Difference between revisions of "One Flu Over Springfield/Quotes"
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:''[At the [[Kwik-E-Mart]], an obviously ill man sneezes on a package of cold/flu [[Flu Fighters|medication]] as he approaches the counter.]'' | :''[At the [[Kwik-E-Mart]], an obviously ill man sneezes on a package of cold/flu [[Flu Fighters|medication]] as he approaches the counter.]'' | ||
| − | + | {{qf|[[Flu Sufferer]]}} Wow, I need something strong to dry up all this nose gravy! I hope this medication helps. | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Apu]]}} I am sorry, sir, but I cannot be accepting your disease-tinged currency! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Flu Sufferer}} Well, how else am I supposed to pay for it?! | |
:''[Just then, [[Snake]] bursts into the store, wearing a ski mask and brandishing a pistol.]'' | :''[Just then, [[Snake]] bursts into the store, wearing a ski mask and brandishing a pistol.]'' | ||
| − | + | {{qf|[[Snake Jailbird]]}} Like, totally freeze and give me your wallet pronto! ''[He makes the theft and exits.]'' | |
| − | + | {{qf|Flu Sufferer}} Hey, he took my medicine, too! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Apu}} Do not worry. I had pressed my panic button for the police to come and remove you from the store! Now they can take you and that no-goodnik away! | |
---- | ---- | ||
:''[Outside the store, Snake revels in his success.]'' | :''[Outside the store, Snake revels in his success.]'' | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Snake}} Ahh, the sweet smell of illegally gotten gains! ''[sniffs the Flu Sufferer's wallet]'' | |
:''[The sound of sirens is heard in the distance. The sound gets closer and a police car comes into view.]'' | :''[The sound of sirens is heard in the distance. The sound gets closer and a police car comes into view.]'' | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Snake}} Oh, cheese and crackers ... The fuzz! ''[He gets into his car and drives off.]'' | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Chief Wiggum]]}} ''[in pursuit, using a megaphone]'' ALLEGED PERPETRATOR, PULL OVER OR I WILL BE FORCED TO SHOOT! | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Lou]]}} ''[handling the wheel while Wiggum leans out the window with the megaphone]'' Um, Chief, how do we know for sure that's the guy we're supposed to be chasing? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Wiggum}} Lou, you know I'm a shoot-first, lawsuit-later cop! Now, hold 'er steady! | |
---- | ---- | ||
:''[Meanwhile, in the car being chased ...]'' | :''[Meanwhile, in the car being chased ...]'' | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Snake}} Whoa, totally not feeling awesome anymore! Ahh ... ahh ... ahh... choo! ''[He sneezes, coating the steering wheel with phlegm.]'' Grody! | |
:''[Snake's car goes into a spin on the snow-packed street.]'' | :''[Snake's car goes into a spin on the snow-packed street.]'' | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Snake}} Uh-oh...So not cool! ''[He crashes into a snowbank at the base of the [[Lard Lad]] statue, then gets out of the car and runs away on foot.]'' | |
---- | ---- | ||
:''[A moment later, Chief Wiggum and Lou arrive at Snake's crashed car.]'' | :''[A moment later, Chief Wiggum and Lou arrive at Snake's crashed car.]'' | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Wiggum}} ''[using megaphone]'' CITIZEN, COME OUT WITH YOUR MITTENS UP! | |
| − | :'' | + | :''[No response. They approach the car: Lou first, followed closely by Wiggum.]'' |
| − | + | {{qf|Wiggum}} ''[still using megaphone]'' LOOKS LIKE HE GOT AWAY, LOU! | |
| − | + | :''[Lou jumps, due to the megaphone-in-the-ear treatment, but quickly recovers his composure.]'' | |
| − | + | {{qf|Lou}} Got some tracks in the snow, Chief. We should follow them! | |
| + | {{qf|Wiggum}} ''[noticing the phlegm on the steering wheel]'' Not so fast. The perp left behind some DNA to collect! | ||
| + | {{qf|Lou}} Uhh...Doesn't it just make more sense to go after him? | ||
| + | {{qf|Wiggum}} In this weather? Brrrr! Instead, let's take this unidentified body fluid to our lab, which will take weeks to analyze it, and may or may not I.D. who this scuzz-bucket truly is! ''[He scoops up some phlegm with his bare hand and puts it into a Petri dish.]'' | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :''[Later in the day, Chief Wiggum arrives [[ | + | :''[Later in the day, Chief Wiggum arrives [[Wiggum house|home]] looking unwell, with a red nose and sniffles.]'' |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Sarah Wiggum]]}} Clancy, you're home early! Are you feeling all right? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Wiggum}} Ehh...not so much. Think I'm just gonna lie down for a bit, dear. ''[He puts his keys, a handful of bullets, and the Petri dish of phlegm into a bowl.]'' | |
| − | + | {{qf|Sarah Wiggum}} You rest, Clancy, and I'll come get you when dinner's ready. ''[She walks him to the bedroom.]'' | |
:''<nowiki>[</nowiki>[[Ralph]] enters the room, looks into the bowl, and sees the Petri dish.]'' | :''<nowiki>[</nowiki>[[Ralph]] enters the room, looks into the bowl, and sees the Petri dish.]'' | ||
| − | + | {{qf|[[Ralph Wiggum]]}} Daddy's stink breath candy! He won't notice if I take one or ten. ''[opens the dish and runs his fingers through it]'' This isn't candy! It's some sort of paste! Ohh...I know what I can use this stuff for! | |
---- | ---- | ||
:''[That evening, Ralph is at [[742 Evergreen Terrace|the Simpson home]], where he and [[Lisa]] are partners on a school project. Ralph holds the Petri dish while Lisa dips her fingers into the contents and uses them as paste for a diorama.]'' | :''[That evening, Ralph is at [[742 Evergreen Terrace|the Simpson home]], where he and [[Lisa]] are partners on a school project. Ralph holds the Petri dish while Lisa dips her fingers into the contents and uses them as paste for a diorama.]'' | ||
| − | + | {{qf|[[Lisa]]}} Are you sure this stuff is paste, Ralph? It feels...different. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Ralph}} Only one way to know for sure... ''[dips his fingers into the dish and takes a taste, smearing his lips and tongue with it]'' It doesn't taste like paste, but maybe it's the kind policey men use to make their handcuffs stick? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Lisa}} Twenty-eight other kids in class and I get paired with you as my partner? "Top of the world, Ma..." ''[points at the door]'' Go wash your face, Ralph! | |
:''[Ralph heads for the bathroom. On the way, he meets up with [[Santa's Little Helper]].]'' | :''[Ralph heads for the bathroom. On the way, he meets up with [[Santa's Little Helper]].]'' | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Ralph}} Hey, boy, I bet you can help me get this stuff off! | |
:''[SLH enthusiastically licks Ralph's face and does just that. Then the doorbell rings and SLH runs toward the stairs and the front door.]'' | :''[SLH enthusiastically licks Ralph's face and does just that. Then the doorbell rings and SLH runs toward the stairs and the front door.]'' | ||
---- | ---- | ||
:''[At the front door, [[Homer]] and [[Marge]] are dressed for an evening out and Marge is holding [[Maggie]]. [[Moe]] has just come inside.]'' | :''[At the front door, [[Homer]] and [[Marge]] are dressed for an evening out and Marge is holding [[Maggie]]. [[Moe]] has just come inside.]'' | ||
| − | + | {{qf|[[Moe Szyslak]]}} ''[holding out his arms for Maggie]'' There's my favorite girl! Give us a hug already... ''[Santa's Little Helper comes bounding down the stairs, leaps into Moe's arms, and licks him on the face.]'' All right, all right...I love you too, you silly mutt! | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Marge]]}} Thanks for baby-sitting Maggie for us, Moe. I think she's more excited about our date night than we are! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Moe}} No worries, Midge. We're gonna have a great time watching that ''Real Midwives of Amish Country'' marathon on {{W|Bravo (American TV channel|Bravo}}! ''[He sets SLH down on the floor, takes Maggie from Marge, and gives Maggie a kiss.]'' | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Homer]]}} C'mon, Marge, my belly is so empty, it's using curse words! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} We'll be back before eleven. You have my cell number if you need it. Have fun! ''[gives Maggie a kiss]'' Good night, sweetie. Mommy will see you in the morning! | |
---- | ---- | ||
| + | :''[The next morning, [[Bart]] is utterly shocked when he sees that the rest of the family is sick.]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Bart]]}} Aye, carumba! What happened to you guys?! | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Lisa]]}} ''[sniffles]'' We all caught a flu bug overnight! | ||
| + | {{qf|Bart}} I better hightail out of here before you all get me sick, too! | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Wait, Bart...We're of tissues. Can you go to the Kwik-E-Mart and get some more? | ||
| + | {{qf|Lisa}} And some chicken noodle soup? | ||
| + | {{qf|Marge}} A hug from my special little guy will make me feel better! | ||
| + | :''[They all stretch their arms out toward Bart. He rebuffs everyone and makes a dash for the front door.]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|Bart}} I never thought I'd say these words, but I can't wait to get to school! | ||
| + | :''[Bart gets to the front door and grabs his coat. He hears the school bus honking outside and notices that Santa's Little Helper is chewing on his mittens.]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|Bart}} Aw, c'mon, boy! That's the bus, I don't have time to go find another set of mittens! | ||
| + | :''[Bart tries and fails to get the mittens out of SLH's mouth. In the process, he coats his hands with drool.]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|Bart}} Gross, man! ''[The bus honks again and Bart runs out the door.]'' Fine, I'll just blow on my hands to keep them warm! Stupid dog! | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | :''[Later, at [[Springfield Elementary School|school]], Bart exchanges {{W|High five|high-fives}} with [[Milhouse]].]'' | ||
| + | :''[In the cafeteria line, Milhouse handles several pieces of fruit while trying to make up his mind which one to take. [[Principal Skinner]] eats one of the apples that Milhouse touched.]'' | ||
| + | :''[After lunch, Skinner and [[Mrs. Krabappel]] kiss during a make-out session in the teachers' lounge.]'' | ||
| + | :''[Shortly after that, Mrs. Krabappel is back in her classroom, coughing as she hands out graded quizzes to the class.]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Mrs. Krabappel]]}} Okay, students, I've graded your pop quizzes from yesterday... | ||
| + | {{qf|Bart}} ''[raising hand, looking unwell]'' Uhh...Miss Krabappel? I don't feel so good. | ||
| + | {{qf|Mrs. Krabappel}} After what you scored on the quiz, neither would I, Bart. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | :''[The next morning, [[Dr. Hibbert]] arrives at [[Springfield General Hospital]] to begin his workday. A frantic nurse runs outside to meet him.]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|Nurse}} Dr. Hibbert, thank God you're here! We have an emergency! | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Dr. Hibbert]]}} ''[chuckles]'' What is it?? | ||
| + | {{qf|Nurse}} Follow me! | ||
| + | :''[They go inside. Hibbert is aghast at the sight of his waiting room filled with sick people.]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|Nurse}} I think the entire city has come down with the flu! | ||
| + | :''[Among the patients is an obviously sick [[Kent Brockman]], who is talking into a rolled-up newspaper as though it were a microphone.]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Kent Brockman]]}} ''[coughs]'' Kent Brockman live with breaking news from the most popular place in town this morning...the doctor's office! In a related story, I have a fever of 107 and woke up in a pool of my own sweat! | ||
| + | {{qf|Dr. Hibbert}} My goodness, every one of my patients must have caught this bug! | ||
| + | {{qf|Nurse}} Almost. There's one person who cancelled his appointment this morning to leave town before he caught the flu, too! | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | :''[The scene shifts to [[Shelbyville International Airport]], where [[Comic Book Guy]] is waiting in line to board a plane.]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Comic Book Guy]]}} I drove all the way here to ensure I didn't have to breathe any more of that flu-infested Springfield air! ''[He shows his ticket to the gate agent.]'' The sooner I'm in the sky, the better! | ||
| + | {{qf|Agent}} Have a wonderful flight, sir. | ||
| + | :''[CBG boards the plane and looks for his seat.]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|Comic Book Guy}} 23A...23A? | ||
| + | {{qf|Flu Sufferer}} You found it, friend...right next to me. | ||
| + | :''[CBG takes his seat. They shake hands.]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|Comic Book Guy}} A pleasure to meet you. I'll try to refrain from reciting dialogue from the ''[[Doctor Who]]'' episodes I'll be watching during our flight! | ||
| + | {{qf|Flu Sufferer}} No worries. I'll be zonked out on my flu meds before we even take off. ''[They are interrupted by an announcement.]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|Pilot}} ''[on intercom]'' Ladies and gentleman, the plane doors are now closed, and we'll be in the air in just a few moments... | ||
| + | {{qf|Comic Book Guy}} ''[realizing what has just happened]'' Worst...ironic ending...ever. | ||
| + | |||
| + | [[Category:Simpsons Winter Wingding stories quotes]] | ||
Latest revision as of 17:23, April 1, 2024
- [At the Kwik-E-Mart, an obviously ill man sneezes on a package of cold/flu medication as he approaches the counter.]
- Flu Sufferer: Wow, I need something strong to dry up all this nose gravy! I hope this medication helps.
- Apu: I am sorry, sir, but I cannot be accepting your disease-tinged currency!
- Flu Sufferer: Well, how else am I supposed to pay for it?!
- [Just then, Snake bursts into the store, wearing a ski mask and brandishing a pistol.]
- Snake Jailbird: Like, totally freeze and give me your wallet pronto! [He makes the theft and exits.]
- Flu Sufferer: Hey, he took my medicine, too!
- Apu: Do not worry. I had pressed my panic button for the police to come and remove you from the store! Now they can take you and that no-goodnik away!
- [Outside the store, Snake revels in his success.]
- Snake: Ahh, the sweet smell of illegally gotten gains! [sniffs the Flu Sufferer's wallet]
- [The sound of sirens is heard in the distance. The sound gets closer and a police car comes into view.]
- Snake: Oh, cheese and crackers ... The fuzz! [He gets into his car and drives off.]
- Chief Wiggum: [in pursuit, using a megaphone] ALLEGED PERPETRATOR, PULL OVER OR I WILL BE FORCED TO SHOOT!
- Lou: [handling the wheel while Wiggum leans out the window with the megaphone] Um, Chief, how do we know for sure that's the guy we're supposed to be chasing?
- Wiggum: Lou, you know I'm a shoot-first, lawsuit-later cop! Now, hold 'er steady!
- [Meanwhile, in the car being chased ...]
- Snake: Whoa, totally not feeling awesome anymore! Ahh ... ahh ... ahh... choo! [He sneezes, coating the steering wheel with phlegm.] Grody!
- [Snake's car goes into a spin on the snow-packed street.]
- Snake: Uh-oh...So not cool! [He crashes into a snowbank at the base of the Lard Lad statue, then gets out of the car and runs away on foot.]
- [A moment later, Chief Wiggum and Lou arrive at Snake's crashed car.]
- Wiggum: [using megaphone] CITIZEN, COME OUT WITH YOUR MITTENS UP!
- [No response. They approach the car: Lou first, followed closely by Wiggum.]
- Wiggum: [still using megaphone] LOOKS LIKE HE GOT AWAY, LOU!
- [Lou jumps, due to the megaphone-in-the-ear treatment, but quickly recovers his composure.]
- Lou: Got some tracks in the snow, Chief. We should follow them!
- Wiggum: [noticing the phlegm on the steering wheel] Not so fast. The perp left behind some DNA to collect!
- Lou: Uhh...Doesn't it just make more sense to go after him?
- Wiggum: In this weather? Brrrr! Instead, let's take this unidentified body fluid to our lab, which will take weeks to analyze it, and may or may not I.D. who this scuzz-bucket truly is! [He scoops up some phlegm with his bare hand and puts it into a Petri dish.]
- [Later in the day, Chief Wiggum arrives home looking unwell, with a red nose and sniffles.]
- Sarah Wiggum: Clancy, you're home early! Are you feeling all right?
- Wiggum: Ehh...not so much. Think I'm just gonna lie down for a bit, dear. [He puts his keys, a handful of bullets, and the Petri dish of phlegm into a bowl.]
- Sarah Wiggum: You rest, Clancy, and I'll come get you when dinner's ready. [She walks him to the bedroom.]
- [Ralph enters the room, looks into the bowl, and sees the Petri dish.]
- Ralph Wiggum: Daddy's stink breath candy! He won't notice if I take one or ten. [opens the dish and runs his fingers through it] This isn't candy! It's some sort of paste! Ohh...I know what I can use this stuff for!
- [That evening, Ralph is at the Simpson home, where he and Lisa are partners on a school project. Ralph holds the Petri dish while Lisa dips her fingers into the contents and uses them as paste for a diorama.]
- Lisa: Are you sure this stuff is paste, Ralph? It feels...different.
- Ralph: Only one way to know for sure... [dips his fingers into the dish and takes a taste, smearing his lips and tongue with it] It doesn't taste like paste, but maybe it's the kind policey men use to make their handcuffs stick?
- Lisa: Twenty-eight other kids in class and I get paired with you as my partner? "Top of the world, Ma..." [points at the door] Go wash your face, Ralph!
- [Ralph heads for the bathroom. On the way, he meets up with Santa's Little Helper.]
- Ralph: Hey, boy, I bet you can help me get this stuff off!
- [SLH enthusiastically licks Ralph's face and does just that. Then the doorbell rings and SLH runs toward the stairs and the front door.]
- [At the front door, Homer and Marge are dressed for an evening out and Marge is holding Maggie. Moe has just come inside.]
- Moe Szyslak: [holding out his arms for Maggie] There's my favorite girl! Give us a hug already... [Santa's Little Helper comes bounding down the stairs, leaps into Moe's arms, and licks him on the face.] All right, all right...I love you too, you silly mutt!
- Marge: Thanks for baby-sitting Maggie for us, Moe. I think she's more excited about our date night than we are!
- Moe: No worries, Midge. We're gonna have a great time watching that Real Midwives of Amish Country marathon on Bravo! [He sets SLH down on the floor, takes Maggie from Marge, and gives Maggie a kiss.]
- Homer: C'mon, Marge, my belly is so empty, it's using curse words!
- Marge: We'll be back before eleven. You have my cell number if you need it. Have fun! [gives Maggie a kiss] Good night, sweetie. Mommy will see you in the morning!
- [The next morning, Bart is utterly shocked when he sees that the rest of the family is sick.]
- Bart: Aye, carumba! What happened to you guys?!
- Lisa: [sniffles] We all caught a flu bug overnight!
- Bart: I better hightail out of here before you all get me sick, too!
- Homer: Wait, Bart...We're of tissues. Can you go to the Kwik-E-Mart and get some more?
- Lisa: And some chicken noodle soup?
- Marge: A hug from my special little guy will make me feel better!
- [They all stretch their arms out toward Bart. He rebuffs everyone and makes a dash for the front door.]
- Bart: I never thought I'd say these words, but I can't wait to get to school!
- [Bart gets to the front door and grabs his coat. He hears the school bus honking outside and notices that Santa's Little Helper is chewing on his mittens.]
- Bart: Aw, c'mon, boy! That's the bus, I don't have time to go find another set of mittens!
- [Bart tries and fails to get the mittens out of SLH's mouth. In the process, he coats his hands with drool.]
- Bart: Gross, man! [The bus honks again and Bart runs out the door.] Fine, I'll just blow on my hands to keep them warm! Stupid dog!
- [Later, at school, Bart exchanges high-fives with Milhouse.]
- [In the cafeteria line, Milhouse handles several pieces of fruit while trying to make up his mind which one to take. Principal Skinner eats one of the apples that Milhouse touched.]
- [After lunch, Skinner and Mrs. Krabappel kiss during a make-out session in the teachers' lounge.]
- [Shortly after that, Mrs. Krabappel is back in her classroom, coughing as she hands out graded quizzes to the class.]
- Mrs. Krabappel: Okay, students, I've graded your pop quizzes from yesterday...
- Bart: [raising hand, looking unwell] Uhh...Miss Krabappel? I don't feel so good.
- Mrs. Krabappel: After what you scored on the quiz, neither would I, Bart.
- [The next morning, Dr. Hibbert arrives at Springfield General Hospital to begin his workday. A frantic nurse runs outside to meet him.]
- Nurse: Dr. Hibbert, thank God you're here! We have an emergency!
- Dr. Hibbert: [chuckles] What is it??
- Nurse: Follow me!
- [They go inside. Hibbert is aghast at the sight of his waiting room filled with sick people.]
- Nurse: I think the entire city has come down with the flu!
- [Among the patients is an obviously sick Kent Brockman, who is talking into a rolled-up newspaper as though it were a microphone.]
- Kent Brockman: [coughs] Kent Brockman live with breaking news from the most popular place in town this morning...the doctor's office! In a related story, I have a fever of 107 and woke up in a pool of my own sweat!
- Dr. Hibbert: My goodness, every one of my patients must have caught this bug!
- Nurse: Almost. There's one person who cancelled his appointment this morning to leave town before he caught the flu, too!
- [The scene shifts to Shelbyville International Airport, where Comic Book Guy is waiting in line to board a plane.]
- Comic Book Guy: I drove all the way here to ensure I didn't have to breathe any more of that flu-infested Springfield air! [He shows his ticket to the gate agent.] The sooner I'm in the sky, the better!
- Agent: Have a wonderful flight, sir.
- [CBG boards the plane and looks for his seat.]
- Comic Book Guy: 23A...23A?
- Flu Sufferer: You found it, friend...right next to me.
- [CBG takes his seat. They shake hands.]
- Comic Book Guy: A pleasure to meet you. I'll try to refrain from reciting dialogue from the Doctor Who episodes I'll be watching during our flight!
- Flu Sufferer: No worries. I'll be zonked out on my flu meds before we even take off. [They are interrupted by an announcement.]
- Pilot: [on intercom] Ladies and gentleman, the plane doors are now closed, and we'll be in the air in just a few moments...
- Comic Book Guy: [realizing what has just happened] Worst...ironic ending...ever.
