don't you just say you're sorry, George? | + | '''Barbara:''' ''[yawns]'' Why don't you just say you're sorry, George? |
| − | '''George:''' Because I'm right! | + | '''George:''' Because I'm right! Oh, no, I'm going to fix their wagon good. I've pulled some pranks in my time... ''[shakes spray paint]'' |
| − | [ A "Two Bad Neighbors" banner hangs from his house the next day] | + | ''[A "Two Bad Neighbors" banner hangs from his house the next day]'' |
| − | '''Hibbert:''' I don't understand. | + | '''Hibbert:''' I don't understand. Are you saying you and Barbara are bad neighbors? |
| − | '''George:''' No! | + | '''George:''' No! That's not Bar and me, it's them! |
'''Ned:''' Who, Maude and me? | '''Ned:''' Who, Maude and me? | ||
| − | '''George:''' No, the man and his boy. | + | '''George:''' No, the man and his boy. You know, the—the boy is named Bart. I don't know the name of the man. Bar! What's the name of the man? |
| − | '''Barbara:''' [off-camera] I'm not getting involved, George. | + | '''Barbara:''' ''[off-camera]'' I'm not getting involved, George. |
| − | '''George:''' Look, just never mind. | + | '''George:''' Look, just never mind. I thought the banner was pretty straightforward, but I'll just take it down. |
---- | ---- | ||
'''Barbara:''' I really feel awful about your lawn, Marge. George can be so stubborn when he thinks he's right. | '''Barbara:''' I really feel awful about your lawn, Marge. George can be so stubborn when he thinks he's right. | ||
| − | '''Marge:''' Well, Homer, too. | + | '''Marge:''' Well, Homer, too. They're so much alike. |
| − | '''Barbara:''' Too bad they got off on the wrong foot. | + | '''Barbara:''' Too bad they got off on the wrong foot. It's just like the Noriega thing. Now, he and George are the best of friends. |
---- | ---- | ||
'''Homer:''' For the last time, Bush, apologize for spanking my boy! | '''Homer:''' For the last time, Bush, apologize for spanking my boy! | ||
| Line 251: | Line 252: | ||
'''George Bush:''' No. You tell him to apologize for destroying my memoirs! | '''George Bush:''' No. You tell him to apologize for destroying my memoirs! | ||
| − | '''Homer:''' Bart, you never told me you destroyed his memoirs. (to Bush) Never! | + | '''Homer:''' Bart, you never told me you destroyed his memoirs. ''(to Bush)'' Never! |
---- | ---- | ||
'''George:''' I'm sorry I spanked your boy, Homer. | '''George:''' I'm sorry I spanked your boy, Homer. | ||
| − | '''Homer:''' Woo hoo! In your face, Bush. | + | '''Homer:''' Woo hoo! In your face, Bush. Now apologize for the tax hike. |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '''Barbara:''' It's a shame it didn't work out, Marge, but George just felt this neighborhood brought out the worst in him, and -- [Bush honks his horn impatiently] -- oh, my. | + | '''Barbara:''' It's a shame it didn't work out, Marge, but George just felt this neighborhood brought out the worst in him, and -- ''[Bush honks his horn impatiently]'' -- oh, my. Well, so long. ''[Barbara gets in and they drive off]'' |
'''Marge:''' Bye bye. | '''Marge:''' Bye bye. | ||
| Line 271: | Line 272: | ||
'''Gerald Ford:''' Well, why don't you come over and watch the game and we'll have nachos, and then some beer. | '''Gerald Ford:''' Well, why don't you come over and watch the game and we'll have nachos, and then some beer. | ||
| − | (Homer and Ford cross the street together.) | + | ''(Homer and Ford cross the street together.)'' |
'''Homer:''' Jerry, I think you and I are going to get along just-- | '''Homer:''' Jerry, I think you and I are going to get along just-- | ||
| − | (They both trip in Ford's driveway) | + | ''(They both trip in Ford's driveway)'' |
'''Homer & Ford:''' D'oh! | '''Homer & Ford:''' D'oh! | ||
{{Season 7|Q}} | {{Season 7|Q}} | ||
Revision as of 05:31, December 25, 2018
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Homer: Marge, I'm bored.
Marge: Why don't you read something?
Homer: Because I'm trying to reduce my boredom.
Marge: Well you could hand out these flyers for the neighborhood rummage sale? You get some fresh air and exercise!
Homer: Ehh, I'll do it anyway. [grabs Bart] Come on, boy, we're going to see the neighbors!
Homer: Good old Evergreen Terrace: the swankiest street in the classiest part of Pressboard Estates.
Bart: Well if you love it so much, why are you always littering?
Homer: [finishing a canned drink] It's easier, duh. [litters]
Apu: Howdy, neighbors! May I spray you with the hose in a playful fashion?
Homer: Uh... spray the boy. [Apu sprays Bart]
Homer: Hey! I never noticed this place.
Bart: Dad, it's right across the street from us! That fancy house'll never sell. Nobody who could afford it would want to live in this neighborhood.
Homer: Hey, what's wrong with this neighborhood? [at the house] Big shot! Too good to buy a house here, snobby?
Bart: Who are you talking to, Homer?
Homer: The guy who doesn't live there.
Marge: Can we get rid of this Ayatollah T-shirt? Khomeini died years ago.
Homer: But, Marge! It works on any Ayatollah: Ayatollah Nakhbadeh, Ayatollah Zahedi... even as we speak, Ayatollah Razmada and his cadre of fanatics are consolidating their power.
Marge: I don't care who's consolidating their power. [holds up something else] Well, we don't need this.
Homer: [sputters] Marge! That's the Rhinestone Nights Fashion Gun. I need it to rhinestone up my old clothing. [holds up a jacket]
Marge: [reading the jacket] Who's "Disco Stu"?
Homer: Oh, er, I wanted to write "Disco Stud" but I ran out of space.
Ned: Well sir, looks like we've got us some nice items at table Glick! Like this... what the heck-a-roonie is this, Mrs. Glick?
Mrs. Glick: It's a candy dish, Ned. 90 dollars!
Ned: Uh-huh... well.. I.. uh... I guess you could put a lot of nice things in there!
Mrs. Glick: No! Just candy, Ned. 90 dollars!
Marge: Are you interesting in that motorized tie rack, Principal Skinner? [turns it on]
Skinner: Hmm. It's awfully loud.
Marge: Well, you can always take the motor out and use it as an ordinary tie rack. [does so]
Skinner: [scoffs] But now the ties are motionless, and those in back are virtually inaccessible. Well, it's a moot point, as I have only one tie to begin with. I believe I'll pass. [walks off] [pops head back] Have you sold that tie rack yet?
Marge: No.
Skinner: I'll take it.
Ned: Now, folks, nothing spells "fun" like rhinestones on a dungaree jacket! [holds up "Disco Stu" jacket]
Man: Stu! You should buy that!
Disco Stu: Hey! Disco Stu doesn't advertise.
Homer: [singing] Hey, big spender, dig this blender! Rainbow suspenders—hey, big spender!
Everyone: We surrender!
Homer: [singing] Speeend some dough at table three.
[everyone cheers and holds up money]
George: Hi there, neighbors. Uh, I'm... George Bush. [everyone stares] Former president George Bush?
Everyone: Oh, OK! [mild applause]
Bart: Wow, a former president living right across the street.
Homer: Oh, why did he have to move in on my territory? Look at him. Thinks just because he led the free world, he can act like a big shot! Stupid President... why couldn't he just stay in his own state?
Lisa: Actually, this is one of the nine states where Mr. Bush claims residency, Dad. I wouldn't have voted for him, but it's nice to have a celebrity in the neighborhood.
Ned: Howdily doodily, there, President Bush—or should I say, "President Neighbor"! I'm Ned Flanders, and this is Maude, Rod, and Todd.
George Bush: Well, howdily doodily yourself, there, Ned. This is my wife Barbara. I call her Bar. Would you like some lemonade?
Ned: Tip top notch!
George Bush: Okily dokily!
Ned: Thankily dankily!
George Bush: Scrump-diddley-eriffic!
Both: Fine and dandy like sour candy!
Maude: What brings you to Springfield?
Barbara: Well, George and I just wanted to be private citizens again—go where nobody cared about politics. So we found the town with the lowest voter turnout in America.
George: Just happy to be here among good, average people with no particular hopes or dreams.
Rod: But, Mr. President, we're not all good people.
Todd: There's one little boy you should watch out for. He's a bad, bad little boy.
Ned: [nervous laugh] Now Todd, don't scare the president.
[Bart skateboards by as evil music plays]
(George Bush shows Bart a photo album.)
Bart: Who's that, George?
George Bush: That's me with Charlton Heston. He was—
Bart: Who's that, George?
George Bush: Er... see, you wouldn't know him. That's Bob Mosbacher. He was secretary of—
Bart: That's a dumb name. Who's that, George?
George Bush: Maybe he thinks "Bart" is a dumb—
Bart: How many times were you president, George?
George Bush: You know, in my day, little boys didn't call their elders by their first name.
Bart: Yeah? Well, welcome to the 20th century, George!
Homer: Oh, man! I've only got one minute 'till they stop serving those breakfast balls! [stops behind Bush at the drive thru]
George: Let's see, now... what do you folks have here, huh? Hmm, a "Krusty Burger"... that doesn't sound too appetizing. What kind of stew do you have today?
Boy: [through order box] Uh... we don't have stew.
[Homer honks impatiently]
Ray: Sir, why don't you just have the cheeseburger?
George: Aw, that's really more of a weekend thing, Ray.
Homer: Hey, jerk! Move your fanny!
George: That guy's louder than World War II. Ray, go see what the rhubarb is, will you?
[Ray goes back toward Homer's car]
Ray: Sir, could you pop your hood?
[Homer does so; Ray disables the horn]
Homer: Hey: my taxes paid for that horn!
Bart: Hey, where's your candy?
George: We don't have any. Now go away!
Barbara: George! Older people don't eat much candy, Bart, but I could bake you some cookies if you like.
George: [scoffs] Can't remember the last time she made cookies for me.
Barbara: What's that?
George: Oh, nothing.
Homer: All right, his story checks out. Marge, would you love me more if I were President? 'Cause I'll do it if it'll make you happy.
Marge: Homey, as long as you keep the car full of gas, I'm happy. [kisses him]
Homer: Well, you can always depend on that. [looks furtively out the window at the car]
Bart: Whoa man!
George Bush: Whoa, nothing. I'm gonna do something your daddy should have done a long time ago. (lightly spanks Bart) Now go home and think about what you've done, young man.
Homer: He spanked you? You? Bart Simpson?
Bart: I begged him to stop, but he said it was for the good of the nation.
Abe: Big deal! When I was a pup, we got spanked by Presidents till the cows came home. Grover Cleveland spanked me on two nonconsecutive occasions.
Marge: Grampa, I know in your day, spanking was common, but Homer and I just don't believe in that kind of punishment.
Abe: And that's why your no-good kids are running wild! [points at Lisa, reading quietly]
Homer: First Bush invades my home turf, then he takes my pals, then he makes fun of the way I talk—probably. Now he steals my right to raise a disobedient, smart-alecky son! Well, that's it!
Homer: Hey! You owe me an apology.
George: You owe me an apology. If you were any kind of a father, you'd have disciplined that boy a long time ago.
Ray: You want to step back, Sir? You're trampling the flowers.
Homer: Ooh! Hiding behind your goons, eh, Bush? Well you are a wimp!
George: [with trembling lips] Wimp, am I? Agent Johnson, Agent Heintz, you men stand down. [the gate opens and Homer walks in] All right, Mister, you want trouble? You're going to get trouble.
Homer: Oh, I want trouble, all right.
George: Then you're going to get trouble.
Homer: No, you're going to get trouble.
George: Oh, that's good, that's good, 'cause I want trouble.
Homer: Then we're agreed there'll be trouble.
George: Oh, yeah, lots of trouble.
Homer: Trouble it is.
George: For you. [walks inside, slams door]
Homer: For—d'oh!
Barbara: [yawns] Why don't you just say you're sorry, George?
George: Because I'm right! Oh, no, I'm going to fix their wagon good. I've pulled some pranks in my time... [shakes spray paint]
[A "Two Bad Neighbors" banner hangs from his house the next day]
Hibbert: I don't understand. Are you saying you and Barbara are bad neighbors?
George: No! That's not Bar and me, it's them!
Ned: Who, Maude and me?
George: No, the man and his boy. You know, the—the boy is named Bart. I don't know the name of the man. Bar! What's the name of the man?
Barbara: [off-camera] I'm not getting involved, George.
George: Look, just never mind. I thought the banner was pretty straightforward, but I'll just take it down.
Barbara: I really feel awful about your lawn, Marge. George can be so stubborn when he thinks he's right.
Marge: Well, Homer, too. They're so much alike.
Barbara: Too bad they got off on the wrong foot. It's just like the Noriega thing. Now, he and George are the best of friends.
Homer: For the last time, Bush, apologize for spanking my boy!
George Bush: No. You tell him to apologize for destroying my memoirs!
Homer: Bart, you never told me you destroyed his memoirs. (to Bush) Never!
George: I'm sorry I spanked your boy, Homer.
Homer: Woo hoo! In your face, Bush. Now apologize for the tax hike.
Barbara: It's a shame it didn't work out, Marge, but George just felt this neighborhood brought out the worst in him, and -- [Bush honks his horn impatiently] -- oh, my. Well, so long. [Barbara gets in and they drive off]
Marge: Bye bye.
Gerald Ford: Say, Homer, do you like football?
Homer: Do I ever!
Gerald Ford: Do you like nachos?
Homer: Yes, Mr. Ford.
Gerald Ford: Well, why don't you come over and watch the game and we'll have nachos, and then some beer.
(Homer and Ford cross the street together.)
Homer: Jerry, I think you and I are going to get along just--
(They both trip in Ford's driveway)
Homer & Ford: D'oh!
