Difference between revisions of "The Otto Show/Quotes"

Revision as of 02:15, November 12, 2018

[Otto's apartment. Otto cannot open the door, and is oblivious to the sign on it.]

Sign: EVICTION NOTICE. YOU ARE ASKED TO VACATE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY.

Otto: Hey landlord, some clown changed my locks, padlocked the door and put up an eviction notice.

Landlord: Yeah, that was me.

Otto: You? Well um... why?

Landlord: Because you have not paid your rent.

Otto: Well, can't I at least get my stuff?

Landlord: I already got your personal possessions for you. All I found in there was a jar of mustard and a couple of old psycho magazines.

Otto: I do not believe it!... I have mustard?

Marge: Otto, you can't watch TV all day.

Otto: You're right. I should do some reading. You got any "Where's Waldo" books?

Marge: No.

Otto: A book from a vampire’s point of view?

Marge: No.

Otto: Anything where guys send in naked pictures of their chicks?

Marge: Otto, I think you should get a job.

Otto: The only job I was good at was driving a bus, and now "the man" says I need a piece of paper to do that.

[Otto starts playing guitar loudly.]

Homer: Will you knock it off!? I can't hear myself think.

[Otto stops.]

Homer's Head: I want some peanuts.

Homer: That's better.

Patty: Hello, my name is Patty. I will be testing you. When you are doing well I use the green pen. When you are doing poorly I use the red pen. Any questions?

Otto: You were a man once, were you not? You can tell me, I am open minded.

[Patty drops green pen.]

Patty: I will not be needing this.

Homer: Son, come here. Of course I'm not mad. If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing. You just stick that guitar in the garage next to your short-wave radio, your karate outfit, and your unicycle, and we'll go and watch TV.

Homer: All right, he can stay. But I get to treat him like garbage.

Otto: Wow! What's the catch?

Bart: Mom, I thought you might forget our little conversation this afternoon, so I took the precaution of recording it.

Marge: What conversation?

Bart: [on tape] Mom, can Otto live in our garage for as long as he wants? (impression of Marge) He sure can!

Homer: Marge! What were you thinking?

Marge: That's not my voice!

Homer: Oh, everybody says that when they hear themselves on tape.

Marge: I know we did not ask for this Homer, but does not the Bible say "Whatsoever you do unto the least of my children, that which you do unto Me?"

Homer: I think it also says "Thou shalt not...take moochers into thy hut."

Skinner: It's a miracle nobody was hurt.

Otto: I stand on my record. Fifteen crashes and not a single fatality

Homer: Now, boy, we spent a lot of money, so you'd better get real good real fast, or POW!

Marge: Homer!

Homer: Hey, I thought I was supposed to encourage him.

Lou: Let’s see your license, pal!

Otto: No can-do, never got one. But if you need proof of my identity I wrote my name on my underwear. Oh wait, these aren't mine!

Nelson: Hey Simpson, what are you trying to play?

Bart: Polly-Wally-Doodle.

Nelson: Oh yeah, well it sounds Polly-Wally-Crappy.

[Otto plays a series of heavy metal riffs on Bart's guitar, impressing the kids.]

Otto: Now I would like to slow it down a bit. [strums] Free Bird by Lynrd Skynrd

Otto: [singing] If I leave here tommorrow..

[Evergreen Terrace. Otto is oblivious to the fact he is supposed to be on the job. Cars have piled up behind the school bus and horns are blaring.]

Martin: Although I'm sure I will receive a severe wedgie from my bus-mates, I must remind you that we should have been at school ten minutes ago.

Otto: Uh oh, better fasten your seat belts, little dudes.

Lisa: We don't have seat belts.

Otto: Uh, well, then just try to go limp.

Bart: Otto, you are the coolest adult ever!

Otto: Wow! I've never been called an adult before, but I've been tried as one.

Bart: Otto-Man? You're living in a dumpster?

Otto: Ho, man, I wish. Dumpster-brand trash bins are top-of-the-line. This is just a Trash-Co waste disposal unit.

Otto: I guess I am a bum...

Bart: Homer didn't call you a bum, he called you a sponge.

Otto: SPONGE?! (Punches wall) I'll show him what this sponge can do!

Spinal Tap: I just walked out there and there’s puddles of water all over the freakin’ stage.

Guy: Huh, I don’t wanna lie to you boys. Six days a week this place is a hockey rink.

Spinal Tap: Yeah, well this is a rock concert, not the bleeding splish splash show.

Spinal Tap: Well, it seems some silly twit did not get a big enough oxygen tank, but that's supposed to be a devil. Filled up with air it's very evil and impressive. We salute you, our half inflated Dark Lord!

Kent Brockman: Of course, it would be wrong to suggest this sort of mayhem began with rock-and-roll. After all, there were riots at the premiere of Mozart's "The Magic Flute." So, what's the answer? Ban all music? In this reporter’s opinion, the answer, sadly, is 'yes'.

Bart: Mom, I wanna be a rock star.

Marge: Hmmmmm we'll discuss it later. Is Milhouse okay?

Homer: Uh, I'll be right back....

Milhouse: [at the arena lying under a pile of folding chairs] Heeeelp.

Principal Skinner: [to Otto] Well, that tears it. Until you get a license and wear your own underwear, mister, you are suspended without pay!

Otto: Please let me stay here. I've got nowhere else to go!

Homer: Forget it! That line didn't work for my dad, and it's not going to work for you!

Homer: Listen, you drain-clogging, last-cookie-eating, collect-call-getting sponge! I want you out of my house!

Bart: Rough day, Apu? Help me a squishee and don't spare the syrup.

Apu: Oh, perhaps you would like to try an experimental flavor of my own concoction. A delicious Chutney Squishee.

Bart: Oh... okay... slurp

Apu: You can really taste the chutney!