https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?action=history&feed=atom&title=Shoddy_Heat%2FQuotes 2026-04-10T01:18:08Z Revision history for this page on the wiki MediaWiki 1.29.0 https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=Shoddy_Heat/Quotes&diff=1338965&oldid=prev 2024-10-28T23:23:10Z

<p>Created page with &quot;{{TabQ|nogags}} {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Desperately Seeking Lisa|Treehouse of Horror XXXV}} {{qf|<a href="/wiki/Grampa" class="mw-redirect" title="Grampa">Grampa</a>}} &#039;&#039;[voiceover]&#039;&#039; They say women are like soda water. They go better...&quot;</p> <p><b>New page</b></p><div>{{TabQ|nogags}}<br /> {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Desperately Seeking Lisa|Treehouse of Horror XXXV}}<br /> <br /> {{qf|[[Grampa]]}} ''[voiceover]'' They say women are like soda water. They go better with a gallon of scotch. And when the weather is hot, we drink a lot. And sometimes it's so hot people open their windows to let the air in, and their secrets out.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Homer]]}} Typical. My entire life you've never done one nice thing for me. And I'm always kind and loving. So redirect that AC or we're moving you to a worse home.<br /> {{qf|Grampa}} There is no worse home.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} I mean the one they put veterans in.<br /> {{qf|Grampa}} You monster! Elder abuse!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Grampa}} What are we doing here?<br /> {{qf|[[Chief Wiggum]]}} We're here because when they dug up one grave, they saw something no one should see. Come on, kids. Let me show ya. Get your phones.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Bart]]}} Grampa, you were a private detective? It takes you an hour to find your socks.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Young [[Agnes Skinner]]}} I'm Agnes Skinner. And I want you to follow my boyfriend.<br /> {{qf|Young Grampa}} Oh. Who's your boyfriend?<br /> {{qf|Young Agnes}} A rich bald vulture by the name of Montgomery Burns. I think he's cheating on me with someone younger and sexier.<br /> {{qf|Young Grampa}} I don't buy your story.<br /> {{qf|Young Agnes}} Which part?<br /> {{qf|Young Grampa}} The part where there's someone younger and sexier than you.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Young Homer}} I don't get a new mommy?<br /> {{qf|Young Grampa}} I'll be your daddy and your mommy, Son. Now, be quiet and leave me alone.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Chief Wiggum}} What did your partner say when he got back?<br /> {{qf|Grampa}} Nothing. Which isn't surprising because he never came back.<br /> {{qf|[[Lou]]}} Never came back? What did you do?<br /> {{qf|Grampa}} Got new business cards. &quot;Abe Simpson and nobody. Private investigators.&quot;<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Chief Wiggum}} Oh, yeah? How'd you like it if we put you in an interrogation room with a bare light bulb, no bathroom, and a cold steel chair with an uneven leg?<br /> {{qf|Grampa}} I'd call that an upgrade.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Marge]]}} I can't believe it. Would Grampa really not look for his partner?<br /> {{qf|Homer}} It's exactly what he would do. He didn't look for his missing wife. He couldn't find our runaway dog. He didn't realize I was lost at the zoo until the chimpanzee in the car seat threw up. He still sends that monkey birthday cards.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Bart}} Coffin, eh? You're saying he's a vampire?<br /> {{qf|[[Lisa]]}} ''[imitating {{ap|Count Dracula|monster}}]'' Yes, he's a vampire. We must inwestigate his blood. Blah!<br /> {{qf|Bart}} You're treating me like a child. And I love it. Say &quot;blah&quot; two more times and I'm in.<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Blah. Blah.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Lou}} Chief, that's the old man's granddaughter.<br /> {{qf|Chief Wiggum}} And you didn't want to set up a stakeout.<br /> {{qf|Lou}} No, I wanted to. You didn't.<br /> {{qf|Chief Wiggum}} Well, somebody did... Shut up.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} I always looked up to you, Grampa.<br /> {{qf|Grampa}} Well, I'm shrinking every day. So I'll be down to you mighty soon.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Lou}} Two visitors in one day. There's something rotten in the state of Denmark.<br /> {{qf|Chief Wiggum}} ''[scoffs]'' Is that the state we're in? Denmark? Ha!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Principal Skinner]]}} You wanna play Chex box?<br /> {{qf|Bart}} You mean [[Xbox]]?<br /> {{qf|Principal Skinner}} No, Chex box. There are two extremely challenging mazes on the back. Would you like to get the spoon back to the dishwasher or help the milk find the refrigerator?<br /> {{qf|Bart}} Oh, I'd like the principal to find his manhood, if you don't mind.<br /> {{qf|Principal Skinner}} I am muy macho, amigo. Now, choose your Hello Kitty pencil and get tracing.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Charles Montgomery Burns]]}} How did you get through the unguarded grounds and sliding door?<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Young Mr. Burns}} Let's make a deal. You forget about your ex-partner, and I'll give your son a job when he grows up.<br /> {{qf|Young Grampa}} He don't need your help.<br /> {{qf|Young Homer}} Daddy. Daddy!<br /> {{qf|Young Mr. Burns}} I will give that poor, pathetic knuckle-brain a job and never fire him, no matter how often and how badly he messes up.<br /> {{qf|Young Homer}} Help! Help!<br /> {{qf|Mr. Burns}} And that's why your son wasn't fired for screwing up 742 times. Tarnation, is he bad!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} No matter how big of an idiot I am, I can never lose my job! I'm like a Supreme Court Justice.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Mr. Burns}} Me? Kill someone? Oh, sure, blame the ruthless villain.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Billy O'Donnell]]}} Abe, is that you? Wow, look at you. ''[chuckles]'' You aged terribly.<br /> {{qf|Grampa}} You're alive?<br /> {{qf|Billy O'Donnell}} Well, if you call drinking rum out of a coconut, surfing, and hanging out with beautiful women &quot;living,&quot; then yeah, I guess I've been living. ''[chuckles]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Agnes}} I wanted you to think Burns killed your partner. So you would kill Burns.<br /> {{qf|Mr. Burns}} Why would anyone want to kill me?<br /> {{qf|Agnes}} Because when I got to know you, I realized your heart was as ugly and withered as your ass.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Agnes}} And Abe, remember this, you were too good a lover to be more than just a friend.<br /> {{qf|Grampa}} What does that mean?<br /> {{qf|Agnes}} I'm trying to leave you with something.<br /> {{qf|Grampa}} I'll take it!<br /> <br /> {{Season 36|Q}}</div>

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