Solar Dragon at 11:28, May 7, 2025

2025-05-07T11:28:27Z

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2025-03-11T23:22:07Z

replaced: ’ → ' (34), … → ... (11), “ → " (2), ” → " (2), * → {{*}} (2), {{{{*}}}} → {{*}} (2)

Solar Dragon: Created page with "{{Tapped Out Quest |name = Salting the Books |image = |level = 5 |update = {{TOCU|The Van Houtens}} |requirements = |characters = Kirkedemious Van Houten, Fat Tony |..."

2025-03-11T20:08:10Z

Created page with "{{Tapped Out Quest |name = Salting the Books |image = |level = 5 |update = {{TOCU|The Van Houtens}} |requirements = |characters = Kirkedemious Van Houten, Fat Tony |..."

New page

{{Tapped Out Quest
|name = Salting the Books
|image =
|level = 5
|update = {{TOCU|The Van Houtens}}
|requirements =
|characters = [[Kirkedemious Van Houten]], [[Fat Tony]]
|optional = [[Luann]], [[Kirk]], [[Wiggum]]
|previous =
|next =
|premium = yes
}}

'''Salting the Books''' is a premium questline in ''[[The Simpsons: Tapped Out]]''. It was introduced in {{TOCU|The Van Houtens}} content update. It requires [[Kirkedemious Van Houten]] to be obtained.

== Dialogue ==
=== Pt. 1 ===
{{Table|
{{THT|After tapping on Kirkedemious Van Houten's exclamation mark|colspan=2}}
{{Tapped Out Kirkedemious Van Houten Icon}}
{{TB|So this is the Springfield I've heard so much about.}}
{{Tapped Out Kirkedemious Van Houten Icon}}
{{TB|Time to go check up on the cracker factory. I’m sure the Van Houten name is thriving thanks to our family’s legendary square and salty goodness.}}
{{Tapped Out Icon|Cracker Manager|Southern Cracker manager|45}}
{{TB|This here is the room where we salt the crackers. If we had the budget for it. These days, each cracker sheet is just rubbed against this salt block for twenty seconds.}}
{{Tapped Out Kirkedemious Van Houten Icon}}
{{TB|That’s enough salt for the people? We’re still the number one cracker in the tri-county area, I trust?}}
{{Tapped Out Icon|Cracker Manager|Southern Cracker manager|45}}
{{TB|Oh, good gracious, no. Southern Cracker has fallen to the number six spot, behind Allied Biscuit.}}
{{Tapped Out Kirkedemious Van Houten Icon|Annoyed}}
{{TB|Allied Biscuit? Allied Biscuit?!! Oh, if Grandpappy Van Houten knew we’d be playing second fiddle—}}
{{Tapped Out Icon|Cracker Manager|Southern Cracker manager|45}}
{{TB|More like sixth fiddle.}}
{{Tapped Out Kirkedemious Van Houten Icon|Annoyed}}
{{TB|—to Allied Biscuit, he’d be rolling over in his grave…}}
{{Tapped Out Kirkedemious Van Houten Icon}}
{{TB|…if he hadn’t been cremated and sprinkled over a batch of Special Reserve Saltinettes.}}
{{THT|{{Task/Job|Make Kirkedemious Go Over the Books|4 hours|the [[Cracker Factory]] or [[Van Houten Villa]]}}|colspan=2}}
{{Tapped Out Kirkedemious Van Houten Icon}}
{{TB|These numbers can’t be correct. Sixteen thousand dollars for a nuclear-powered dough kneader?}}
{{Tapped Out Icon|Cracker Manager|Southern Cracker manager|45}}
{{TB|Ah, yes that was for our limited release S’S’mores. For when you’ve had some s’mores but you need S’S’more s’mores.}}
{{Tapped Out Kirkedemious Van Houten Icon|Surprised}}
{{TB|And another sixteen thousand for a grammar expert?}}
{{Tapped Out Icon|Cracker Manager|Southern Cracker manager|45}}
{{TB|Right. Also for the S’S’mores campaign. Corporate couldn’t decide how many apostrophes was correct.}}
{{THT|Quest reward: {{Cash|100}} and {{XP|10}}|colspan=2}}
}}

=== Pt. 2 ===
{{Table|
{{THT|After tapping on Kirkedemious Van Houten's exclamation mark|colspan=2}}
{{Tapped Out Kirkedemious Van Houten Icon}}
{{TB|Luann.}}
{{Tapped Out Luann Icon|Surprised}}
{{TB|Kirkedemious? I thought you were—}}
{{Tapped Out Kirkedemious Van Houten Icon}}
{{TB|Hiking the Andes with my mistress? I cut it short to check up on our factory. And I’m glad I did. Are you aware of the state of things?}}
{{Tapped Out Luann Icon}}
{{TB|Uh…Kirk did it!}}
{{Tapped Out Kirkedemious Van Houten Icon}}
{{TB|Tell me, Luann. What percentage of the local indigenous population is being exploited for labor in the factory?}}
{{Tapped Out Luann Icon}}
{{TB|Uh, well, I think zero.}}
{{Tapped Out Kirkedemious Van Houten Icon|Annoyed}}
{{TB|Oh, that’s way too low. No wonder your profit margins are so thin.}}
{{THT|{{Task/Job|Make Kirkedemious Look for Indigenous Springfielders to Exploit|4 hours|the [[Cracker Factory]] or [[Van Houten Villa]]}} {{Task/Optional|Make Luann Yell at Kirk for the Factory Woes|4 hours|the [[Cracker Factory]], [[Van Houten Villa]], or a [[Brown House]]|char=[[Luann]]}} {{Task/Optional|Make Kirk Threaten Divorce but Take it Back|4 hours|the [[Cracker Factory]], [[Van Houten Villa]], or a [[Brown House]]|char=[[Kirk]]}}|colspan=2}}
{{Tapped Out Luann Icon|Angry}}
{{TB|This is all your fault! Kirkedemious wouldn’t even be here if you hadn’t taken over at the factory and driven it into the ground!}}
{{Tapped Out Kirk Icon|Angry}}
{{TB|Well I wouldn’t have had to take over at the factory if you’d been supportive of my competitive basket weaving. I could have gone pro!}}
{{THT|Quest reward: {{Cash|100}} and {{XP|10}}|colspan=2}}
}}

=== Pt. 3 ===
{{Table|
{{THT|After tapping on Kirkedemious Van Houten's exclamation mark|colspan=2}}
{{Tapped Out Kirkedemious Van Houten Icon}}
{{TB|I take it you are the chief recruiter of the local labor hiring hall?}}
{{Tapped Out Fat Tony Icon}}
{{TB|Among other arrangements, yes.}}
{{Tapped Out Kirkedemious Van Houten Icon}}
{{TB|Then I need you to gather an assortment of indigenous laborers and have them report to the Southern Cracker factory. Ask for, um…Mr., uh…Mr. Manager.}}
{{Tapped Out Fat Tony Icon}}
{{TB|That can be arranged.}}
{{THT|{{Task/Job|Make Kirkedemious Ask the Cracker Factory Manager’s Name|8 hours|the [[Cracker Factory]] or [[Van Houten Villa]]}} {{Task/Job|Make Fat Tony Round Up the Locals|8 hours|the [[Cracker Factory]], [[Van Houten Villa]], or a [[Brown House]]}}|colspan=2}}
{{Tapped Out Cletus Icon|Shocked}}
{{TB|And so alls I gots to do is scrape all this dough off’a this machine here, and I can keep whatever I dun scraped?}}
{{Tapped Out Kirkedemious Van Houten Icon}}
{{TB|Incredible. They’ve barely learned language at all. And what is the name of his tribe?}}
{{Tapped Out Fat Tony Icon}}
{{TB|They go by the moniker of “Yokels”.}}
{{Tapped Out Ralph Icon}}
{{TB|I like to lick the salt block!}}
{{Tapped Out Kirkedemious Van Houten Icon}}
{{TB|And this one is a Yokel as well?}}
{{Tapped Out Fat Tony Icon}}
{{TB|After a fashion.}}
{{THT|Quest reward: {{Cash|100}} and {{XP|10}}|colspan=2}}
}}

=== Pt. 4 ===
{{Table|
{{THT|After tapping on Kirkedemious Van Houten's exclamation mark|colspan=2}}
{{Tapped Out Wiggum Icon|Confused}}
{{TB|Excuse me. Are you…{{*}}reading{{*}}…Kirkedumbledore Von Hasselhoff?}}
{{Tapped Out Kirkedemious Van Houten Icon}}
{{TB|Yes. Are you another Yokel?}}
{{Tapped Out Wiggum Icon|Serious}}
{{TB|I’m asking the questions here. It seems that Channel 6 News did an exposé on numerous labor code violations at your factory.}}
{{Tapped Out Kirkedemious Van Houten Icon}}
{{TB|Is that a question?}}
{{Tapped Out Wiggum Icon|Guilty}}
{{TB|No. My question is…I didn’t see the exposé…did you?}}
{{Tapped Out Kirkedemious Van Houten Icon}}
{{TB|I did not. But speaking of free media exposure I believe you would be the perfect spokesperson for our new Southern Cracker ad campaign…}}
{{Tapped Out Wiggum Icon|Confused}}
{{TB|I would?}}
{{Tapped Out Kirkedemious Van Houten Icon|Happy}}
{{TB|Indeed. A rugged man among men, exploring the countryside, stopping here and there for the manliest of snacks — a cracker.}}
{{Tapped Out Kirkedemious Van Houten Icon}}
{{TB|Unless, of course, you’re busy with this…exposé, was it?}}
{{Tapped Out Wiggum Icon|Proud}}
{{TB|What, that? No, no, tell me more about my rugged man-among-manliness.}}
{{Tapped Out Kirkedemious Van Houten Icon}}
{{TB|Of course. But first, let me see you pose just like I am.}}
{{Tapped Out Wiggum Icon}}
{{TB|Sure thing. Let me get my Springfield Explorers outfit.}}
{{THT|{{Task/Job|Make Kirkedemious Pose|60 minutes}} {{Task/Optional|Make Wiggum Run Home to Get His Explorer’s Outfit|60 minutes|the [[Cracker Factory]], [[Van Houten Villa]], or a [[Brown House]]|char=[[Wiggum]]}}|colspan=2}}
{{Tapped Out Kirkedemious Van Houten Icon|Happy}}
{{TB|Yes, that’s it. Perfection.}}
{{Tapped Out Wiggum Icon}}
{{TB|Should I raise my leg higher? No guarantees I’ll succeed, but I can try.}}
{{THT|Quest reward: {{Cash|100}} and {{XP|10}}|colspan=2}}
}}

=== Pt. 5 ===
{{Table|
{{THT|After tapping on Kirkedemious Van Houten's exclamation mark|colspan=2}}
{{Tapped Out Kirkedemious Van Houten Icon|Happy}}
{{TB|The numbers have just come in. Our ad campaign is a huge success, all thanks to you, Chief Wiggum.}}
{{Tapped Out Wiggum Icon|Proud}}
{{TB|Ah, well, just doing my job. My second job, that is.}}
{{Tapped Out Kirkedemious Van Houten Icon|Happy}}
{{TB|With these cracker sales, we can afford to buy real salt. The Van Houten name will mean something again.}}
{{Tapped Out Kirkedemious Van Houten Icon}}
{{TB|Other than “Made of Wood” of course.}}
{{THT|{{Task/Job|Make Kirkedemious Salt the Crackers|4 hours}} {{Task/Optional|Make Wiggum Audition for Other Modeling Gigs|4 hours|the [[Cracker Factory]], [[Van Houten Villa]], or a [[Brown House]]|char=[[Wiggum]]}}|colspan=2}}
{{Tapped Out Brockman Icon}}
{{TB|Following our exposé last week, several of the exploited workers have bravely chosen to come forward.}}
{{Tapped Out Ralph Icon}}
{{TB|We Yokels demand freedom!}}
{{Tapped Out Wiggum Icon}}
{{TB|Look at that. Ralphie is a spokesman, too. He’s a chip off the old block.}}
{{Tapped Out Ralph Icon|Sad}}
{{TB|Salt makes my tongue mad!}}
{{Tapped Out Wiggum Icon|Serious}}
{{TB|Block of salt, that is.}}
{{THT|Quest reward: {{Cash|200}} and {{XP|20}}|colspan=2}}
}}

{{Tapped Out Quests/The Van Houtens}}

@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
 {{Tapped Out Quest
 |name = Salting the Books
-|image =
+|image = [[File:Tapped Out Kirkedemious Van Houten Sidebar.png|x100px]]
 |level = 5
 |update = {{TOCU|The Van Houtens}}
@@ Line 7: / Line 7: @@
 |characters = [[Kirkedemious Van Houten]], [[Fat Tony]]
 |optional = [[Luann]], [[Kirk]], [[Wiggum]]
 |previous =
 |next =

Salting the Books - Revision history

Solar Dragon at 11:28, May 7, 2025

SolarBot: replaced: ’ → ' (34), … → ... (11), “ → " (2), ” → " (2), * → {{*}} (2), {{{{*}}}} → {{*}} (2)

Solar Dragon: Created page with "{{Tapped Out Quest |name = Salting the Books |image = |level = 5 |update = {{TOCU|The Van Houtens}} |requirements = |characters = Kirkedemious Van Houten, Fat Tony |..."

SolarBot: replaced: ’ → ' (34), … → ... (11), “ → " (2), ” → " (2), * → {{}} (2), {{{{}}}} → {{*}} (2)