https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?action=history&feed=atom&title=You%27d_Better_Sloth_Around%21%2FQuotes 2026-06-04T05:38:08Z Revision history for this page on the wiki MediaWiki 1.29.0 https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=You%27d_Better_Sloth_Around!/Quotes&diff=1466342&oldid=prev 2026-06-03T17:02:46Z

<p>Created page with &quot;{{TabQ|nogags}} {{qf|<a href="/wiki/Marge" class="mw-redirect" title="Marge">Marge</a>}} Homer J. Simpson! {{qf|<a href="/wiki/Homer" class="mw-redirect" title="Homer">Homer</a>}} It&#039;s all Bart&#039;s fault! {{qf|Marge}} What is? {{qf|Homer}} Whatever you&#039;re about to yell at me about. ----...&quot;</p> <p><b>New page</b></p><div>{{TabQ|nogags}}<br /> <br /> {{qf|[[Marge]]}} Homer J. Simpson!<br /> {{qf|[[Homer]]}} It's all Bart's fault!<br /> {{qf|Marge}} What is?<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Whatever you're about to yell at me about.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Fine. I'm your wife, not your mother. If you want to do something stupid and self-destructive, you just go right ahead.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Awww... but you always tried to stop me all those other times.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Can't sleep... feels like Barney barfed in my belly... Oh, why did I ever eat that wonderful stupid sandwich?<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Oh, Homie--no. What have you done now?<br /> {{qf|Homer}} I've looked the future right in the mouth, Marge... and spit square in its eye! Why should I have to walk when I can ride around town in the lap of luxury? Why, with my new Sloth-Around, I can go anywhere do anything in half the time it used to take.<br /> {{qf|Marge}} That presumes you actually do anything in the first place.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Lisa]]}} You know, dad, those scooters are meant as a medical aid for people who are old or infirm.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Baloney! Why should they get to have all the fun? Besides, see how nicely it gets around corners and through doorways.<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} But, dad, morally and ethically, it's just wrong.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} No, it's multifunctional.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Marge}} What it is is just another useless expense... like that automated rhinoceros-stuffer you ordered last year.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Hey, how was I to know rhinoceroseroses were an endangered species? Stupid World Wildlife Fund.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Mom, are you sure there's no chance I'm adopted?<br /> {{qf|Marge}} I'm afraid not, sweetie.<br /> {{qf|[[Bart]]}} Sorry, Lis! You're wading in the same shallow end of the gene pool as the rest of us.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Apu]]}} Mr. Simpson, please, I am telling you for the final time, the purchase of one donut does not permit you to lick the sprinkles off all of the other--<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Lenny Leonard]]}} Marge finally give you what you had coming to ya?<br /> {{qf|[[Carl Carlson]]}} Don't be stupid, Lenny. That can't be it. He's still alive, isn't he?<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Foolish Lenny and Carl, this isn't a wheelchair. This is the Sloth-Around, the high-tech marvel of modern movingaroundishness. Why walk when you can ride? Why stand when you can sit? Why ask why? Plus, it can do these really neato keen wheelies!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Moe Szyslak]]}} But now that you're no longer a whole man, if...uh...Marge needs any help in the...ah...romance department, you just lemme know, okay?<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Gee, thanks, Moe. You're a true-- --Hey! Why, you lousy--!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Mom, do you think there's a chance dad will realize that what he's doing is wrong?<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Well, he never has before, Lisa... so I'm not sure why he'd start now.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} And what about you, Dad? Did you learn a lesson today?<br /> {{qf|Homer}} I sure did.<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Really?<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Yep, I learned that if you ride around in a scooter, people give you free crullers and free beer and free time off from work... with pay!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Chief Wiggum]]}} Lou, do these crullers taste especially crunchy to you this...hey!?<br /> {{qf|[[Eddie]]}} What's up, Chief?<br /> {{qf|Chief Wiggum}} That guy was speeding!<br /> {{qf|[[Lou]]}} But, Chief, he's only doing nine miles an hour.<br /> {{qf|Chief Wiggum}} Yeah, but he's doing it in an eight mile an hour zone. Let's nail his scofflaw butt!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|{{ap|Dan|You'd Better Sloth Around!}}}} Y-you saved my life! I don't know how I can ever repay you.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Well, money is always nice... But in this case, I'll settle for a handshake and the chance to tell you all I'm sorry. My daughter told me I'd regret using that scooter and now I can see she was-- D'OH! AAAGGGHHH!<br /> <br /> [[Category:Simpsons Comics stories quotes]]</div>

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