https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?action=history&feed=atom&title=Podcast_News%2FQuotes 2026-04-06T00:31:19Z Revision history for this page on the wiki MediaWiki 1.29.0 https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=Podcast_News/Quotes&diff=978308&oldid=prev 2020-11-18T15:57:33Z

<p>Created page with &quot;{{TabQ|nogags}} {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|The 7 Beer Itch|Three Dreams Denied}} {{qf|<a href="/wiki/Lisa" class="mw-redirect" title="Lisa">Lisa</a>}} So many lies. What else was he hiding from the world? How could the deception go so...&quot;</p> <p><b>New page</b></p><div>{{TabQ|nogags}}<br /> {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|The 7 Beer Itch|Three Dreams Denied}}<br /> <br /> {{qf|[[Lisa]]}} So many lies. What else was he hiding from the world? How could the deception go so deep? Can we ever trust anyone? ''[gasps and runs upstairs, slamming her door]''<br /> {{qf|[[Homer]]}} My daughter's roaming the house in the middle of the night looking terrified. I should probably go talk to... ''[singing]'' 2 a.m. ham.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Marge]]}} You look like you didn't sleep a wink.<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Looks can be deceiving. Nothing is as it seems. The world is a dark place.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Marge}} How many of these have you listened to?<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} I don't know. Just two or three a day. And then maybe a couple more to take the edge off. And then one in the morning just to get normal. Wha... I'm not addicted, I swear. I just need to know who killed everybody! ''[sobs]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Bart]]}} I've never seen two people agree with each other so much.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} I disagree.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Ma'am, if you're a big shot has-been, why are you dating a small-town never-was?<br /> {{qf|[[Vivienne St. Charmaine]]}} All my life, I dated unwrinkled men who told short, concise stories. But Abe here showed me what I've been missing. He's so sweet he should come with an insulin pump.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Tabitha Shingle]]}} Some people look at a neck and think, &quot;what a great place for a scarf,&quot; and others think, &quot;I'd like to choke that.&quot; for Jackson Reeb of Lansing, Michigan, it was the latter.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Kent Brockman]]}} A romantic sunset cruise, the perfect setting for new love between a fading Hollywood actress and a fully faded old man. But only one of them would return to port alive. I'm Kent Brockman, and this is ''[[Guilty Grampa]]''. ''Guilty Grampa'' is sponsored by [[Shampoo Shuttle]], seasonal-flavored shampoos drone-delivered direct to your shower.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Agnes Skinner]]}} I was at the buffet when I heard a woman scream, &quot;Abe, don't!&quot; then a splash.<br /> {{qf|Kent Brockman}} What did you do next?<br /> {{qf|Agnes}} I saw they were refilling the shrimp tower, so I had to get over there and touch them all.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Kent Brockman}} Naturally, the police questioned Abe Simpson. His only defense? &quot;I don't remember.&quot;<br /> {{qf|[[Chief Wiggum]]}} The old man would not confess. Rude. So we swabbed his hands to see if they tested positive for pushing. It came back as &quot;no such test.&quot; The only thing we could do was let him go.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Okay, quick, he's in the bathroom, so we only have an hour to talk. Now, on the count of three, say if you think he's guilty or not. One, two, three.<br /> {{qf|Marge, Bart, and Lisa}} Not guilty!<br /> {{qf|Homer}} If I'm being honest, I think he's capable of anything, up to and including murder.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Kent Brockman}} Homer, tell me about the Abe Simpson you knew and loved.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} I mean, I knew him.<br /> {{qf|Kent Brockman}} Was he abusive?<br /> {{qf|Homer}} ''[chuckles]'' Oh, sure. I mean, he was a quiet loner, but he could be abusive when he wanted to be.<br /> {{qf|Kent Brockman}} Really? And your mother... how did she deal with all this?<br /> {{qf|Homer}} You know, I'm not really sure. She disappeared when I was quite young.<br /> {{qf|Kent Brockman}} Another woman in his life vanished. Stick some foghorns under that and put it up stat.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Selma Bouvier]]}} Imagine the worst person in the world.<br /> {{qf|[[Patty Bouvier]]}} Now imagine his father. That's Abe.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Old Jewish man]]}} His roommates kept turning up dead. 90-year-old people don't just suddenly stop breathing. Come on.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Alice Glick]]}} He murdered me once. That's why my family doesn't visit.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Why did you confess, Dad? A majority of the family believes you're innocent.<br /> {{qf|[[Grampa]]}} But what that Kent Brockman said about me was so darn convincing. I began to suspect myself around episode four. Then by episode six, it seemed like it was that hot-tempered deckhand. But by episode nine, I knew I'd done it, just as sure as Shampoo Shuttle is the future of hair care.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Grampa}} Vivienne. Why'd you set me up?<br /> {{qf|Vivienne}} ''We'' set you up. You weren't supposed to confess. You were supposed to meet me in Mexico with the insurance money. That was the plan.<br /> {{qf|Grampa}} What plan?<br /> {{qf|Vivienne}} The plan where I faked my death and waited for you to meet me in Mexico with the insurance money. That's why I yelled, &quot;Abe, don't... forget the plan,&quot; as I was diving off the boat.<br /> {{qf|Grampa}} What boat?<br /> {{qf|Vivienne}} I love you, you senile old sex machine.<br /> <br /> {{Season 32|Q}}</div>

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