Difference between revisions of "The Yes-Man Who Would Be King/Quotes"
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| − | + | {{qf|[[Mr. Burns]]}} Well done, Smithers. You make a fine substitute hat rack. | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Waylon Smithers]]}} When will your elephant-ivory hat-rack come back from the polisher's, sir? | |
| + | {{qf|Mr. Burns}} Tomorrow. So I'll need you to stand here all night. And don't move--I don't like it when hat racks move, unless they're featured in a musical number in a jolly cartoon. | ||
| + | {{qf|Smithers}} I'll be here, sir. Not moving. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Mr. Burns}} I couldn't sleep last night, so I watched "The Making of 'I'll Take Sweden.'" That [[Anita Ekberg]] is quite a dish. Consequently, I have a yen for Swedish food. Scamper down to Little Stockholm and fetch me some rollmops, herring-mit-brod and aquavit. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Smithers}} I'll be back before you can say "Kalhyggen och forbranning," sir! | |
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---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Smithers}} I can't find gravlax. How can there be meaning in life? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Swedish employee}} There is no meaning. All life is an agony of winter winds and sorrow. But smoked fish is on aisle three. | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|[[Olav Gustavson]]}} Mr. Smithers, the current [[King of Sweden]] is at death's door, making me sad. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Mr. Burns}} Heh, heh. Another old foe I've out-lived! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Olav Gustavson}} You are exactly like the King in both spit and image! | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Inga Carlsdottir]]}} The current King has no heir. It is ninety-nine percent certain that you, Waylon Smithers, are the last in the royal line! | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Gretta Lillquist]]}} But we must make sure. I'm here to administer a blood test, followed by a full-body massage. | |
| + | {{qf|Smithers}} I might be the King of Sweden? | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|[[Helen Lovejoy]]}} ...That Waylon Smithers might be the real King of Sweden! | |
| + | {{qf|[[Edna Krabappel]]}} Well, he won't be producing any heirs. | ||
| + | {{qf|Edna Krabappel}} ...So he'd probably get to live in a big palace! | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Principal Skinner]]}} ...Servants catering to his every whim! | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Chief Wiggum]]}} ...Painting dwarves gold and using 'em as life-sized chess pieces! | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Moe Szyslak]]}} ...Indoor horse-racing, naked twister, dogs dressed like people! | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Barney Gumble]]}} ...A whole room made of beef jerky. Furniture, carpet, everything! And a lake made of beer and a staff to row you around while you drink! | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Groundskeeper Willie]]}} And they're well-nigh slaves! It's how he does wi' everyone. And if ya disagree--they clap ya in irons an' intae the dungeon wi' ye! | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Apu]]}} Property seizures! Beatings! Random arrests! Torture! Just' like home. | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Homer]]}} Today I saw a cloud that looked like a choo-choo! | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Marge]]}} I hear Waylon Smithers might be the real King of Sweden! | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Heh, heh. You and your stories. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Mr. Burns, I was told you want to see me. I'm sorry I accidentally released radioactive waste into the city's water supply! | ||
| + | {{qf|Mr. Burns}} Good lord, you really did that? | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Yes, I di--um... I mean...that is...what did you want to see me about? | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Willie}} Och! And ye call yerself a king! A king should stand six feet tall and weigh twenty stone. Yer nothing but a spectacle-wearin' couf with a shelf full o' [[Malibu Stacy]] dolls. | ||
| + | {{qf|Principal Skinner}} And you certainly don't display the sort of temperate, law-giving wisdom of, for instance, a Chuck Heston. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Dr. Hibbert]]}} Krusty's fence is three feet onto my property. I want to build a tool shed there. He should move that fence. | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Krusty]]}} When I built that fence, saw-bones here agreed it was on the property line! I need that space now. I got my in-laws buried there! | ||
| + | {{qf|Smithers}} Dr. Hibbert, build your shed on stilts. That way, Krusty's family stays buried, you can have your tool shed, and a lovely view to boot. | ||
| + | {{qf|Dr. Hibbert}} Sounds fair to me. | ||
| + | {{qf|Krusty}} As long as I can keep my mother-in-law where she is. The tomatoes I planted on top of her are coming in like gangbusters! | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Lisa]]}} Excuse me, but we should think twice before we hand over complete authority to any one man. We live in a system of checks and balances to prevent the tyranny which inevitably flows from absolute power. | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Otto Mann]]}} Get the little girl! | ||
| + | {{qf|Moe}} She's trying to keep us free. Destroy her! | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Ralph Wiggum]]}} I love Lisa, but she has to stop living! | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Lisa}} Clearly, our first priority is a plan of action to eliminate Mr. Smithers' tyranny. Ideas? | ||
| + | {{qf|Principal Skinner}} I think we need to change our slogan. There's no verb. As it's written, "free" is adjectival. | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Reverend Lovejoy]]}} I'd like something that invokes the Creator, to ensure divine benediction on our upcoming mayhem. | ||
| + | {{qf|Willie}} To my mind, a logo is nae a logo if it dinna show a royal gettin' his poncey skull battered in wi' a jagged rock. | ||
| + | {{qf|Apu}} I think there should be an elephant. | ||
| + | {{qf|Lisa}} Can we focus on our goal, please? | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Lisa}} I propose we kidnap Smithers and set him adrift. He'll float to sea, where he can be taken to Sweden. Springfield will never lose its liberty. | ||
| + | {{qf|Principal Skinner}} Seems fine. | ||
| + | {{qf|Reverend Lovejoy}} I agree with that. | ||
| + | {{qf|Willie}} I vote "aye," with the wee change that we use an oar to batter his brains into paste. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Edna Krabappel}} Now we have to run our own lives! | ||
| + | {{qf|Moe}} Please, kill me! I can't face life! | ||
| + | {{qf|Smithers}} I know you all think I'm a king. I've heard the whispers. I've felt your stares. But I'm not a king. I'm just like you. I get up in the morning, have breakfast, and sew rhinestone outfits for my Malibu Stacy dolls. I read the test results, Mr. Burns. I'm not the King of Sweden. I'm just a humble man who wants nothing more than to rub soothing emollients on your bedsores. | ||
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{{DEFAULTSORT:Yes-Man Who Would Be King/Quotes, The}} | {{DEFAULTSORT:Yes-Man Who Would Be King/Quotes, The}} | ||
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| + | [[Category:Simpsons Comics stories quotes]] | ||
Latest revision as of 13:30, May 27, 2026
- Mr. Burns: Well done, Smithers. You make a fine substitute hat rack.
- Waylon Smithers: When will your elephant-ivory hat-rack come back from the polisher's, sir?
- Mr. Burns: Tomorrow. So I'll need you to stand here all night. And don't move--I don't like it when hat racks move, unless they're featured in a musical number in a jolly cartoon.
- Smithers: I'll be here, sir. Not moving.
- Mr. Burns: I couldn't sleep last night, so I watched "The Making of 'I'll Take Sweden.'" That Anita Ekberg is quite a dish. Consequently, I have a yen for Swedish food. Scamper down to Little Stockholm and fetch me some rollmops, herring-mit-brod and aquavit.
- Smithers: I'll be back before you can say "Kalhyggen och forbranning," sir!
- Smithers: I can't find gravlax. How can there be meaning in life?
- Swedish employee: There is no meaning. All life is an agony of winter winds and sorrow. But smoked fish is on aisle three.
- Olav Gustavson: Mr. Smithers, the current King of Sweden is at death's door, making me sad.
- Mr. Burns: Heh, heh. Another old foe I've out-lived!
- Olav Gustavson: You are exactly like the King in both spit and image!
- Inga Carlsdottir: The current King has no heir. It is ninety-nine percent certain that you, Waylon Smithers, are the last in the royal line!
- Gretta Lillquist: But we must make sure. I'm here to administer a blood test, followed by a full-body massage.
- Smithers: I might be the King of Sweden?
- Helen Lovejoy: ...That Waylon Smithers might be the real King of Sweden!
- Edna Krabappel: Well, he won't be producing any heirs.
- Edna Krabappel: ...So he'd probably get to live in a big palace!
- Principal Skinner: ...Servants catering to his every whim!
- Chief Wiggum: ...Painting dwarves gold and using 'em as life-sized chess pieces!
- Moe Szyslak: ...Indoor horse-racing, naked twister, dogs dressed like people!
- Barney Gumble: ...A whole room made of beef jerky. Furniture, carpet, everything! And a lake made of beer and a staff to row you around while you drink!
- Groundskeeper Willie: And they're well-nigh slaves! It's how he does wi' everyone. And if ya disagree--they clap ya in irons an' intae the dungeon wi' ye!
- Apu: Property seizures! Beatings! Random arrests! Torture! Just' like home.
- Homer: Today I saw a cloud that looked like a choo-choo!
- Marge: I hear Waylon Smithers might be the real King of Sweden!
- Homer: Heh, heh. You and your stories.
- Homer: Mr. Burns, I was told you want to see me. I'm sorry I accidentally released radioactive waste into the city's water supply!
- Mr. Burns: Good lord, you really did that?
- Homer: Yes, I di--um... I mean...that is...what did you want to see me about?
- Willie: Och! And ye call yerself a king! A king should stand six feet tall and weigh twenty stone. Yer nothing but a spectacle-wearin' couf with a shelf full o' Malibu Stacy dolls.
- Principal Skinner: And you certainly don't display the sort of temperate, law-giving wisdom of, for instance, a Chuck Heston.
- Dr. Hibbert: Krusty's fence is three feet onto my property. I want to build a tool shed there. He should move that fence.
- Krusty: When I built that fence, saw-bones here agreed it was on the property line! I need that space now. I got my in-laws buried there!
- Smithers: Dr. Hibbert, build your shed on stilts. That way, Krusty's family stays buried, you can have your tool shed, and a lovely view to boot.
- Dr. Hibbert: Sounds fair to me.
- Krusty: As long as I can keep my mother-in-law where she is. The tomatoes I planted on top of her are coming in like gangbusters!
- Lisa: Excuse me, but we should think twice before we hand over complete authority to any one man. We live in a system of checks and balances to prevent the tyranny which inevitably flows from absolute power.
- Otto Mann: Get the little girl!
- Moe: She's trying to keep us free. Destroy her!
- Ralph Wiggum: I love Lisa, but she has to stop living!
- Lisa: Clearly, our first priority is a plan of action to eliminate Mr. Smithers' tyranny. Ideas?
- Principal Skinner: I think we need to change our slogan. There's no verb. As it's written, "free" is adjectival.
- Reverend Lovejoy: I'd like something that invokes the Creator, to ensure divine benediction on our upcoming mayhem.
- Willie: To my mind, a logo is nae a logo if it dinna show a royal gettin' his poncey skull battered in wi' a jagged rock.
- Apu: I think there should be an elephant.
- Lisa: Can we focus on our goal, please?
- Lisa: I propose we kidnap Smithers and set him adrift. He'll float to sea, where he can be taken to Sweden. Springfield will never lose its liberty.
- Principal Skinner: Seems fine.
- Reverend Lovejoy: I agree with that.
- Willie: I vote "aye," with the wee change that we use an oar to batter his brains into paste.
- Edna Krabappel: Now we have to run our own lives!
- Moe: Please, kill me! I can't face life!
- Smithers: I know you all think I'm a king. I've heard the whispers. I've felt your stares. But I'm not a king. I'm just like you. I get up in the morning, have breakfast, and sew rhinestone outfits for my Malibu Stacy dolls. I read the test results, Mr. Burns. I'm not the King of Sweden. I'm just a humble man who wants nothing more than to rub soothing emollients on your bedsores.
